Early in his successful presidential run, Barack Obama mentioned he used a resilient mindset in keeping on track, staying focused, understanding how other people see him and staying emotionally healthy. Wow! In times of struggle for all of us, the lesson I learned from the President is the need to look hard at your resilient self and understand the needs you want achieved.

Whether you are looking for work or are employed but maxed out, all of us should adopt or fine-tune our own resilient mindset that can keep us from going nuts! The next two articles I write – Part 1 and II – will highlight  the resilient mindset concept for those of you who are still employed. The challenges you face can be very daunting: Ever-increasing budget cuts, workload expectations going through the ceiling panels, working more with a lot less and, yes, the notion that layoffs are not over yet to name a few.

As you look at your work resilience, you may want to mull through the following questions you may face every day:

Do you deal difficult customers, colleagues or supervisors? Are you involved in chaotic or exhausting work events? Does it seem like you have to solve the challenges and problems of your direct reports even before your first cup of coffee every morning?  Are you asked to solve work issues assigned by your boss that seem overwhelming or unsolvable? Do you find that you are becoming less resilient to taking sometime challenging  work events in stride?

If you’ve said “yes” to any of these, don’t feel alone. A recent national survey of employees found that 78 percent of them said “yes” to at least one of these questions. More than 50 percent said “yes” to all of them…

Are you surprised? I wasn’t. I have spent the last 25 years successfully (or mostly successfully) stamping out the fires that probably keep you up at nights. Some of my fun has included:

- The last second “request” by the CEO to totally rewrite his approved upcoming speech – and do it in the next hour for his plane ride review…

- The direct report who was to present a white paper at a conference but accidentally deleted the presentation 15 minutes before his presentation – the IT guys had fun with that one.

- Staying up all night to meet a project deadline that unknowingly that day had been pushed back two weeks. My AA was busy planning a luncheon celebration and never gave me the message…

A few times I have been “knocked down” trying to navigate through the turbulent currents we call “the office.” But most of my work life has not been on the “darkside” but trying to stay within a healthy resilient mindset.  I’ve been successful at overcoming most of the work obstacles that many of us face everyday – and ride the resilient wave helping solve a myriad of work issues because of a few strategies I’ve learned along the way.

I use the phrase “resilient mindset,” which I define as deal ing effectively with all aspects of your work life, including challenging customers, colleagues or possibly being nervous that this challenging economy might affect your job. This also means springing back from adversity to take pleasure in the quiet moments with your spouse, significant person, children, friends or yourself – and even realizing that work/life balance is more than just a concept on a corporation’s blotter.

To keep your work resilience at a healthy level, I have found the art of workplace compromise, adaptability, finding common ground, and understanding my strengths and weaknesses very important.

Compromise: At least in American culture, the word “compromise” is not always seen in the best of light in the workplace Typically, many of us are brought up to stick to our beliefs and not give in unless absolutely necessary. Well, in your job and career, this narrowly-defined attitude can spell ultimate failure. There was a study that showed that not being able to compromise was one of the top reasons work relationships fail.

For me, compromise does not mean always giving in to the eccentricities or demands of your co-workers – or even your boss. It’s giving a little on both sides to find a common middle. That approved CEO speech I mentioned earlier is a good example of how I used the art of compromise to my fullest advantage. Instead of shuddering at the timeframe for writing the “new speech,” I talked with the CEO and gave him a number of concrete reasons why the new timeframe would not make him look good.

You can recite what is good for the company but try highlighting what is best for the person. None of us, even CEOs, want to come across as unprepared. I received an extra 90 minutes to re-craft the speech…it truly made the difference. Humbly speaking the CEO received a standing ovation after his speech.

A non-work compromise example that can be applied to work happened to me recently. After five years, my 14-year-old daughter was apparently not that interested in the flute any longer I thought she should just give up playing an instrument. My wife, however, took the long view and said that playing an instrument could continue to teach our daughter commitment, resilience and teamwork.

After many days of discussion, I began to believe my wife was right but that our daughter had to continue playing the flute instead of the sax.  We compromised on the solution – it took another month to convince our daughter about the positives of playing the flute rather than the challenges and expense of trying a new instrument at her age.

The workplace point: Sometimes your co-workers or other colleagues are right on about the implementation of a project. I suggest not letting status and (yes) egos get in the way of a great idea. A senior manager once told me he received the best advice over lunch when he sat down by one of the hourly workers.

The manager struck up a conversation with the worker about the new work/life balance plan of the company he was presenting to the entire company the following week in the afternoon. The worker was interested but asked how will it be communicated to his friends on the “grave yard” shift. The manager said they would have to attend the presentation or call-in.

The worker said presenting info about work/life balance policies is great for those on the right shifts, but the presentation for other might be a burden with families, sleep, etc. The light bulb went off and the senior manager added presentations at the times convenient for the shift workers. It meant a bit more time for him but ultimately was seen as very proactive in getting the message successfully out.

The manager compromised – not because of superiors – but because he listened to a typical employee. He could have stuck to his original schedule but compromised for the good of employees. It ultimately caused him less stress because he did not have to go back and “fix” something out-of-whack.

What ways you could “compromise” with a superior, co-worker or direct report that might make your day and week go smoother. Not everything needs to go your way, and the skill of compromising in some situations can be seen as a very positive career enhancer and part of your work resilience.

Adaptability: We have all learned to adapt in our lives one way or another – whether at work or personally. Personally, I’ve had to adapt to a life-long disability known as Cerebral Palsy, which has at least initially affected perceptions of me at work.

The old saying, “Never judge a book by its cover” definitely applies in my case and possibly many colleagues you deal with every day. Sometimes these perceptions get in the way that might affect you or your team’s productivity at work. Such unfounded perceptions can cause you stress and may make you pop a few antacids during the day.

Don’t worry that a person may be of a different generation, different gender, different belief or – like me – a bit different physically.

I suggest leaving all that at the door and judge folks on their work and how they get along with you. Sounds easy, but I know perceptions can become reality if you are not careful.

Very early in my career (I am now 49) a supervisor was so caught up with my disability, he would go down to the lunch room to get me something to eat, never schedule a meeting if it was not a short distance away from my cube, etc., etc. He was under the mistaken impression that I could not do normal activities. He later said he thought I was in pain when I walked.

Disconnect to the max. He assumed something that he never asked me about and adapted much of his free work time “to help me.” Finally, I sat him down to let him know I never need help unless I ask for it. He was shocked I walked around the State Fair, lettered in tennis and golf in high school, etc. When I told him this, he was effectively released from having to adapt a lot of his day to make my work day better – this, of course, was before the Americans with Disability Act was enacted in 1988.

The workplace point: My personal example may be on the extreme side, but you need to be successfully adaptive in your work style with others. I suggest never assuming someone can ‘t do something or only has a certain skill set without asking or observing the person first.

Please think about two adaptability and compromise moments at work that relieved your stress in the past, or ones you would have like to have done differently.

Knowing Your Strengths – and Weaknesses. Now let’s talk about how your resilient mindset plays into strengths and, yes, our weaknesses. All of us have tremendous personal and professional strengths – and, of course, a few weaknesses along the way.

As we talk through this section, please think about ways you use your tremendous strengths to be a great person, employee and supervisor. When doing this, then think about the ways your perceived weaknesses sometimes mask the best that you are. As employees, all of us want to feel great about our work and have a sense of accomplishment without feeling like you are gasping for breath or waiting for the next crisis to hit.

While we need to understand our weaknesses, I contend (for our health, happiness and well-being) we should focus on what we do well in at work, instead of always dwelling on the things we don’t do so well. It’s definitely easier said than done. I know I could list work weaknesses easier than writing down the same amount of strengths. Studies show that our strength/weakness thought process is just the way our brains are connected and how societal norms prompt us to view ourselves.

In your job, though, I have found my greatest success when I am totally focus on what I do best. I know that is easier said than done because you don’t always get accolades on your strengths at work. Rather, some corporate cultures rate you more on your possible missteps. I m usually a very laid-back consensus-builder type of guy at work, and I am not at my best when I step out of character – being too inflexible and stubborn. I definitely can exhibit all these sometimes-perceived weaknesses but my strength is being the compassionate, team guy in most work situations.

Knowing my particular strengths have helped successfully stay on the same resilient page. When I recently was asked to create a layoff communications plans that would affect so many of my work friends – and ultimately me -the first draft was not “hard enough.” I’m not good at being hard.

I took the critique by upper management, and used my strengths of adaptability to craft a more direct yet sensitive communications plan that was implemented. The point: Unless you lack some core skills, I suggest not worrying as much your weaknesses. Spend at least 80 percent of the time demonstrating your strengths to your work world. You’ll feel happier and a lot better of yourself, while showing what you do best. Your work hired you for your strengths – showing them every day will keep you healthy.

A study has show that workers can improve their strengths by up to 30 percent. If they use the same amount of time to improve their weaknesses, they can only get less than a 10 percent improvement rate. If we have a glaring weakness, that is a different story but…focus on your strengths, my friends.

In Part II of this article next week, I will talk about finding common ground, dealing with work setbacks and enjoying your time at work – where you may spend more than one-third of your working years in life.

Your comments have been very inspiring! Thanks for linking to my resiliency site, and I will talk with you again next week!

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

With all of Tiger Woods golfing prowess, he credits his father for teaching that talent, effort and sometime brilliance can only take a person so far in life. His father told him the most important part in any life equation is “believing in yourself.” Tiger has said – like any of us – the belief in himself has not always been there for him 100 percent of the time.

As a person who was recently laid off from my dream job and is now successfully starting a resiliency speaking and writing business, I find this very encouraging. Tiger has been so successful yet his mind can also play a number with him…

As all of us struggle through this economic mess worldwide, your self-belief can make the total difference between pulling the sheets over your head in the morning, or believing that your talent and creativity will help keep/find the job you may be worried about right now.

There are many external factors – like being laid off – that can puncture a hole in your belief. There, however, is only one way you can control how others see you – by showing the resilience and strong spirit that allows you to successfully navigate through these chaotic times.

I admit that sometimes I am an idealist. I, for one, have had moments in my life where my belief in myself is nearly non-existent. The only way I can move forward from these moments is focusing my energies on my strengths, understanding my will to succeed, stop sweating the small stuff, and allowing myself to stretch and, yes, sometimes fail. Believing in yourself can be unimaginably hard and none of us can be a “rock” all the time. If you understand that you might fail once in awhile, the belief will give you the strength to overcome whatever you want changed in your life.

Stretching: Stretching yourself can mean many things in your personal or professional life. For me, personally, it is believing that I will be able to walk my whole life. This, despite my life-long physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) that is making me a bit more fragile as I celebrate  being 50 this year. As I sometimes literally fall, I must keep believing that walking without some type of aid is still possible long term. Friends and family think this is a bit of a stretch – even though they have my very best interests in their heart. But if I don’t keep believing in myself, I am likely to see my walking independence reduced or eliminated as I age.

While there is nothing wrong with aids, my belief has stubbornly kept me walking without a cane or even a wheelchair. I look for ways to adapt and keep myself from teeter-tottering unnecessarily.

While I still have my falls and visit the pavement, I give you this personal example to offer a moment for you to reflect: How are you doing maintain your belief in yourself? What ways will you use keep believing even if you encounter a few bumps in the road?

No More Sweats: I recently heard anecdotal information that nearly everyone in a workplace could be at least 20 percent more efficient if they would avoid sweating the small stuff typically out of a person’s control. Such things like the challenging habits of a co-worker, the company policies that only give lip service to real work/life balance, or the boss that spends more time worrying about image rather than substance.

Most all of us have been in these situations, and they can truly derail the belief in your resilient self. Instead of spending more time developing your strengths, you might be spending 20 percent dealing with such “small things” that you can’t ultimately control anyway.

You can’t avoid such nonsense totally – especially at work – but you can minimize your time/reaction by not using unnecessary to try to change them. The boss I had many years ago who was more style than substance could not be changed. Yet, I spent time trying to find ways to wake him up or at least move him closer to center. I had no luck on all counts but this effort hurt the perception of myself because I truly believed I could make it right.

Will: You have to want to believe in yourself. I have met many good folks that don’t understand their strengths, their personal and professional contributions, or just how resilient they are in life. I’m sure you have met a few folks like this, too.

Any of us can point to circumstances and say, “This is the reason I don’t have self-confidence moving forward.” I say to those folks that they need to step back, reassess the positives they bring to this world and have the will to successfully deal with the great days as well as the ones that don’t go quite as well. I contend that your will should not be used as a way to get the next next big thing – 100 inch big-screen TV or that supped-up sports car that has “You” written all over it.

I think you need to reign in the will a bit and focus on using your immense talents to “believe” – believe in yourself, believe in your resilient attitude and, most importantly, believe that you have the opportunity to make this world  a much better place with your presence. How will you use your will to believe in yourself?

Tiger and all of us can serve ourselves more resiliently if we could consistently remember a slightly altered Martin Luther King phrase, “Believe at last, believe at last and, most importantly,  believe at last!”

Thanks, again, for visiting my resiliency site and reading this article. Please just let me know if you have any comments or you’d like me to focus on additional resiliency topics. Take Care…

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

As all of us withstand the body blows of today’s challenging world, more than just a job, house or relationship has been possibly lost in successfully lasting through the 15^th round.  In many cases, our confidence, self-esteem and appreciation for ourselves have also taken a severe hit as we weather the economic storm.

It can be very difficult to worry about confidence or self-esteem as fantastic folks like us try to find their next great work adventure, or hang on through the next round of layoffs. While the economic outlook looks a bit brighter these days, I have talked to many friends who do not always appreciate the special person they are.

I’ve been there and done that. Even when my life is going on all cylinders, I still sometimes have challenges with my confidence. Sure, I’ve done nine out of 10 things very well, but what about the one I did not. I can dwell on that one. Instead of building on my “wins,” I wonder why I could not have had one more success.

As you may have experienced, thinking about the “one that got away” can consume your thoughts and make you less confident and efficient moving forward. Then, add potential layoffs, underemployment or other life challenges. They can truly play with your mind…

If there is one thing I’ve learned through my layoff and successfully starting my own business this year is I cannot forget to take care of myself emotionally and mentally during the transition. You also need to take care of the most important person in your life – YOU!

Here what I’ve learned:

A Bit of a Stretch: Most of us understand we need to exercise to keep our body and weight within our control. Because of my physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), I’ve also learned that a stretching routine each morning helps stop my creaky body from feeling like a rusty door hinge.

What I found after my layoff is I have to treat my mind in somewhat the same way. I had to develop a “stretching routine” that kept me emotionally ready to withstand any challenges of starting a new business and other bumps along the way.

I developed the SEAC (pronounced SEEK) method, and it has helped me a great deal. SEAC stands for Self-Esteem, Appreciation and Confidence. Each morning, I spend no more than 20 minutes – the same as my exercise routine – to “exercise” my psyche a bit. I find actions I have taken – most likely from the previous day – that help me appreciate myself and how I can seek to maintain my confidence and esteem.

SEACing Resilience: Admittedly, some days are harder than others to find those resilient trigger points. I, however, look at my whole life – not just my professional life. While SEAC may be about work, it could be that I had a resilient conversation with my 14-year-old daughter, which can be one of those amazing and wondering things. (Dealing successfully with teenagers is whole separate article for another time.) Or, it could be I was able to help a colleague or friend through his or her own challenging professional or person moment.

My point is you need to find something in your life that keeps showing the terrific person you are known for every day. Your actions tell a resilient story, and SEAC may help show them – to yourself!

Appreciate, Appreciate, Appreciate: A friend of mine forwarded me a memorable quote recently from life solutions expert Mary Manin Morrissey that sums up SEAC very well. It goes:

“Appreciate yourself. The next time someone pays you a compliment, don’t shrug it off or put yourself down. When we push away acknowledgment of our divine selves, we can’t amplify the good that is trying to move through our lives. We can be humble and still accept praise. Accept that others are seeing the true being within you. Take pleasure that others recognize your true identity. And give the gift of a compliment to someone else.”

Next time you want to stay in bed because of challenging moments, your son/daughter has one of those teenage moments, you forgot to say “I Love You” to your spouse, or you don’t see the goodness of you, please remember: SEAC ways to find how your special talents make a difference to you and so many others in your orbit.

Look forward to talking with you again next week! Please e-mail me if you anything to add, or would like me to cover additional resiliency topics.

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

Thanks to everyone who has responded privately about additional topics they’d like me to write about or emphasize further.

One of the requests is to further explain the concept of grieving. This may be because of a job loss, a significant personal relationship has ended in your life, not having enough quality time for yourself, or just getting fed up with the direction your career and life is turning.

It was that iconic cartoon character Charlie Brown who spoke the famous phrase, “Good Grief!” He was always lamenting how he could not kick the football that Lucy would snatch away at the last moment, or why no one would invite him to the Valentine’s Day Party, or why none of his “friends” wanted him around – even his famous dog Snoopy.

In his mind, there was nothing good about his grief, and he never seemed to know how to handle it effectively. Well usually, he was eventually invited to the party and Snoopy needed his daily supply of bones.

In real life, however, dealing with grief doesn’t always end up working out well unless you can get through those grief stages (by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross) I’ve mentioned before:

- Denial (this isn’t happening to me!)

- Anger (why is this happening to me?)

- Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)

- Depression (I don’t care anymore)

- Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)A

So many good folks like you and me generally start to “spin” in the anger and depression stages and these are what I’m going to discuss today.

Anyone who has told you that their life is completely happy with very little stress or grief is fibbing probably a lot. All of us have grieving moments in the past that we’d wish we could forget. Because the U.S. unemployment rate is pushing towards 10 percent (or more than 6 million good folks like you and me), many of our friends are in the midst of one those grief stages I mentioned above.

With personal experience of being laid off from my dream job, the anger and depression stages seem to eat you up and not let you go. Why is that? So much of our self-worth, confidence in ourselves and (yes) even social standing is wrapped up in what we do for a living. You don’t have to be an owner of a company like me to understand that people sublimely judge you on the type of work that you do. When you meet strangers, what is usually an initial question they ask: “So what do you do for a living?”

When you are temporarily out of work, what do you say? A friend of mine said that this the hardest moment of searching for his next great work adventure. It also feeds the anger and depression all of us feel when something is taken away from us no matter how great you were at your job.

If you don’t get through the anger and/or depression stages, it makes a person’s life infinitely more challenging and mind-numbing. In fact, a lesser-known grief model hits the nail on the head:

The stages are:

- Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)

- Reorganization (re-entry into a more ‘normal’ social life.)

- Relief (Where you want to be…)

So what do we do?

Nearly all of us realize that we will find the right job at some point – hopefully in the near future. But many great folks I know have been looking for more than a year. Thus, the anger, depression and stress keep building…

A few ways to avoid spinning continuously in the anger and depression modes are finding your circle of support, staying motivated and be proactive in networking. While I still had my moments of anger these three activities kept me resilient during very challenging times. Just think about:

Recovering Gracefully

There is definitely a recovery period after a job, relationship or any other significant loss in your life. And the recovery period may last longer than you think or hope. Feelings of anger or depression also may last for longer than you expect. Give yourself time to grieve the loss, and express your feelings in healthy ways so they will pass more quickly.

Writing this blog was one way I developed a very healthy and fulfilling way to stay healthy and have the right perspective. Try to do something fun in your life, instead of just trying to plug your way through the pain.

Finding Your Personal Support

The day I was laid off, I also started networking to find both a new full-time job and some contract work so I could pay my immediate bills. But the process can be daunting. It’s very important to have a support system–friends or family members who can motivate you to jump back on the horse. My wife, daughter and mother were absolutely critical in keeping my confidence high as I began a new speaking and writing business about resiliency.

Staying Motivated

Keeping grounded is key. Meeting with colleagues and friends helps me to deal with a lot of stress.  They show me that I am not the only one going through such stress – even though sometimes it feels that way.

Volunteering, formal classes, and exercising at the gym also are excellent ways to build structure into your days–and may provide that important lead to the next job. I volunteer with my local communications association, am a member of a local governmental board, and serve as president of my neighborhood association. Each provides an outlet for my talents and gives me the opportunity to network with so many folks.

Networking

I have always advocated networking-that’s how I found my last two full-time jobs and all of my contract work. I’ve written a lot about networking on my blog and encourage you to read my networking article I wrote several months ago. Eight out of ten job – probably more – are found through talking to friends, colleagues and new contacts. I am an introvert and have a physical disability – Cerebral Palsy. If I can network successfully, you can, too.

Find such ways to work through your grief, and I promise you your life will be more fulfilled, and you’ll be able to move on to your next great adventure!

Talk with you next week. It’s very gratifying and humbling that I am resonating with so many great folks like you worldwide!

So many of my friends and colleagues continue to suffer through this seemingly endless economic malaise. Whether it is being laid off, not finding (any) new great work adventure, having work hours reduced or having personal relationships take a skid, most of us have seen some part of our lives take  a hit as the economy finally begins its slow road to recovery.

I was laid off earlier this year from my dream job, and naturally I internalized some of the blame even though it was not my fault at all. Nearly 1500 of my co-workers also have received the pink slip over the last year. Each of them have probably had the same fault thoughts as they recover.

Three strategies that have helped me through to my next great adventure are not anything revolutionary. They are truly common-sense techniques that all of us possess, but some of us don’t use effectively. They are: Do not dwell on actions out of your control, use your network to seizer control of your career, and find ways to still have fun in life.

Like you, I am not a perfect person. Sometimes these techniques have gone out the window if I did not get a job I wanted, my daughter has had one of her teenage moments, or after I talk with a friend who is not handing life well.

But, overall, these strategies have truly kept me in the present without unduly worrying about the past or the future. They also can do the same for you!

For me: I was lucky to have parents who instilled these beliefs in me when I was young. Being resilient in today’s economy pales in comparison to life issues I have experienced in the past. As a person with a life-long physical disability (Cerebral Palsy or CP), I have literally fallen and hurt myself hundreds of times in my life. (Among other things, CP affects balance and walking.)

For my whole life, I’ve had to deal with things out of my control, nurture the support of my family and friends, find fantastic ways to stay resilient and still have fun. You, of course, have your own life challenges and my experiences might seem meager to what you have had to endure.

The point is finding control, accessing your network and continue having a bit of fun helps keep all of us from going nuts as we continue to hear that the economy and employment won’t truly hit their recovery stride until sometimes next year.

Control: What life and career actions are totally within your control? For me, being called a work “rock star” and “essential” gave me some belief that I could ride out the layoff wave. Yet, I was still laid off. Nearly all of us think we are in control of more things than we are. My mother has worked at the same company for nearly 63 years. She is a beloved instution at her company and continues to thrive every day. The rest of us can expect 10 jobs over our career – not because we like to move around or our performance is deficient. The great company you work for today may not be in control of their fate tomorrow.

So, why worry about things out of your control? A psychologist I had coffee with told me “it’s being human.” Sounds justifiable in the abstract, but that does not pay the mortgage, keep your solid relationships intact, or make you feel a whole lot better.

Next time you have a low-confidence moment, just think about the three life actions totally within your control – your attitude, your values and how you interact with people. Find ways to use these three to see what is important for your life – your family, your friends and yourself.

Network: All of us have our people “network” in addition to our close circle of family and friends. Most of us don’t use it as effectively as we could for various reasons. The most common is not knowing where to start.

In a previous article, I discussed my networking tips, which I will highlight for you again. If these work for me – being an introvert and physically challenged – they can most likely assist you in becoming better known in promoting your career needs.

Networking sounds hard, but it can be fairly straight-forward if you follow a few simple techniques. They can allow you  to successfully network with anyone.

When setting up a coffee or lunch, remember to access anyone that you know – from your previous jobs, the associations you belong and all your social media connections. The last two wonderful jobs I landed were directly accessed through my network.

Here’s the “skinny”:

1. Never ask them for a job, but provide them with a statement of the work you are looking for and a resume they can look through. If they have something, you’ll hear about the position. Networking, initially, is to get to know the person so they remember you when a position crosses their desk or they see something over the Internet.

2. While not asking for a job, you must ask them if they could connect you with at least two other folks from their network you can talk with. Asking for other people’s names/contact info is less threatening to them and shows your true desire to ask for their advice and counsel.

3. Always ask the person if they would provide short e-mail introductions to their contacts. This will give you instant credibility with those you will be contacting. They know the person you networked with, and that person has said what a nice guy you are, etc.

4. Meet your network contacts at places and times convenient for them. Have them suggest a spot, and they will feel more comfortable.

5. Always e-mail them after your networking meeting thanking them for their advice and potential contacts. Also, ask them if you could stay in contact with them periodically and maybe meet again at some later point.

6. When you first connect with your networker’s contacts, make sure to reference the person’s name and what a nice person he/she is. This will connect you with that person as the new contact decides whether he/she has time to network or will be able to provide you with an informational interview.

7. Repeat the same processes with every person that becomes a part of your network. Be patient and don’t be concerned the person does not get back to you right away. He/she may be extremely busy, and they may value your true patience with them.

8. Additionally, always let the people you meet with know you are more than willing to help them network or get connected with your contacts if they, at some point, look for a new position. Because remember: A fantastic networker understands that connecting is not a one-way street. Providing two-way support will show your willingness to go the extra mile and will probably be memorable to your “network.”

9. One last to do: I encourage you become active in a relevant industry association as part of your current position at work. This will give you visibility in the association, and you could personally meet a lot of folks who might be able to help you in the future.

Belief in networking will help you land your next great work adventure.

Fun: When was the last time you truly had fun this year? My family and I recently headed down to the Keys in Florida. While extremely hot and humid, the time allowed me to step back from this year and just enjoy the time I spent with my family. No phone calls, e-mails to answer or even articles/blog posts to write. It was fabulous! As an introvert, I need to reenergize myself once in a while, and Key West offered me big-time “reenergizing.” When I got back to Minnesota, I felt a bit like the energizer bunny!

You may not want to travel, but please find some quality time for yourself to chill a bit and remember the great person that you are. This time will truly and honestly make a difference as you move forward in you job, your family and, most importantly, in your life!

Please let me know how you are doing and expect to see a new post next week. Until then, I hope you are having a resilient day!

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

Over the last seven months, I’ve written about a variety of career and life resiliency articles. To make sure I am hitting the subjects that resonate with you, please let me know other resiliency topics you’d like me to discuss in the future.

While I write this blog, the content is meant to engage and offer you common-sense ways to approach your resiliency at work and in life. I would appreciate your ideas to help me keep this blog fresh, forthcoming and current.

Thanks in advance for your comments!

As we very slowly recover from this deep recession, what has the challenges and obstacles taught you to better react to work or life challenges in the future? The recession is nowhere close to ending, but it is already time to think about how your present will affect your future. Will you react the same way if such obstacles come again? Have you thought about what you truly want to do/or be in your life besides just earning a bi-weekly paycheck?

This horrible recession has taught me to look beyond my skills that I know, and navigate into unchartered waters that may maake me much happier in the future. I never knew I could be an award-nominated writer and speaker about life resiliency…but it has happened. I never knew my words could resonate with more than 10,000 worldwide folks like you on my blog or other online sources monthly…but I have. I never knew I’d be happier about my personal worth than before I was one of many of you who were laid off earlier this year…but I am.

As you successfully weave your way through these challenging times, how can you complete this phrase, “I never knew…”

How are you:

Reaffirming the positives in your life today… For me, I thank God everyday that I am happily married, have good friends not only just acquaintances, and my works (such as this blog) help folks like you sort through their life and career resilience. I post one positive about my life everyday in my office, so I can stay grounded and in the present moment. Sounds simple and it is. Looking at this throughout the day helps me get through bumps all of us can go through.

Knowing what you truly want… I would love to be sitting on a Hawaiian beach, sipping a cool one and being ultimately confident of who I am today. Well, the Hawaiian beach and the cool one may have to wait at least until next week, but I do truly know who I am as a person right now. This profile includes all the positives and blemishes in my life. But I always try to be a Simon on “American Idol” and be honest with myself. Some days I am more brutally honest than others, but that’s what staying in the present is all about. Warts and everything.

How about you? Are you dwelling on your successes/failures in the past and not focuses on what you need to do in the present? Take five minutes and reflect on what you truly want from yourself today. For me, it is always a truly healthy exercise.

Stop worrying about things out of your control… Throughout my previous blog posts, I’ve highlighted this “things within your control” message. To stay in the present, you must understand what is truly in your control. For me, the one thing absolutely in my control is my attitude. How I am thinking about myself, my work, my life, my family and my friends? In the final analysis, there is not much in our control except your attitude. If you let your attitude slip, life can really spiral downwards. How is your attitude today? With our world’s current economic mess, you may have lost your job, your savings and your confidence.

I’d suggest thinking for a couple minutes about how you can take charge of your attitude even with the real challenges many of us have day-to-day. For me, it has made a tremendous difference.

Staying in the present gives you the ability to still navigate the current of your life – whether smooth or a bit bumpy. This, in the final analysis, will help you stay happy about yourself and continue to ride the wave of your inner resilience…and stay in the present. Then, you can fulfill your dreams and truly know about you.

Unfortunately, most of us have been knocked down in our personal or professional lives in one way or another. More of my good friends were just laid off from companies that had never laid off anyone in their history. Naturally, many are very down…not knowing where to turn next to continue with their lives. It’s a deeply saddening time in our nation’s history when companies are forced to cut to the bone because the economy is very slow in turning around.

No matter what political affiliations you have, I’m sure you or someone you know has been affected by these tragic times. Is it time to blame George Bush, Barack Obama or the Congress for our significant challenges? I contend “no” – we need to come together as America has always done to keep us on the right track. Our country and the good folks of it have been knocked down before but we have never stayed down. Look at the Great Depression, Pearl Harbor or even the Civil War.

It’s truly a jip that most of our current knock downs – being laid off, foreclosure on a house and getting behind on every other bills – are not always within our control. I, in fact, was laid off from my dream job – not because of my stellar performance – but that the credit market dried up and the great company I worked for could not find the money to keep itself afloat.

My friends and I are not alone, and I am sure you have had to deal with a myriad of unexpected issues now whether you are employed or not. The current economic crisis has hurt our life resiliency in so many different ways. Some who have lost their job also are finding personal relationships – even long-term ones – very difficult.

I wish I had the answers to our country’s challenges. I know this: We cannot let the current economic woes knock us out for the 10-count. Besides starting my own communications and resiliency business, I have used the three Ps of life – perseverance, persistence and patience – to get back up and be successful.

Being Knocked Down

I have fallen or “been knocked down” before and have always gotten right back up. I am sure you have had your life moments where you’ve fallen and have gotten back up – and are better for it in the long run. In my previous articles, I mentioned that I have a lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), which affects my walking, my balance and sometime my ability to stop from literally falling on the ground. Nothing can hurt or be more sobering than falling in front of, well, anyone knowing you don’t always have control of your body or the situation.

Should I just lie there and pity myself. No, I need to get up, dust myself off and try to stay as independent as all of us want to be. Once I had to go to the emergency room because I smacked my head on a marble floor. I could have given up but I did not.

While I don’t hold myself up as an example, you can also work through your life “knock downs” – great and small – if you remember the three Ps of life – perseverance, persistence and patience. These three words have helped me through all life and career challenges that have come up.

Perseverance

What can any of us do if we are laid off? In these times, it is usually not because of your performance. The company needs to stay afloat and its labor costs are the single highest money outflow that they can control. So, they lay of good folks like us.

After I went through my laid-off grief stages I mentioned in a previous article, I looked at what was in my control and how I could persevere during these rough times. I knew I had three things I could control – my attitude, my values and the way I relate to people. While searching for a full-time gig, I also developed a personal business plan, looked hard at my personal brand and truly had a heart-to-heart with myself about what I wanted to do for the rest of my career.

Well, this perseverance led me to resiliency, this blog and establishing a business where I could speak at organizations, develop resiliency materials for those in need and stay healthy in my day-to-day activities. It’s been a true blessing…

The lesson I learned – and one you should think about – is don’t pity yourself because you have had a personal and professional loss. Look at yourself hard and decide what you want to do in life. Don’t just settle because then you may be going through the same challenges in future time. Persevere and understand the fantastic skills and qualities you offer everyday!

Persistence

I hope this does not happen to you:  After the 30th rejection letter, or having a company choose someone else after seven separate interviews from the CEO to the janitor on duty, I’ve had friends and colleagues say, “I am just going to give up.” This is when you must persist and learn how to promote yourself in an even better way.

I hate to promote myself. My dad was a car dealer, and I wish I had his out-going personality and ability to convince folks to close the deal. I’ve always struggled with this, and have tried to let my work do the talking for me. Unfortunately, in these times, you need to show folks why there can’t be a better candidate than you.

That’s why I think understanding and believing in your personal brand is absolutely a key to your future success. When I first re-crafted my “brand,” I thought I’d never come up with something that was truly me. But I persisted and gave myself enough time where I did not feel pressured to write something in five minutes. I persisted and diligently wrote down all my strengths and the types of work I like to do. I also did the same with my weaknesses and the activities I don’t like to do.

This gave my a framework where I was able to write down “my future.” It was not easy and it took significant time but I got it done and now I understand what I want to do for the last 15 years of my career. My persistence led to talking about resiliency and opening up about my disability experiences. Most of all, it gave me the inner confidence to offer my common-sense messages to assist you and other great folks worldwide. Being persistent can be magical…

Patience

You’ve just been laid off and wonder where the money will come from to pay the bills, keep your house and pay for your son’s birthday party coming up soon. In these circumstances, being patient to find your next great job is very hard. I’ve been there and my friends have been there. There’s nothing fun about it and you just want to hurry to find a job that pays for life.

For me, I found that I needed to step back for a moment and don’t hurry into something that I may regret. At least for the short term, I stayed patient and tried to understand what my next step should be. If you have access to unemployment insurance, you nest egg or money in your overall family, that’s great. If you don’t, you may want to consider consulting or some other type of part-time role to get you by for at least little while. This type of patience helped me as I found what I wanted to do – and the next great job in my life.

All of us can react wonderfully to favorable times in our lives. Our true grit is shown in how we deal with the professional and personal challenges all of us sometimes face. I suggest you think of the three Ps the next time you face one of those possible life-changing events in your life. Please don’t stay knocked down for long…see your true and fabulous potential.

I’d love to hear your comments. Until next week…thanks for being a avid reader of my blog!

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

I just learned that my blog is now averaging 10,000 hits a month worldwide from all of you fantastic folks! It’s such an honor being able to give you my common-sense advice on career and life resiliency issues. You also have provided me with fantastic feedback about the various subjects I cover. I feel so fortunate that my thoughts are resonating with the dreams and aspirations in your career and life!

If you have any recommended subjects for me to write about, please let me know on the blog or sending me an e-mail message at beseke1@earthlink.net.

Thanks for helping me achieve this milestone, and please tell your friends about the site. Onwards to 20,000 hits monthly.

Since I just started the blog in February, it’s such a gratifying day!