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Using Your Strengths To Retool Your Career/Life Can Be So Satisfying

April 25, 2010

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

Finding ways to use your strengths to retool your career. sounds hard and very intensive.  You know what, it is. But it is absolutely worth the effort and necessary in this uncertain economy.

After being laid off more than a year ago because of the economy, that is what I did and my career is now truly flying high. I developed a personal business plan, looked at my personal brand very hard and had a “heart to heart” on what I wanted to do for the rest of my career.

After being laid off from the dream job I mentioned, I looked at what I could control. My perseverance led me to developing an award-nominated resiliency blog worldwide attracting nearly 1 million hits and establishing a business where I could speak at organizations worldwide about resiliency. Developing additional resiliency materials for those in need led me to stay healthy and sane. It is very humbling…

Many of us spend too much time on what we could have done, or thinking about our perceived personal and professional weaknesses. Too often, we forget about our great – and sometimes untapped – talent that is just waiting to be used in a slightly different way.

To stay resilient in these challenging times, all of us need to focus on our strengths as a person, spouse, parent, friend and co-worker. This is especially true for many of us who have been seriously affected by recent layoffs, which are unfortunately continuing in our country today.

Adapting to new challenges always means looking at ways we can be a better person. But focusing on the past and any weakness(es) you see in yourself will diminish the fantastic person that you are everyday.

That is why this week I encourage you to think about one strength you see in yourself and how this positively affects your life. In fact, when you wake up in the mornings this week, let’s all try remember our strengths and the good people that we are.

Resiliency and adaptability is sometimes putting the past in perspective and creating a sense of future hope. Identifying your strengths will highlight the terrific assets you bring everyday to yourself, family and friends.

I heard someone say once: “You can’t always fix your weaknesses but you can definitely improve on your strengths. Focusing too much on weaknesses will expend far more needed resilient energy than continually showing the world your strengths.

Highlighting these strengths will allow each of us to tackle the variety of daily issues we face – and the uncertainty all of us may have in this economic perfect storm.

Yes, all of us have personal and professional challenges that are sometimes can cause us great pain and uncertainty. As I did, think about recrafting your toolset and looking beyond what you’ve accomplished in the past.

It will make a life-changing difference for you…it is definitely done so for me.

I look forward to talking with you next week. Thanks, again, for your constant readership!

How Are You Dealing With Life-Changing Crossroads In Your Life?

April 19, 2010

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

All of us come to those life-defining crossroads where difficult decisions have to be made and the “rubber hits the road.” Whether it is in our personal or professional lives, the decisions you make will have profound and life-changing affects on your well-being.

I reached one of these moments last year when the tragic economy forced me – and millions of others worldwide – to be laid off from my dream job. Fortunately, and very humbly, I started a very successful speaking and writing biz that I am promoting worldwide.

But now, I am facing a much more daunting foe – myself and how I think of my walking independence. As I’ve mentioned before, I have very successfully adapted to a lifelong physical disability known as Cerebral Palsy.

(As I summarize a bit of my life in the next few paragraphs, I don’t want to diminish any life resilient challenges you have/are experiencing. They may be tremendously more significant than any of my physical challenges. In giving a portrait of myself, though, I hope this allows you to think more clearly about who you are and your successful life moving forward.)

Since I was a child, I have always found ways to successfully overcome any obstacles in my way.

Whether it was transitioning from a crippled school for children in the 1960s to a normal school in third grade, persevering through the constant and hurtful teasing from kids when growing up, lettering in tennis and golf when no one thought I could, being told I would never date and marry except “with my own kind,” or having someone say I should only focus on jobs suited for my differences.

I have attained nearly all my life goals because I see myself – not as a disabled individual – but as an independent person who has rarely relied on people or external aids (e.g., canes, scooters, wheelchairs) to obtain what I expect in life. I am lucky to have a wonderful, beautiful able-bodied wife of 25+ years who has lovingly endured some of the physical challenges that have come up as I have aged – I am now 50.

Of course, 50 isn’t that old but doctors say parts of my back and hips inside look like an 80-year-old man. To be honest, sometimes they feel that way, too. Certain body parts are just wearing out because of the way I walk. My challenges include falling more, not being able to lift heavier things because of my back, not being able to walk longer distances as much, not having the quality of physical life I once had, etc., etc., etc.

But now I am at a significant change moment affecting my independence as I have known it all my life. Instead of walking independently like most of you, it is a necessity that I begin to use a cane – with a scooter and possibly other aids as I reach my 60s, 70s and beyond.

I am hurting much more significantly when I walk, and the cortisone shots (and all that) are just not working like they once did. I now need to go to the next level…which is where my mind comes in. One part of it tells me you just have to adapt internally like you always have done successfully. While another part says: “Steve: You need to look at the bigger picture and see what is best – not only for you – but your family as they try to deal with such changes.”

I have absolutely nothing against such external aids and those of you who use them for support in your life. I realize my selfishness, but my mind is fighting the ongoing reality. My body, unfortunately, just can’t adapt internally as I once did.

It’s truly a mind game for me, and possibly as you effectively work through your own life challenges. One thing I have learned – and I hope you apply with your unique challenges – change is totally inevitable whether at work or in life.

It’s not that my effectiveness at work will change or many of my personal “likes” will need to adapted much. I will just be someone – like many others in this great world – who adapts to use of a cane for a bit of additional support.

For those who have gone through such a transition, I’d love for you to provide comment and counsel.

As you think through your challenges, please remember that change is a process. Significant decisions should not always be made in an instant. I know this is a society of the moment, but some decisions are more tricky like mine. They may take an evolutionary process of sometimes months or years. I would not agree to getting a cane at 45 or even 49, but now is the right time for me, my family and my life. happiness.

What resilient challenges or changes do you need to think through more thoughtfully?

I appreciate the opportunity to talk with you as always. Please send me comments about my recommendations for your ongoing life and career resilience!

Does Your Life/Career Feel Like You Are On A “Yo-Yo” These Uncertain Days?”

April 11, 2010

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

Sometimes when you are trying to find your next great work adventure or establishing a new worldwide speaking business like me, your life seems like a “yo-yo.” One day it is running like a Ferrari and heading up. The next week it seems like you are descending in a dilapidated Model T.

Not that you are doing anything wrong or giving it any less effort.

It might just be that you feel less confident about the actions in your control. Whether it may be: You had your fifth interview for a particular job and the company is not getting back to you in a timely manner as promised. The vast amount of networking among colleagues seems to be yielding less than you expected. Or, a personal relationship is not going quite right.

More than ever, this is when all of us need to manage our expectations better. We need to realize that there are always going to be those days where you miss seeing opportunities, or you’d like to crawl back into bed and shut out the world for awhile.

No matter how successful we become in life, all of us must deal with life and career challenges – great and small – whether momentary or not. Other examples might include losing a loved one, or being shut down by your boss after presenting “the next greatest idea” at work.

We cannot get around it: Sooner or later all of us will face an opportunity to test our personal and professional resiliency. To successfully adapt to such moments, I have learned we must show some patience and understanding – in ourselves.

From personal experience of losing my dream job because of the country’s economic mess, I just wanted to get back “in the game” without worrying about my emotions. I forgot to deal with the emotional loss in a much more thoughtful way.

I felt so much personal pain thinking that if only I would have… Or, why didn’t I do this or that… Instead, I needed to rationally look at what I needed to do next. After I realized this, and thought through the grief stages below, I saw how successful I am and will stay in the future.

I have very humbly been very successful at retooling my career, and I am talking with great folks like you worldwide through speeches/conversations and writing about resiliency.

This has allowed me to continue my award-nominated http://resiliency first.com web site – which has now surpassed 1.5 million hits in a year. It has given me the opportunity to share my resiliency successes, and offer you a chance to tap into yours.

But there are days when even my life resiliency fails me. Whether it is because of a business issue or my lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) is particularly acting up, I’ve learned to not get outrageously high or sinking down to low.

While emotions cannot always be seen, they can be felt by those of us who have experienced pain or uncertainty. If you seem like you are going up and down too much because of a loss, I wanted again highlight Dr. Kubler-Ross’ five stages of grief that has helped me feel less like a “yo-yo” being flung around.

These stages led me to recover from the job loss last year, and gave me the confidence to start my successful speaking and consulting business.

The stages are:

  • Denial (this isn’t happening to me!)
  • Anger (why is this happening to me?)
  • Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)
  • Depression (I don’t care anymore)
  • Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)

Life is definitely full of ups and downs. How we react and manage these challenges will determine the scope – and for how long – it will take us to recover our stride.

Now it is your turn. Don’t get caught up in the “yo-yo” syndrome of any particular day. Be ready for whatever comes and manage your expectations. This will help all of us ride the “yo-yo” moments a bit better.

Until next time my friends…thanks for reading my blog!

Fighting Your Own Psyche Can Challenge Your Consistent Daily Resilience

April 5, 2010

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

There are many days when nearly everything goes wonderfully for me. I am acting on the opportunities that come up in my career and life resiliency speaking/writing business. When I just had a terrific day with my wife and daughter. Or, I just feel good about the resilient direction I am taking in life. I’m sure you’ve had great days like this, too, in your life.

Then, of course, there are those few moments where I don’t always see the fabulous opportunities before me. I doubt my natural skills that have made me very humble success in life and career. Or, I am just having a bad hair day. We’ve all bee there…

That’s why – to stay resiliently healthy – I think all of us need to remember to not get too high when things are going our way. But also not go down the “black hole” when events or circumstances don’t quite go our way.

The resilient takeaway: Too often many of us unfairly judge ourselves on the life actions that don’t goes so well. And forget to savor the moment when you are in the zone. For me, I think that is the reason, I have to be careful on how I react to challenging situations. As you may have experienced these challenging times can consume you and not let you stay on an even keel – even when your life is going just as you’ve hoped.

In the last year or so, I’ve been laid off from a dream job, my body is becoming creakier because of age and the effects of a physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), I’ve started a great and successful worldwide resiliency speaking/writing business, and I am enjoying my family more than ever.

But sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking about the first two challenges rather than what truly is making me happy. So I don’t fall into too many of these life traps, I make a simple pledge each morning: No matter how the day goes, I like myself for who I am and the good person I try to be.

Sounds corny I know, but this helps keep me on a level playing field – not with others but myself. If I think too much about some circumstances out of my control, I will fall into the trap that many of you are also trying to avoid in your life.

That is why I believe:

All of Us Embrace the Resiliency Journey

Every one of us has issues we deal with every day – great and small. No one is immune from life. The key is developing successful strategies to adapt and make changes to circumstances you might be dealing with today – and truly knowing yourself.

I don’t pretend to have answers to your particular issues or circumstances, except to say without finding ways to turn the page and determine your unique and resilient ways to adapt, it may take you much longer to succeed and feel good about yourself – again.

Whether it is at work or your personal activities, please think for a moment about one area of your life you’d like to improve over the next six months. I know it may be hard to pin down just one. Wow! For me, I have six or seven things I can’t wait for months to change.

But this will keep you on an even playing field and not be overwhelmed with those “moments” that come up good or not.

What I found through sometimes-painful experiences, is that taking on too much at once can mean setbacks in all areas. I have to set realistic expectations for myself. My physical disability, for example, makes me walk slower and be more careful – especially now that I am 50 going on 80 sometimes. Because of my challenging walking sometimes, I periodically go splat on a sidewalk because I’ve accidentally tripped.

After many  falls in the last couple years, I eventually determined the one thing I needed was for doctors to pinpoint why I was falling more – medically speaking. Then, I needed to develop one plan of action that involved my “team” of loved ones, friends and colleagues. The solution eventually determined was injecting cortisone near my spine to reduce disk swelling affecting a nerve controlling my legs. Since then, I have felt about 30ish again (or roughly – smile) and many parts of my life are within my control again.

I could have dwelled on this and just shrank away and lose my perceived independence of walking without an aid. I knew what I had to do, and I was not going to let life overwhelm me.

A Few Life Questions to Think Through

Change is definitely inevitable in your life and career. When I was 30, I did not have to think so much about falling and my disability.

I invite you to think about one area you want to improve over the next six months or so. By having doctors pinpoint burgeoning arthritis issue in my back, I would not be walking alone today.

The following life questions may help identify the one most important factor in your life right now.

- What are my special talents you feel most proud of?

- How could you demonstrate better teamwork and compassion at work and home?

- What makes you the happiest in your personal life and work life?

- Where do you believe your personal strengths come from?

- What are you doing with your natural talents and abilities?

- What are “out-of-the-box” life actions you have not pursued yet?

- What are some things you like to do but have never tried?

- How does your passion and life’s work here at the association fit in with what you want to do for the rest of your career?

- What are the qualities you like most and least about yourself?

- How have you dealt with a life tragedy (e.g. job loss or a loved one’s death)?

- How has this tragedy affected your life’s outlook?

(Personal example from me)

Because you see, life is all about adapting and embracing change. Truly thinking about such life questions will help you stay resilient and realistic no matter what types of personal and professional life challenges come your way.

It also will help you know yourself better and be fulfilled at work and in life – without falling into too many of the traps I mentioned earlier. Being resilient has helped continue my life’s dreams and stay realistic. Resiliency will help you understand yourself better, increase the effectiveness of handling changes in your life, and be increasingly fulfilled at work and in life.

All of Us Can Achieve…

After six months, I suggest you think through your chosen improvement area again. How are you doing? How is your life better in that specific aspect of your life? As you thoroughly act on your one situation, I know you’ll be better satisfied with your life and have the added resiliency to bounce back and embrace changes.

Answering the questions I posed earlier has helped me maintain my confidence levels, enabled me to see my personal vision to succeed, helped me create a successful plan for the future with actions that make a difference and truly have peace with myself. Most importantly, it has help me stay not too high and not too low.

Because remember: We all have resiliency issues and challenges in life – great and small. It is how we bounce back from these situations that help us have the inner and outwardly richness all of us so truly deserve.

It is such a pleasure talking with you each week. As so many folks have worldwide, please let me know what types of resiliency topics you’d like me to discuss in the future. Until next week, please take care and confident about who you are.