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Gulf Oil Crisis Shows A Testament of Resilience for Humans And Others

June 28, 2010

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

Most of us have had our share of challenges over the last 18 months or so with the tragic economy, layoffs and personal pain. Personally, I’ve had to reinvent and retool myself because of a layoff, and humbly serve as a bit of an inspiration for many of you around the world.

The humble success of my resiliency blog and speeches/conversations worldwide have been absolutely gratifying.

But my small piece of the world pales in comparison to our friends (humans and others in Nature) who have had to endure the terrible Gulf oil crisis that seems to go on and on. Talk about a testament to resilience. I can only imagine what they are going through each minute of the (seemingly) never-ending mess.

Folks losing their livelihoods, birds and fish dying, no one having the answers yet to solve the immense crisis. When such devastation happens, how do all of us understand and navigate “what’s next” in our lives – in the world’s life? Humans can do so much good in the world and, yet, they can be so unnecessarily destructive.

As all of us think through this, it reminds me how I’ve seized the day in my life and looked “out of the box” for answers.

The Gulf crisis is totally beyond most of our control, but our everyday work and personal crises may not be if only we find ways to seize the day -with our families, friends, co-workers and especially ourselves.

Please think through how you can seize positively through your day. Here is an example how I have successfully traversed though challenges. Such examples all of us share, and we can learn from each other. (Hopefully, our government and business leaders will find a way to make things right and learn from each other in the Gulf.)

When I was younger, I wanted to be in control of everything in my life and seize every moment of the day. This sounds great, doesn’t it? It is only natural we want to be in control of all aspects of our lives. I am sure BP thought it was in total control of its oil platform and safety mechanisms associated with the drilling…Not!

Personally, I was expending so much energy trying to be in total control that I was losing my resilience edge.

There were just some things I could not control totally at work, home and life in general that were reducing my resilience on things I could ultimately control.

I thought, for example, I was in control of my work life. I was doing great, with fantastic reviews, an “essential” tag placed on me, terrific compensation and much admiration of my peers throughout the company. There, of course, was the awful recent downturn in the economy, but I thought my exemplary performance would keep me in control of my fate. Man, did I have a lot to learn…

Within a matter of a few months of being “essential,” I became expendable no matter how much effort expended and control I thought I had. With no fault of the company, it had to cut to the bone including me. The lesson for me was there are some things – great and small – out of a person’s total control.

I am sure BP is learning this painful lesson…

I hoped this would be my last company I would ever work for. I found you can never feel totally secure even with an A+ work performance record.

I have moved on to have success in many other areas, including resiliency training. I have adapted my control definition, and stayed in personal control of being strong, nimble and resilient. That is, continuing to seize every moment of the day in a slightly more realistic way.

Being nimble, adaptable – and more realistic - in all circumstances will allow you to stay resilient, in control and seize your day. The lesson BP and our nation has learned is similar. Never take anything for granted and never assume a mechanism or strategy will always work. Because, like most things, ultimate control is not always the case.

On a personal level, please think of one aspect of your life you feel vulnerable. Then, ponder how you would adapt and seize the day if an unexpected challenge happened to you. This will help you stay on top of being career and life resilient.

I only wish big oil and other industries were as adaptive, persistent and realistic as most of us are. Future world crises may be avoided and all of us can seize our day. This would not just be for personal or economic benefits of our nation, but the on-going stewardship of our wonderful, yet fragile world.

I look forward to talking with you next week when, hopefully, we will have positive news about the Gulf’s environmental disaster!

Death Shows Us A Wonderful, Resilient Side of Our Lives And Careers

June 21, 2010

Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

All of us have experienced death in some form in our lives. Whether it is a wonderful father, terrific grandparents, cherished friends or (like our family today) a death of a beloved pet – a fantastic guinea pig named Freddie. It is such a sad day, but this heartbreaking moment teaches me –and ultimately us – about successfully managing our lives and even our careers even during very challenging times.

Freddie was such a wonderful little pet for six years with a sweet personality. He brought us such happiness, and we offered him a safe, healthy and very loving environment. When we adopted him, it was a match made in heaven for us. He is now eating and being a bit sassy on Rainbow Bridge in the real heaven with our two departed cutie mini-dachshunds named Koko (age 12) and Trudy (age 16). They died several years ago.

This dark time for me emphasizes we are not in total control of most of our lives – from our jobs, our relationships, our family and (yes) to our darling pets. We took fantastic care of Freddie, but unfortunately there is a life span for everything.

That does not mean we should throw up our hands…even though today I feel a bit that way.

Many of us have taken hits in our county’s current economic morass. The lifespan of this economic perfect storm is something we cannot fully control. Instead of feeling out of control like I momentarily do today, I’ve used five ways to overcome the challenges of life. I thought these resiliency techniques might be useful in managing your personal and professional world the next time a crisis or tremendous hurt comes your way.

They are:

- Being Positive - See life as challenging, dynamic, and filled with opportunities. Of, course, this sounds like an infomercial. But, no matter how my day is going, I try to think of one resilient positive I can rely on to bring a smile to my face.

As I mentioned in a previous post, this may be remembering a meaningful conversation that resonated with your teenager daughter, how beautiful my spouse looked before work this morning, or receiving an unexpected “thank you” from a co-worker you helped.

For me at work today, I will be going through the normal stages of grief all of us experience. But I’ll try to sprinkle it with some memorable Freddie moments. I’ll also think of my humble career success as a motivational resiliency speaker worldwide after another tremendous hurt more than a year ago. That is, losing my dream job directing corporate communications because of this tragic economy.

- Being Focused – Determine where you are headed and stick to that goal so barriers do not block your way. I am a person who wants to do 12 tasks at once, which can be very tiring and ultimately unsuccessful. Whether at work or home, I now try to limit myself to juggling no more than three tasks at a time.

I have found that adding any more to-dos will not allow me to be as effective even with the simplest of tasks. An example is when I am stuck in rush hour traffic. In the past, I’ve let my mind wander to four or five other things as I am inching along. Sometimes I’ve missed a turn off and probably not been the safest driver because of excessive “multi-tasking.”

Today, for example, I’ll cut back on my normal work routine a bit while my wife, daughter and I bury our sweet Freddie in our garden.

- Being Flexible - Open yourself to different possibilities when faced with uncertainty. I know friends who have the exact same routine everyday and then get upset when a co-worker or family member forces them out of their comfort zone. I am an introvert and a person with a disability, but I try to get out of my comfort zone to see what is “outside the box.”

Even when my Cerebral Palsy disability has now forced me to use a cane at age 50, I try to take the stairs instead of always using the elevator. This action benefits my health tremendously and also shows folks I am not restricted to one way of approaching life.

I think I especially need to take the stairs today. Freddie would have liked that…

- Being Organized – Develop structured approaches to be able to manage the unknown. This has been the most challenging for me – especially dealing with paperwork at the office. In the past, I used the “pile approach” and was terrific at stacking things. So much so that the piles use to grow and imitate Humpty-Dumpty.

Well, my office today looks immaculate with hardly a paper in sight. My secret: Recycle stuff when not needed and get an electronic copy where I can file it easily on my computer. A computer geek I am not, but it has sure saved me a lot disorganized moments in front of my boss.

And, as you might imagine, I feel a bit disorganized today at least emotionally with my personal loss. I think I can probably allow a couple extra papers on the desk today.

Being Proactive – Look ahead, actively engage change, and work at staying ahead of what’s expected. Easier said than done, of course. I have always tried to stay on top of things whether at home or the office. It has always been one of my strengths.

The reason for my success is I try never to rely on the status quo. I have had a very happy 25+-year marriage because I never fall back on past happiness. I am very proactive and think about what will make us happy in the future. Whether that is being active in a few of my wife’s interests or proactively listening to the needs on her plate.

Today, it’s a matter of comforting each other and thinking of the great times we had with our darling Freddie. And also loving our 11 and nine-year-old dachshunds named Cinnamon and Pebbles.

No one can change overnight personally or professionally. I am sure you are good or better than me on many of these five techniques. But, if not, try to change one over a month’s time. Then, use the same approach for the other techniques in the future. I know you will feel satisfied and gratified with the resilient results in your world.

While many tears have been shed already, I will use these particular strategies as I deal with my personal grief about our lovely Freddie. I hope you find these helpful in your world.

Until next time…thanks for all your support!

The Three Ps of Resiliency Are Keys To Personal and Career Happiness

June 13, 2010

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

Perseverance, persistence and patience. Wow! They can make the difference between personal and career happiness or times filled with struggles, high drama and a sense of hopelessness in an economy of uncertainty.

I still believe that personal happiness is still greater than any career. Most of us, unfortunately, have been devastatingly affected by this very challenging economy with lay offs, loss of confidence an uneasy sense of “what’s next.” This is where the three Ps can make such a crucial difference for all of us whether we are being hit hard or successfully absorbing the challenges of life.

Specifically, being knocked down in our personal or professional lives has been apart of many of our lives. More of my good friends were just laid off from companies that had never laid off anyone in their history. Naturally, many are very down…not knowing where to turn next to continue with their lives. It’s a deeply saddening time in our nation’s history when companies are forced to cut to the bone because the economy is very slow in turning around.

No matter what political affiliations you have, I’m sure you or someone you know has been affected by these tragic times. Is it time to blame George Bush, Barack Obama or the Congress for our significant challenges? I contend “no” – we need to come together as America has always done to keep us on the right track. Our country and the good folks of it have been knocked down before but we have never stayed down. Look at the Great Depression, Pearl Harbor or even the Civil War.

It’s truly a jip that most of our current knockdowns – being laid off, foreclosure on a house and getting behind on every other bills – are not always within our control. I, in fact, was laid off from my dream job – not because of my stellar performance – but that the credit market dried up and the great company I worked for could not find the money to keep itself afloat.

My friends and I are not alone, and I am sure you have had to deal with a myriad of unexpected issues now whether you are employed or not. The current economic crisis has hurt our life resiliency in so many different ways. Some who have lost their job also are finding personal relationships – even long-term ones – very difficult.

I wish I had the answers to our country’s challenges. I know this: We cannot let the current economic woes knock us out for the 10-count. Besides starting my own communications and resiliency business, I have used the three Ps of life – perseverance, persistence and patience – to get back up and be successful.

Being Knocked Down


I have fallen or “been knocked down” before and have always gotten right back up. I am sure you have had your life moments where you’ve fallen and have gotten back up – and are better for it in the long run. In my previous articles, I mentioned that I have a lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), which affects my walking, my balance and sometime my ability to stop from literally falling on the ground. Nothing can hurt or be more sobering than falling and not always being in control of situations.

Should I just lie there and pity myself. No, I need to get up, dust myself off and try to stay as independent as all of us want to be. Once I had to go to the emergency room because I smacked my head on a marble floor. I could have given up but I did not.

My career is no different. I was laid off from a dream job last year and have had to retool my brand to keep myself moving forward. Developing a successful international speaking and writing business on resiliency has been a by-product of assessing my skills and using them differently to still succeed.

While I don’t hold myself up as an example, you can also work through your life “knock downs” – great and small – if you remember those three Ps of life – perseverance, persistence and patience. These three words have helped me through all life and career challenges that have come up.

Perseverance

What can any of us do if we are laid off? In these times, it is usually not because of your performance. The company needs to stay afloat and its labor costs are the single highest money outflow that they can control. So, they lay of good folks like us.

After I went through my laid-off grief stages I mentioned in a previous article, I looked at what was in my control and how I could persevere during these rough times. I knew I had three things I could control – my attitude, my values and the way I relate to people. While searching for a full-time gig, I also developed a personal business plan, looked hard at my personal brand and truly had a heart-to-heart with myself about what I wanted to do for the rest of my career.

Well, this perseverance led me to resiliency, creating an award-nominated blog and establishing a business where I could speak at organizations, develop resiliency materials for those in need and stay healthy in my day-to-day activities. It’s been a true blessing…

The lesson I learned – and one you should think about – is don’t pity yourself because you have had a personal and professional loss. Look at yourself hard and decide what you want to do in life. Don’t just settle because then you may be going through the same challenges in future time. Persevere and understand the fantastic skills and qualities you offer everyday!

Persistence

I hope this does not happen to you:  After the 30th rejection letter, or having a company choose someone else after seven separate interviews from the CEO to the janitor on duty, I’ve had friends and colleagues say, “I am just going to give up.” This is when you must persist and learn how to promote yourself in an even better way.

I hate to promote myself. My dad was a car dealer, and I wish I had his out-going personality and ability to convince folks to close the deal. I’ve always struggled with this, and have tried to let my work do the talking for me. Unfortunately, in these times, you need to show folks why there can’t be a better candidate than you.

That’s why I think understanding and believing in your personal brand is absolutely a key to your future success. When I first re-crafted my “brand,” I thought I’d never come up with something that was truly me. But I persisted and gave myself enough time where I did not feel pressured to write something in five minutes. I persisted and diligently wrote down all my strengths and the types of work I like to do. I also did the same with my weaknesses and the activities I don’t like to do.

This gave my a framework where I was able to write down “my future.” It was not easy and it took significant time but I got it done and now I understand what I want to do for the last 15 years of my career. My persistence led to talking about resiliency and opening up about my disability experiences. Most of all, it gave me the inner confidence to offer my common-sense messages to assist you and other great folks worldwide. Being persistent can be magical…

Patience

You’ve just been laid off and wonder where the money will come from to pay the bills, keep your house and pay for your son’s birthday party coming up soon. In these circumstances, being patient to find your next great job is very hard. I’ve been there and my friends have been there. There’s nothing fun about it and you just want to hurry to find a job that pays for life.

For me, I found that I needed to step back for a moment and don’t hurry into something that I may regret. At least for the short term, I stayed patient and tried to understand what my next step should be. If you have access to unemployment insurance, you nest egg or money in your overall family, that’s great. If you don’t, you may want to consider consulting or some other type of part-time role to get you by for at least little while. This type of patience helped me as I found what I wanted to do – and the next great job in my life.

All of us can react wonderfully to favorable times in our lives. Our true grit is shown in how we deal with the professional and personal challenges all of us sometimes face. I suggest you think of the three Ps the next time you face one of those possible life-changing events in your life. Please don’t stay knocked down for long…see your true and fabulous potential.

Thanks for all of your great comments about my writing and speaking. I am using my three Ps to continue navigating the current we are all swimming through these days.

Finding What You Can Control Is Truly Important In Your Life And Career

June 7, 2010

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

What can you ultimately control in your life and career?

As I reflected on this question, I thought back to my early childhood. In the 1960s, I was a student at a very nice crippled school for children in Minneapolis – that’s what society called such schools back then.

I, of course, never worried about my resilience and how my life or career would blossom. I just wanted to be the first one on the playground after lunch. Michael Dowling School was one of the most progressive of the era – and today – and I could have stayed there throughout my early school years.

But my parents wanted me to reach my ultimate potential without having all the bumps in life softened. That’s why they transferred me into a normal school in the third grade. Although I have a lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), they did not want me to overly dwell on its significance. While you may not have a disability, I’m sure your parents also wanted you to reach the heights of your talents just the same and be resilient in life.

As all of us reflect on the sometimes hairpin turns of our lives and careers, I have found there are only three things you can totally control in your life.

You may think at least one is your job. You are getting great performance reviews and have survived the seven rounds of layoff cycles at your company. It’s not. Or, it may be your overall career and work path in the next one, five, or 10 years. It’s not. Or, for sure, it has to be your family. You have a very successful marriage and 2.3 children who are not driving you too insane. It’s not.

As I was mainstreamed into a normal elementary school at age 10, there were only three things I could truly control – my attitude, my values and how I related to people. Of course, at the time, I was too young to understand these phrases. I did realize – as all of us should in our daily and work lives today – that I had to adapt to sometimes unforeseen circumstances I could not always fully control.

Look at yourself today: Can you ultimately control how your boss reacts to an assignment you just completed? Do you have total control of how your work reports spend their time? Can you have a meaningful conversation with your 16-year-old drama queen or king teenager? The first two questions are most likely “no’s”. The third question – I have found through experience with my very nice, yet drama-prone 15-year-old daughter – the third question is a definite maybe…

I began to learn the resilient strategies of adaptability, staying in control, perseverance, persistence and patience (to name a few) when I was mainstreamed. While not knowing it at the time, these strategies helped me survive through occasionally painful instances in school and signature times in my work career.

All of us have examples of challenging moments in our lives and careers. Ones we’d like to forget, but those that force us to use our resilient strategies to make it through layoffs, a relationship ending or that momentous conversation with your drama queen teenager.

How can you learn from your past experiences to enhance your resilience today, and navigate through the currents of life and career?

While many of you may have more challenging life examples than mine, being moved into a normal school at an early age ultimately helped me with my life and career resilience today. (I have now overcome a layoff and have very humbly become successful and own resiliency speaking business.

My early life taught me key lessons. I was 10 years old in 1969 and was escorted to my classroom on the first day of third grade. All the other kids were in the gym listening to the Principal welcoming them to the new school year.

The kids finally came to the classroom and the first one said after seeing me seated at my desk: “Why are you here…are you some sissy who can’t get to the gym?” Well, after a few minutes, the teacher asked me to walk up to the front of the room to introduce myself. Everyone laughed and said, ”Why do you walk so funny?”

That night was the first of many that I cried myself to sleep because I did not understand what was wrong with me and why the kids were being so mean. While my parents were extremely loving and supportive, this brought me to the “Naked Truth.” A reality – a signature moment – that would have a profound affect on my entire life.

Even though I was so young, I remember thinking that I was not going to let the constant teasing ruin my life.

Fast-forward a few years: As any teen, my hormones were raging when I was 15. I liked a lot of girls, and a few actually liked me. I went out with this particularly pretty girl to a movie that I don’t remember – my whole focus was nowhere close to the movie screen…

Everything was going great until an older boy came up to me in the bathroom after the movie and said: ”You have no right to be out with this girl, you should only stick with your crippled friends.” She just feels sorry for you…you’ll never have a real girlfriend.”

Another student also told me that I would never date and marry except “with my own kind.”

Talk about devastating. I didn’t date another girl for more than a year until I got past the hurt: Yes, you have a difference but there are many wonderful girls that see more than just your challenges.

I now have been married more than 25 years to a beautiful able-bodied woman, and we have that terrific 15-year-old drama queen daughter I have talked about, two dachshund dogs and a guinea pig. A terrific life…

This from a guy who was close to not making it out of the incubator because of a series of complications after being born. Resilience is a blessing!

One last personal example: Another high-schooler told me that I should not take any advanced classes because “my kind” only works at menial jobs suited for them. As I have moved on in my career as a corporate communications executive and resiliency speaker/writer, I have very, very humbly been extremely successful.

The point of these stories – and one all of us can learn from – is reaching your ultimate potential in life and career is not just about talent, hard work and a possible lucky break or two. It is understanding what you can control, and being more adaptable, preserving, persistent, patient, and not dwelling on the inevitable negatives sprinkled through our lives.

My parents allowed me to reach for the stars – even today as I speak to great folks like you worldwide about resiliency. I hope you understand your control triggers, and use the resilient strategies I have mentioned. They will help you to continue successfully working through your own life and career ups and downs.

Thanks, again, for your consistent support of my blog. Please let me know if you’d like me to write about other aspects of resiliency that all of us commonly share.