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What Has Your Recent Challenges and Obstacles Taught You?

August 28, 2009

As we very slowly recover from this deep recession, what has the challenges and obstacles taught you to better react to work or life challenges in the future? The recession is nowhere close to ending, but it is already time to think about how your present will affect your future. Will you react the same way if such obstacles come again? Have you thought about what you truly want to do/or be in your life besides just earning a bi-weekly paycheck?

This horrible recession has taught me to look beyond my skills that I know, and navigate into unchartered waters that may maake me much happier in the future. I never knew I could be an award-nominated writer and speaker about life resiliency…but it has happened. I never knew my words could resonate with more than 10,000 worldwide folks like you on my blog or other online sources monthly…but I have. I never knew I’d be happier about my personal worth than before I was one of many of you who were laid off earlier this year…but I am.

As you successfully weave your way through these challenging times, how can you complete this phrase, “I never knew…”

How are you:

Reaffirming the positives in your life today… For me, I thank God everyday that I am happily married, have good friends not only just acquaintances, and my works (such as this blog) help folks like you sort through their life and career resilience. I post one positive about my life everyday in my office, so I can stay grounded and in the present moment. Sounds simple and it is. Looking at this throughout the day helps me get through bumps all of us can go through.

Knowing what you truly want… I would love to be sitting on a Hawaiian beach, sipping a cool one and being ultimately confident of who I am today. Well, the Hawaiian beach and the cool one may have to wait at least until next week, but I do truly know who I am as a person right now. This profile includes all the positives and blemishes in my life. But I always try to be a Simon on “American Idol” and be honest with myself. Some days I am more brutally honest than others, but that’s what staying in the present is all about. Warts and everything.

How about you? Are you dwelling on your successes/failures in the past and not focuses on what you need to do in the present? Take five minutes and reflect on what you truly want from yourself today. For me, it is always a truly healthy exercise.

Stop worrying about things out of your control… Throughout my previous blog posts, I’ve highlighted this “things within your control” message. To stay in the present, you must understand what is truly in your control. For me, the one thing absolutely in my control is my attitude. How I am thinking about myself, my work, my life, my family and my friends? In the final analysis, there is not much in our control except your attitude. If you let your attitude slip, life can really spiral downwards. How is your attitude today? With our world’s current economic mess, you may have lost your job, your savings and your confidence.

I’d suggest thinking for a couple minutes about how you can take charge of your attitude even with the real challenges many of us have day-to-day. For me, it has made a tremendous difference.

Staying in the present gives you the ability to still navigate the current of your life – whether smooth or a bit bumpy. This, in the final analysis, will help you stay happy about yourself and continue to ride the wave of your inner resilience…and stay in the present. Then, you can fulfill your dreams and truly know about you.

Being Knocked Down Means Getting Up Again Stronger

August 19, 2009

Unfortunately, most of us have been knocked down in our personal or professional lives in one way or another. More of my good friends were just laid off from companies that had never laid off anyone in their history. Naturally, many are very down…not knowing where to turn next to continue with their lives. It’s a deeply saddening time in our nation’s history when companies are forced to cut to the bone because the economy is very slow in turning around.

No matter what political affiliations you have, I’m sure you or someone you know has been affected by these tragic times. Is it time to blame George Bush, Barack Obama or the Congress for our significant challenges? I contend “no” – we need to come together as America has always done to keep us on the right track. Our country and the good folks of it have been knocked down before but we have never stayed down. Look at the Great Depression, Pearl Harbor or even the Civil War.

It’s truly a jip that most of our current knock downs – being laid off, foreclosure on a house and getting behind on every other bills – are not always within our control. I, in fact, was laid off from my dream job – not because of my stellar performance – but that the credit market dried up and the great company I worked for could not find the money to keep itself afloat.

My friends and I are not alone, and I am sure you have had to deal with a myriad of unexpected issues now whether you are employed or not. The current economic crisis has hurt our life resiliency in so many different ways. Some who have lost their job also are finding personal relationships – even long-term ones – very difficult.

I wish I had the answers to our country’s challenges. I know this: We cannot let the current economic woes knock us out for the 10-count. Besides starting my own communications and resiliency business, I have used the three Ps of life – perseverance, persistence and patience – to get back up and be successful.

Being Knocked Down

I have fallen or “been knocked down” before and have always gotten right back up. I am sure you have had your life moments where you’ve fallen and have gotten back up – and are better for it in the long run. In my previous articles, I mentioned that I have a lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), which affects my walking, my balance and sometime my ability to stop from literally falling on the ground. Nothing can hurt or be more sobering than falling in front of, well, anyone knowing you don’t always have control of your body or the situation.

Should I just lie there and pity myself. No, I need to get up, dust myself off and try to stay as independent as all of us want to be. Once I had to go to the emergency room because I smacked my head on a marble floor. I could have given up but I did not.

While I don’t hold myself up as an example, you can also work through your life “knock downs” – great and small – if you remember the three Ps of life – perseverance, persistence and patience. These three words have helped me through all life and career challenges that have come up.

Perseverance

What can any of us do if we are laid off? In these times, it is usually not because of your performance. The company needs to stay afloat and its labor costs are the single highest money outflow that they can control. So, they lay of good folks like us.

After I went through my laid-off grief stages I mentioned in a previous article, I looked at what was in my control and how I could persevere during these rough times. I knew I had three things I could control – my attitude, my values and the way I relate to people. While searching for a full-time gig, I also developed a personal business plan, looked hard at my personal brand and truly had a heart-to-heart with myself about what I wanted to do for the rest of my career.

Well, this perseverance led me to resiliency, this blog and establishing a business where I could speak at organizations, develop resiliency materials for those in need and stay healthy in my day-to-day activities. It’s been a true blessing…

The lesson I learned – and one you should think about – is don’t pity yourself because you have had a personal and professional loss. Look at yourself hard and decide what you want to do in life. Don’t just settle because then you may be going through the same challenges in future time. Persevere and understand the fantastic skills and qualities you offer everyday!

Persistence

I hope this does not happen to you:  After the 30th rejection letter, or having a company choose someone else after seven separate interviews from the CEO to the janitor on duty, I’ve had friends and colleagues say, “I am just going to give up.” This is when you must persist and learn how to promote yourself in an even better way.

I hate to promote myself. My dad was a car dealer, and I wish I had his out-going personality and ability to convince folks to close the deal. I’ve always struggled with this, and have tried to let my work do the talking for me. Unfortunately, in these times, you need to show folks why there can’t be a better candidate than you.

That’s why I think understanding and believing in your personal brand is absolutely a key to your future success. When I first re-crafted my “brand,” I thought I’d never come up with something that was truly me. But I persisted and gave myself enough time where I did not feel pressured to write something in five minutes. I persisted and diligently wrote down all my strengths and the types of work I like to do. I also did the same with my weaknesses and the activities I don’t like to do.

This gave my a framework where I was able to write down “my future.” It was not easy and it took significant time but I got it done and now I understand what I want to do for the last 15 years of my career. My persistence led to talking about resiliency and opening up about my disability experiences. Most of all, it gave me the inner confidence to offer my common-sense messages to assist you and other great folks worldwide. Being persistent can be magical…

Patience

You’ve just been laid off and wonder where the money will come from to pay the bills, keep your house and pay for your son’s birthday party coming up soon. In these circumstances, being patient to find your next great job is very hard. I’ve been there and my friends have been there. There’s nothing fun about it and you just want to hurry to find a job that pays for life.

For me, I found that I needed to step back for a moment and don’t hurry into something that I may regret. At least for the short term, I stayed patient and tried to understand what my next step should be. If you have access to unemployment insurance, you nest egg or money in your overall family, that’s great. If you don’t, you may want to consider consulting or some other type of part-time role to get you by for at least little while. This type of patience helped me as I found what I wanted to do – and the next great job in my life.

All of us can react wonderfully to favorable times in our lives. Our true grit is shown in how we deal with the professional and personal challenges all of us sometimes face. I suggest you think of the three Ps the next time you face one of those possible life-changing events in your life. Please don’t stay knocked down for long…see your true and fabulous potential.

I’d love to hear your comments. Until next week…thanks for being a avid reader of my blog!


A Very Gratifying, Humbling Milestone

August 10, 2009

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

I just learned that my blog is now averaging 10,000 hits a month worldwide from all of you fantastic folks! It’s such an honor being able to give you my common-sense advice on career and life resiliency issues. You also have provided me with fantastic feedback about the various subjects I cover. I feel so fortunate that my thoughts are resonating with the dreams and aspirations in your career and life!

If you have any recommended subjects for me to write about, please let me know on the blog or sending me an e-mail message at beseke1@earthlink.net.

Thanks for helping me achieve this milestone, and please tell your friends about the site. Onwards to 20,000 hits monthly.

Since I just started the blog in February, it’s such a gratifying day!

Marriage and Career Resiliency: Possible Connections to Ponder…

August 6, 2009

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

I was on vacation recently celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary in Key West. I have a wonderful wife and have been lucky enough to live the “good life” as we define it for more than two decades.

Our 25-year journey got me thinking about the resilience it takes to have a successful and happy marriage. I usually talk about career and personal branding resilience, and being successfully resilient in your married life (or significant relationship) can provide common threads into gaining your career “sweet spots.”

There are many folks that can talk more eloquently about marriage, but I want to provide you with a few common-sense thoughts to ponder as I begin my next 25 years of marriage “bliss.” A few of these – adaptability, compromise, knowing your strengths and finding common ground – you can also be a basis for your career success.

Compromise: At least in American culture, the word “compromise” is not always seen in the best of light. Typically, many of us are brought up to stick to our beliefs and not give in unless absolutely necessary. Well, in marriage and your career, this narrowly-defined attitude can spell ultimate failure. There was a study that showed that not being able to compromise was one of the top reasons marriages fail. This leads to eight out of 10 marriage separations in the first 10 years.

For me, compromise does not mean always giving in to whatever your spouse wants. It’s giving a little on both sides to find a common middle. Recently, my wife and I were up in arms with our 14-year-old daughter who wanted to switch to saxophone after five years of playing the flute. We knew our daughter was not keen on practicing, and learning a new instrument would take the ultimate commitment from her.

Knowing that my daughter was not that interested in the flute, I thought she should just give up playing an instrument. My wife, however, took the long view and said that playing an instrument could continue to teach our daughter commitment, resilience and teamwork. After many days of discussion, I began to believe my wife was right but that our daughter had to continue playing the flute instead of the sax.  We compromised on the solution – it took another month to convince our daughter about the positives of playing the flute rather than the challenges and expense of trying a new instrument at her age.

I could have stuck to my original belief and the unnecessary arguments between my wife and I could have provided rough moments. We agreed to see each other’s point-of view. There can be many other contentious examples of marriage and compromise, but the key is we were able to come up with a common decision without each of us losing the ultimate discussion. Sometimes, an issue is not worth sticking to your guns. As I’ve said many times in career articles, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”

Think about ways at work you could compromise with a co-worker that might make your day and week go smoother. Not everything needs to go your way, and the skill of compromising in some situations can be seen as a very positive career enhancer.

Adaptability: We have all learned to adapt in our lives one way or another. In marriage, however, there are always complicating factors, such as money, kids and romance. Making money and paying bills are usually at the heart of many challenging moments in marriage. Should we save more or use income to buy cool things like a bigger house, that nifty boat or the sports car you’ve always wanted?

Having each spouse on the same page on such money issues is where the “rubber meets the road” in marriages. We have definitely had our issues with layoffs, shrinking investments and the like. But my wife and I agreed early in our marriage to truly adapt to the money we earn. After bills and discretionary expenses, we try to put a good portion of savings into investments or a “rainy day” fund.

There have been many times each of us has wanted to move away from this commitment, but we have tried very hard to look at the big picture. Doesn’t always work, but the two goals we hold true are: Giving our daughter the best education possible, and letting us (at least six months out of the year) retire in Hawaii. We may adapt on smaller life issues but we don’t on these two items. This adaptability has helped us avoid many of the silly arguments laying seed to distrust and anger that can derail marriages.

In addition to your marriage resiliency, please think through how being more adaptive can help you have happiness and success in your career. The next time your boss says to redo something you’ve spent hours/days on, step back and find ways to adapt the project to be “boss successful” without having totally compromise your value system. This has been hard through my 25+ years of work experience, but adapting in at least some circumstances can be better than having sleepless nights.

Knowing Your Strengths – and Weaknesses. All of us have tremendous personal and professional strengths – and, of course, a few weaknesses along the way.

While we need to understand our weaknesses, I contend we should focus on what we do well in a marriage, instead of always dwelling on the things we don’t do so well. It’s definitely easier said than done. Just like in your career, I am sure all of us could list 10 or 12 weaknesses but have trouble coming up with a handful of strengths. Studies show that this thought process is just the way our brains are connected and how societal norms prompt us to view ourselves.

In marriage, though, I have found my greatest success when I am totally myself. I m usually a very laid-back type of guy, and I get into trouble with my wife and daughter when I step out of character – being too obstinate, inflexible and stubborn. I definitely can exhibit all these qualities but my strength is being the compassionate, sensitive guy that has always defined me.

Knowing this particular strength has helped successfully stay on the same page to my less laid-back wife. There’s no criticism here…her strength exudes from her very no-nonsense point-of-view on life and raising children. I truly admire her strength that sometimes I lack.

But I cannot worry about what I lack and need to focus on the example of my strengths I mentioned before. My wife and I typically counter-balance each other, which usually means we end up making common-sense decisions together in the middle. I may be more flexible in how we treat our daughter’s wants/desires (e.g. going on mission trips to other countries) but my wife brings the whole picture into focus through her very deliberate decision processes. Again, marriage success all depends on the first two components I also mentioned – being adaptive and the ability to compromise.

In work, I have found that it is also best to focus on your strengths. A study has show that workers can improve their strengths by up to 30 percent. If they use the same amount of time to improve their weaknesses, they can only get less than a 10 percent improvement rate. If we have a glaring weakness, that is a different story but…

Finding Common Ground: Sounds easy doesn’t it? I mean you married your spouse because there was love, romance and hopefully a few common things you like to do together – besides romance. But it is amazing to my wife and I that the “doing things together” component has derailed many couples that we know.

Finding common ground is ultimately the most important aspect of having a successful marriage or significant relationship. Wanting and liking to do non-romance things with each other will totally determine your marriage success or not. If all you have in common is sex, you should not be married at all. As your marriage continues, sex typically starts to be more sporadic. A study showed that couples married for less than three years had romance multiple times per week. After ten years, couples indicated that number went down to once a week or less.

That’s why liking to do activities together will promote the lifelong companionship that nine out of 10 of us want. My wife and I like to go antiquing, traveling and be with friends together to name just a few. I feel that if you can find common ground with three activities besides romance, you are going to make marriage work for you – and the two out of 10 marriages that truly work.

Now look at your career. What ways can you can adapt your work life to find common ground with your colleagues? Try to find three ways to better relate to your colleagues, such as talking about common interests, listening to each other’s stories or not worrying so much about a personal style but focus on their results.

Such examples may make your time at work and married life (or significant relationship) less stressful and, gosh, even fun once in awhile…

Look forward to your comments and talking with you again. Hope you are having a resilient week!

Back From a Key West Vacation

August 3, 2009

I am back from sunny and warm Florida after celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary and talking about resiliency with groups in the sunshine state.

I will be posting a marriage resiliency column later this week, and I hope this gives you some on-going life tips to keep your relationship happy and successful!!!

Please stay tuned. Hope you are having a resilient day!