By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net
There are many days when nearly everything goes wonderfully for me. I am acting on the opportunities that come up in my career and life resiliency speaking/writing business. When I just had a terrific day with my wife and daughter. Or, I just feel good about the resilient direction I am taking in life. I’m sure you’ve had great days like this, too, in your life.
Then, of course, there are those few moments where I don’t always see the fabulous opportunities before me. I doubt my natural skills that have made me very humble success in life and career. Or, I am just having a bad hair day. We’ve all bee there…
That’s why – to stay resiliently healthy – I think all of us need to remember to not get too high when things are going our way. But also not go down the “black hole” when events or circumstances don’t quite go our way.
The resilient takeaway: Too often many of us unfairly judge ourselves on the life actions that don’t goes so well. And forget to savor the moment when you are in the zone. For me, I think that is the reason, I have to be careful on how I react to challenging situations. As you may have experienced these challenging times can consume you and not let you stay on an even keel – even when your life is going just as you’ve hoped.
In the last year or so, I’ve been laid off from a dream job, my body is becoming creakier because of age and the effects of a physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), I’ve started a great and successful worldwide resiliency speaking/writing business, and I am enjoying my family more than ever.
But sometimes I fall into the trap of thinking about the first two challenges rather than what truly is making me happy. So I don’t fall into too many of these life traps, I make a simple pledge each morning: No matter how the day goes, I like myself for who I am and the good person I try to be.
Sounds corny I know, but this helps keep me on a level playing field – not with others but myself. If I think too much about some circumstances out of my control, I will fall into the trap that many of you are also trying to avoid in your life.
That is why I believe:
All of Us Embrace the Resiliency Journey
Every one of us has issues we deal with every day – great and small. No one is immune from life. The key is developing successful strategies to adapt and make changes to circumstances you might be dealing with today – and truly knowing yourself.
I don’t pretend to have answers to your particular issues or circumstances, except to say without finding ways to turn the page and determine your unique and resilient ways to adapt, it may take you much longer to succeed and feel good about yourself – again.
Whether it is at work or your personal activities, please think for a moment about one area of your life you’d like to improve over the next six months. I know it may be hard to pin down just one. Wow! For me, I have six or seven things I can’t wait for months to change.
But this will keep you on an even playing field and not be overwhelmed with those “moments” that come up good or not.
What I found through sometimes-painful experiences, is that taking on too much at once can mean setbacks in all areas. I have to set realistic expectations for myself. My physical disability, for example, makes me walk slower and be more careful – especially now that I am 50 going on 80 sometimes. Because of my challenging walking sometimes, I periodically go splat on a sidewalk because I’ve accidentally tripped.
After many falls in the last couple years, I eventually determined the one thing I needed was for doctors to pinpoint why I was falling more – medically speaking. Then, I needed to develop one plan of action that involved my “team” of loved ones, friends and colleagues. The solution eventually determined was injecting cortisone near my spine to reduce disk swelling affecting a nerve controlling my legs. Since then, I have felt about 30ish again (or roughly – smile) and many parts of my life are within my control again.
I could have dwelled on this and just shrank away and lose my perceived independence of walking without an aid. I knew what I had to do, and I was not going to let life overwhelm me.
A Few Life Questions to Think Through
Change is definitely inevitable in your life and career. When I was 30, I did not have to think so much about falling and my disability.
I invite you to think about one area you want to improve over the next six months or so. By having doctors pinpoint burgeoning arthritis issue in my back, I would not be walking alone today.
The following life questions may help identify the one most important factor in your life right now.
- What are my special talents you feel most proud of?
- How could you demonstrate better teamwork and compassion at work and home?
- What makes you the happiest in your personal life and work life?
- Where do you believe your personal strengths come from?
- What are you doing with your natural talents and abilities?
- What are “out-of-the-box” life actions you have not pursued yet?
- What are some things you like to do but have never tried?
- How does your passion and life’s work here at the association fit in with what you want to do for the rest of your career?
- What are the qualities you like most and least about yourself?
- How have you dealt with a life tragedy (e.g. job loss or a loved one’s death)?
- How has this tragedy affected your life’s outlook?
(Personal example from me)
Because you see, life is all about adapting and embracing change. Truly thinking about such life questions will help you stay resilient and realistic no matter what types of personal and professional life challenges come your way.
It also will help you know yourself better and be fulfilled at work and in life – without falling into too many of the traps I mentioned earlier. Being resilient has helped continue my life’s dreams and stay realistic. Resiliency will help you understand yourself better, increase the effectiveness of handling changes in your life, and be increasingly fulfilled at work and in life.
All of Us Can Achieve…
After six months, I suggest you think through your chosen improvement area again. How are you doing? How is your life better in that specific aspect of your life? As you thoroughly act on your one situation, I know you’ll be better satisfied with your life and have the added resiliency to bounce back and embrace changes.
Answering the questions I posed earlier has helped me maintain my confidence levels, enabled me to see my personal vision to succeed, helped me create a successful plan for the future with actions that make a difference and truly have peace with myself. Most importantly, it has help me stay not too high and not too low.
Because remember: We all have resiliency issues and challenges in life – great and small. It is how we bounce back from these situations that help us have the inner and outwardly richness all of us so truly deserve.
It is such a pleasure talking with you each week. As so many folks have worldwide, please let me know what types of resiliency topics you’d like me to discuss in the future. Until next week, please take care and confident about who you are.