By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net
Understanding the importance of dealing effectively with the diversity and differences of people can get lost as many of us try to reinvent ourselves in these new economic days.
This is when, though, we need to understand certain life connections to be successful. Finding that healthy balance between our own self-interest and the way we compassionately treat others will determine our long-term resiliency in our lives/careers.
Diversity means many things to all of us. Some of us see it as the millions of types of plants in this world. Others may think of the thousands of types of birds on our planet. While additional folks simply think of the diversity of life and how we relate and treat others fairly.
To me, diversity begins with how I have successfully overcome a lifelong physical disability known as Cerebral Palsy…and how people react to me because of it. CP is a birth defect that affects my entire right side of my body causing my hand to be limp, making me walk funny and fall more than I want.
No matter how you define it, I think it is important that all of us react with empathy for those who may be a bit different from us. Even as we navigate through the challenging economic currents of life today, I encourage you to remember how lucky most of us are in this world.
I was watching a news program awhile back about people in a certain part of the world living on and eating from garbage dumps. I first pitied and felt sorry for them.
But, whether it is age, race, gender, a place where a person lives or someone like me with a disability… A difference should not always mean you should treat anyone less than how you’d like to be treated. As far as those living on landfills, I decided to give some money to organizations helping provide safe housing for them.
Learning Through Actions of Others
Because I was born in the 1950s, the way folks dealt with differences were less enlightened and tolerant than they are today.
My parents had to fight for my individual, basic rights when I was growing up in the 1960s. Back then, people still were able to institutionalize folks like me or put them in a back room of a house with the shutters closed. Society was not always ready to see anything that was not considered “normal.”
Through 2nd grade, I was in – what they called back then – a crippled school for children. The school was a very nice place, but it softened every blow or mistake students like me made. Like your parents, my mother and dad wanted me to achieve my potential – whatever that potential was going to be. I could have stayed in this school but was mainstreamed into a “normal” school in St. Louis Park in the third grade. This began my journey of truly growing up and seeing how kids reacted to my differences.
It was not always a pretty sight and I still have a few emotional scars today.
I’m not going to tell you examples of my life to gain your empathy. I hope my stories help you think just a bit about the way you react to situations different than what you think, or people different than what you are used to. This will help you become more successful in your career…and especially life.
Whether it is someone with a disability like me, a co-worker that is challenging to get along with, or someone who just does not fit in with your types of friends, your future achievements depend on how you react in a resilient, tolerant way.
A story of a great athlete in the Twin Cities is an enlightening diversity and differences example. I heard that Joe Maurer, a famous Minnesota Twins’ baseball star, use to do something rather cool in high school. Instead of always sitting with his circle of close friends at lunch, he would, gosh forbid, sit at tables with others he did not know. Whether they were geeks or those considered on the high school fringes, he wanted to get to know them…instead of only relying on what other people’s perceptions.
This was no mere gesture by Joe but a way he could find a more open path to effectively dealing with people who may be a bit different from him. I truly applaud his attitude.
Differences That Could Be Seen
Very humbly, I’ve been very successful in relating and treating others in my career/life because of the many life hurdles I have overcome. How have your life hurdles shaped the way you resiliently treat people everyday?
Life is truly special for me. Really, I should be dead. I was born in the late 1950s two months early and less than four pounds. This was very serious back then, and I was in an incubator for quite a long time clinging to life. Then, doctors found that I had Cerebral Palsy caused by a birth trauma. They told my parents I would have little use of my right hand, not walk normally and have many other problems.
They did not give up on me, and I have been blessed with a great life because of them.
The road after that was not easy, scripted or always fun – especially in elementary school. My resilience was born the first day of third grade…I only wish I had a person like Joe Maurer sitting with me at lunch those days.
I was 10 years old in 1969 and was escorted to my “normal” classroom on the first day of third grade. All the other kids were in the gym listening to the Principal welcoming them to the new school year.
The kids finally came to the classroom and the first one said after seeing me seated at my desk: “Why are you here…are you some sissy who can’t get to the gym?” Well, after a few minutes, the teacher asked me to walk up to the front of the room to introduce myself. Everyone laughed and said, ”Why do you walk so funny?”
Now, many of you may have much more challenging life issues than mine, that night was the first of many that I cried myself to sleep because I did not understand what was wrong with me and why the kids were being so mean. While my parents were extremely loving and supportive, this brought me to the “Naked Truth.” A reality – a signature moment – that would have a profound affect on my entire life.
Even though I was 10 at the time, I remember thinking that I was not going to let the constant teasing ruin my life.
More Lessons Learned
As any teen, my hormones were raging when I was 16. I liked a lot of girls, and a few actually liked me. I went out with this particularly pretty girl to a movie that I don’t remember – my whole focus was nowhere close to the movie screen.
Everything was going great until an older boy came up to me in the bathroom afterwards and said: ”You have no right to be out with this girl, you should only stick with your crippled friends.” She just feels sorry for you…you’ll never have a real girlfriend.”
I also was told by another student: “I would never date and marry except ‘with my own kind.’”
Talk about devastating. I didn’t date another girl for a long time until I got past the hurt and remembered: “Yes, you have a difference but there are many wonderful girls that see more than just your challenges.”
I now have been married more than 25 years to a beautiful able-bodied woman, and we have a cool 15-year-old drama queen-type daughter, two dachshund dogs and a guinea pig. A terrific life…
This from a guy who was close to not making it out of the incubator because of a series of complications after being born. Resilience is a blessing!
Not many in school also thought I could do anything normal like sports-related activities. They laughed again when I said I played golf and tennis. They did not laugh after I lettered in high school tennis and golf – and became a, very humbly, a terrific golfer when I was a little older.
Additionally, another high-schooler told me I should not take any advanced classes because “my kind” only works at menial jobs suited for them. Well, I achieved nearly straight “As” in high school, and had a blast and studied hard in college. As I have moved on in my career as a corporate communications executive and resiliency speaker/writer, I have gratefully been financially successful.
The point in these stories is that you should never try to unfairly judge someone because they may not necessarily be like you at work or in life. It’s not fair to the person but also will not help you in life or the working world where everyone has some type of difference or diversity you may not be familiar with…
A Creaky Realization
Now that I am older – I just reached 50 in December – I have to think harder about those with differences from me. I am extremely independent and have never required walking aids such as a cane or scooter to get me around. While CP is a birth defect and does not get worse as you age, your body starts to wear out – back, joints, etc. I’m at the point where I may need a cane to walk a longer distance.
I’ve always felt more normal because I did not need such aids. I now need to change my diversity definition and not think I’ll be less of a person because I can’t walk as independently as I once did.
So, I understand how it can be hard for many of you able-bodied individuals to compassionately and effectively deal with those different from you – especially at work. I thought I’d never be like those individuals who need aids. In a sense, I felt more independent and not needing to rely on others. Now, I need to adapt my perspective a bit.
As you look at possibly retooling parts of your life and work career, I’d suggest thinking first about how you currently treat others. If you are empathetic and compassionate, please commend yourself. If you want to retool a bit in this area, you will find greater satisfaction to continue your resilient success.
You’ll definitely be happier and gain a healthier, more tolerant perspective as you move forward. It’s definitely up to you!
Thanks, again, and look forward to talking with you next week. Stay resilient – and tolerant – my friends…