By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net
I don’t know about you, but one of my life challenges is to stay “in the present” in my life and career. Not dwelling on how things could have gone or how they might be in the future has been a constant battle for me. I’ve been fortunate to be very successful personally and professionally, but I have had times where the “whata,coulda, shoulda” yips create a barrier that takes extra and unneeded energy to solve.
What if I would have handle a conversation with my teenage daughter more sensitively? Could I have provided an even better answer to an interview question that would have propelled me to a job offer instead of coming in second? As I get older, should I ask for more of a helping hand from friends/colleagues as I get creakier with my physical disability- Cerebral Palsy?
Please think for a moment about your “whata, coulda, shouldas” and how have you reacted to them… Have you sometimes spent more time thinking about them, then focusing on your reactions to present-day circumstances? If you are like me, you probably have.
A few resilient strategies I now use to help prevent me from going down these well-worn paths are to reaffirm the positives in my life today, know what I truly want to do today, and stop worrying about things out of my control. Sounds easier said than done…absolutely. It has taken me much of the last 1 1/2 years to “reprogram” my brain to subdue the yips and stay focused on the present. To be honest, I am still not 100 percent successful, but I have definitely increased my resilience to not always look back or dream too far in the future.
What about you? How are you:
Reaffirming the positives in your life today… For me, I thank God everyday that I am happily married, have good friends not only just acquaintances, and my works (such as this blog) help folks like you sort through their life and career resilience. I post one positive about my life everyday in my office, so I can stay grounded and in the present moment. Sounds simple and it is. Looking at this throughout the day helps me get through bumps all of us can go through.
Knowing what you truly want… I would love to be sitting on a Hawaiian beach, sipping a cool one and being ultimately confident of who I am today. Well, the Hawaiian beach and the cool one may have to wait at least until next week, but I do truly know who I am as a person right now. This profile includes all the positives and blemishes in my life. But I always try to be a Simon on “American Idol” and be honest with myself. Some days I am more brutally honest than others, but that’s what staying in the present is all about. Warts and everything.
How about you? Are you dwelling on your successes/failures in the past and not focuses on what you need to do in the present? Take five minutes and reflect on what you truly want from yourself today. For me, it is always a truly healthy exercise.
Stop worrying about things out of your control… Throughout my previous blog posts, I’ve highlighted this “things within your control” message. To stay in the present, you must understand what is truly in your control. For me, the one thing absolutely in my control is my attitude. How I am thinking about myself, my work, my life, my family and my friends? In the final analysis, there is not much in our control except your attitude. If you let your attitude slip, life can really spiral downwards. How is your attitude today? With our world’s current economic mess, you may have lost your job, your savings and your confidence. I’d suggest thinking for a couple minutes about how you can take charge of your attitude even with the real challenges many of us have day-to-day. For me, it has truly made a difference.
Staying in the present gives you the ability to still navigate the current of your life – whether smooth or a bit bumpy. This, in the final analysis, will help you stay happy about yourself and continue to ride the wave of your inner resilience…and stay in the present.
Thanks, again, and until next week…