Resiliency First

Have you ever thought in your career or life: “What could I have accomplished in my life if only…,” or, “I should have taken this direction but didn’t,” or, “If only I would have made this decision, my career and lifer might be different.” I’ve definitely been there and done that.

All of us face these “woulda, coulda, shouldas” throughout our lives. There are decisions I have made that I sometimes regret and opportunities missed because I did not see them. But I have never let those  moments define me…there have been so many other times I have made the right calls and benefited immensely from them.

I’ve been able to jump over these hurdles because I try very hard to stay in the present and not look back. A friend of mine said of himself: “Looking back has always been a challenge for me because I nearly always paint myself in less resilient light and see more negativity than not.”

As I’ve talked with thousands of good folks like you each week, I sense that many of you also sometimes focus on such life negatives.  Let’s face it: We all do at some points in our lives. The key I have found is not letting these past moments torment you moving forward. Instead, all of us should celebrate the wonderful resilience that makes us very successful and worthwhile to all those in our orbit.

Staying resilient, especially during these very challenging times, can be very hard. Like me, you might have been laid off during this economic perfect storm, or know good friends that are struggling through their own life ups and downs.

For me, and maybe you, such challenges affect how we like ourselves and the confidence to look past them. Whether we are struggling at our jobs, or continue trying to be successful in our personal relationships, the past can sometimes affect how we react.

On a personal level, I’ve had to deal with a life-long physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), and it has caused me to lose confidence many times in my life. While I don’t see my disability now as an insurmountable negative, it can challenge how I view myself if I am not careful. Especially during these winter months, for example, I just have to be very disciplined when walking on snow or ice or I may lose my balance and fall.

All of us have our own set of unique circumstances, and I don’t talk about my disability to seek your empathy. I do bring my life up because it shows we need to balance our perceived negatives in a way that allows us an avenue to be successful – whether through your personal and work journeys.

One life strategy I have found to overcome such disability obstacles is to compartmentalize my difficult moments. You may want to try shutting a particular compartment door for awhile if a perceived negative or past burden becomes too much to handle. I never avoid the door again but I find another part of my life going well – whether it is life or career related.

These “other compartments” usually help build my confidence back up again where I can deal with that troubling door. Such resilient doors might be sharing a quiet and gentle moment with my wonderful wife, or counseling my 14-year-old daughter that not everything in life will go exactly as she wants it.

Juggling all aspects of life and keeping a healthy balance between what you can and cannot control – in your past and the present – is truly the definition of resilience. This balance allows me to successfully close the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” parts of my world. These include “If only I would be ‘normal’ and not have this disability. I could really be a success.”

But I have realized in the last few years – I’m turning 50 at the end of this month – that my disability is not the perceived negative I’ve always categorized it to be. It allows me to be more adaptive, be more accommodating to “differences,” and lets me understand how lucky I am to have a very successful resiliency business – and terrific family – despite any physical issues.

The next time you see a particular aspect of your life as negative or reoccurring year after year, just remember how lucky you are to have your wonderful life. There are still parts of this world that good folks like us are living and eating off of garbage dumps with little hope. Or, parents in some areas of the world have to suffer through infant mortality rates of 40 percent in the first two years of life. When I look at such circumstances, my disability – or your perceived negatives – most likely pale in comparison.

So, the next time a perceived negative (even a recurring one) rears its ugly head in your life, I suggest that they are never usually as challenging as first thought. Compartmentalizing and not allowing them to dominate your life will help you stay resilient no matter what obstacle comes your way.

Disability or not, I’m not going to let its past, present or even future dictate the confidence or belief in myself. If you tackle your unique “moments” with as much hope, you’ll never look back unnecessarily again and regret any decision you’ve made in your world.

I wish all of you the best of holiday seasons! Until next week…

With the holidays nearly in full swing, there is so much to be thankful in our fantastic world. Yet, so many of you, including me, have been rocked by the economy in myriad of ways in 2009.

In previous articles, I mentioned that I was laid off from my dream job earlier this year because of the economic perfect storm. You may have had a similar plight. Or, you are trying to adapt to a new scenario at your work because you are being asked to do much more because many colleagues have unfortunately received the pink slip. Sometimes even more challenging, you may have dealt with a personal issue of losing a loved one, struggles with your kids, or the ending of a long-term relationship.

No matter the instance, there are very few of these circumstances that should make you drop to your knees in shame, regret or sorrow. While your stress may have reached a crescendo this year, the All-Mighty – no matter what your faith – has a plan for all of us. Usually, this plan has many rewarding facets, and opens a door that you never thought was there before. It can be truly amazing!

For me, this has happened in a couple ways – professionally and personally. Both have been profound and have emphasized to me to always believe there’s a new resilient road waiting for all of us.

Professionally, as I mentioned, I began 2009 as one of 1,500 great employees who were beginning to be laid off from a terrific company. This company relied on credit to do business, which made it a multi-billion company through its more than 50 years. The Great Recession, however, brought this venerable corporation to its knees. More than 75 percent of its nationwide workforce has been laid off to date.

Then there’s me. A corporate communications executive looking for work that had disappeared – or at east been put on hold – from nearly every company. The open jobs out there at my level also were being pursued by 400 other qualified individuals. I’d get to the final group of applicants but there always was someone who had 30 of 30 requirements – while I had 29 of 30.

As you should in a similar circumstance: I began looking “outside the box” and finding a new course that could take advantage of my 25+ years of writing and speaking skills. After focusing on fine-tuning my personal brand, I began writing a resiliency blog and the rest has been so rewarding and very humbling. More than 1 million hits…top four personal branding blogs in the nation…speaking engagement locally, nationally and possibly worldwide….and, yes, gratification and peace of mine.

The point for all of us: Believe in your skills and look for ways to apply them in unique ways in these challenging times. You need to create a large space between feeling helpless (like I initially did), and finding something you truly want to do in life that, of course, pays the bills. I thought my previous position was fantastic but helping me and all of you get past our life and career resiliency struggles is much more rewarding and gratifying. What do you ultimately want to do in life?

For me personally, it was also an enriching year. My wife and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, and our 14-year-old daughter is achieving her black belt in Kung Fu and doing extremely well in school. Most importantly, I found a way to look past my life struggles as a person with a disability (Cerebral Palsy), and show great folks like you the ways to successfully apply resilience in every part of your life and career.

Talking frankly about my disability as a resilient example to you was not an easy transformation for me. Those with disabilities are taught through experiences at a young age “to stay in the weeds” and not become too noticeable in this “normal” world. Especially at a young age, physically challenged folks like me don’t always want to highlight their “differences” because they want to fit in and be seen as “normal” as possible.

Now that I am celebrating 50 this month, I have found that you can’t worry about your perceived “weaknesses.” You need to focus on your strengths because that’s what folks will remember. Since my mid-forties, I began to realize that my disability, which affects my walking and balance, was actually a resilient strength not a weakness. It only took me nearly 50 years to realize my lifelong adaptability has made me a hopefully better and more compassionate person…

The next time you see yourself in a discouraging light at work or in your personal relationships, please remember all of your unique strengths that have allowed you to be successful. But also look inside yourself for an area or two that you can crystalize to be healthier and a more resilient person in all aspects of your life. I did this, and it is making such a difference in my life!

The holiday season is time for joy and a resilient anticipation for tomorrow…if only you make a commitment to see past the challenges and be the best and courageous person that you are. You know that YOU are that person…

Until next week, I encourage you to please stay strong and resilient no matter what challenges you are navigating through!

As pro golfer Tiger Woods found out recently, life mistakes can have a profound effect on our family and the fabric of our lives. Whether we make mistakes large or small, however, it is our resiliency, adaptability and honesty that will help us move past such challenges in our lives and/or careers.

I don’t want to talk any further about Tiger’s own personal issues except to say they reemphasize a lesson I learned many years ago: It’s not that we make mistakes, it’s how we react from those challenges that truly make the ultimate difference in our continuing success.

Circumstances Should Not Consume Us

While I have a very wonderful 25-year marriage, the point is we can’t let circumstances consume us no matter what those challenges may be. Many of us, for example, have gone through layoff challenges in this perfect storm economy or have been over-burdened at work because of extra duties added with valued colleagues being let go.

Should we feel down at least momentarily…of course. Should we lose our confidence for the moment because very challenging things have come to our doorstop…while I hope not but we are, again, only human. I made the mistake of blaming myself after my layoff even though I was told I was one of the top performers at my company. I also made a mistake initially thinking that I just had one course of action to try to find the same type communications executive position I’ve always been successful at in the past.

My additional mistake was letting such circumstances consume me without seeing the true skills and potential I had in this “new” economy. You also may have experienced this, but I did a lot of soul-searching after I figured out the types of jobs I was accustomed to were just not there – or at least not readily available – anymore.

I Did Not See My Life Gifts or the Broad Picture…

So where was I going to go and what were my next options. To be honest, I just did not know at first. Should I continue down the same employment path as before or should I do something else? Well, what I decided is an example that I suggest you consider as you move down your unique career and life journey.

Re-Looking at Your Personal Brand is Critical

I looked extremely hard at my personal brand and what I truly loved to do in life. I want to retire some day in Hawaii but that is not going to happen any time soon. So how should I use my many talents in life to continue being reasonably successful in life? After a lot of reflection, I decided to use my gifts as a writer and speaker to help others with their shared desire to have a happy life and very resilient future. But how could I do this?

For my health, I started to write this blog to keep my writing talents sharp and my skills in talking with people fine-tuned. It was a God-send and a true revelation…my common-sense resiliency strategies hit the right cord. I used my personal work resiliency moments and life challenges as a person with a disability (Cerebral Palsy) to help provide – as many of you have highlighted – real life vignettes that show how all of us can stay resilient.

While I now have more than a million hits on this blog, and have made speeches to organizations and individuals worldwide, the point is that I needed to re-invent the way I thought about myself leading me to a very resilient mindset. That has helped me maintain my confidence, stay persistent and be truly patient as I find ways to spread the resiliency message to (very, very humbly) millions of great folks like you.

Never Limit Yourself

The additional point: Please never limit yourself or let any mistake consume you to where you do not see your true potential – not only at work but in life. If I would have stayed the typical course, I’d still be out of work with much reduced confidence and a sense of diminishing hope. Now, I have a resiliency business that is so gratefully taking off. Despite my layoff mistakes initially, I looked at my self hard, determined what I absolutely wanted to do in life and developed a plan to get me there.

So, if you have made life or career mistakes or are facing other significant challenges, I suggest you never give up believing in yourself, your resilient attitude or the rock-solid values you live by everyday. While I personally went through my “black hole” after the very agonizing layoff, I found the resilient formula to be happy and healthy in my life.

Understand your personal brand and confidently go to where you want to be. I know you can have even more success than me if you only believe…

I will talk with you next week, and I hope you are staying resilient despite the possible missteps and challenges all of us inevitably face.