Resiliency First

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

Believing in ourselves. Sounds easy. Of course, Not a problem. Well…maybe not always.

As all of us deal with our ups and downs in life, maintaining belief in ourselves professionally and personally can be a bit challenging.

Whether it is the boss at work giving you an unreasonable deadline. Your spouse or significant other giving you that steely glare after one of those whirlwind discussions. Or, you just feel like things are not going your way in these hard economic times.

With all that happens to us everyday in this increasingly changing world, consistently believing in ourselves can be very hard.

I am back at work now running my own speaking and writing business about resiliency – and loving it. But I was laid off a year or so ago from a company I planned to be at for the next decade. The fantastic company imploded when the economic crisis hit its full stride, and nearly all of the 2,200 employees – including me – were looking for our new great work adventure.

I stopped believing in myself for a time because I had done nothing wrong. I was labeled as a “rock star” in the organization and an essential component leading the corporate communications brand. Then, pow, it was gone. I had done everything right, then…

It certainly can set you back. Many of you might have had the same experience, or you are in a job that does not fit your skill set. At least I had a great family to support me and an idea. Instead of thinking a corporate communications executive job is what I had to have, I stepped outside myself a bit and did three things I suggest you think about. I:

- Developed a personal business plan.

- Looked at my personal brand very intensely.

- Had a “heart to heart” with myself about what I wanted to do for the rest of my career. I was 49 and did not want to just settle for something I’d probably leave in a couple years.

So, as you should do, I looked at what I could passionately offer – great writing and speaking. But what could I write and speak about that great folks like you would find value in listening to… What is your work passion?

That’s when I developed this career and life resiliency blog and have never looked back with more than 2 million hits over the last year or so. I initially did the writing to keep me “healthy,” but found y’all resonated with my perspective. This has led me to speaking worldwide and publishing hard cover and e-books very soon.

Now, if the perfect corporate position would come up, i might take that and still provide resiliency advice as my service to all of you. There is nothing better in this world than giving something back to a world that has offered me so much.

What does this have to do with you?

Well, I used many resilient strategies – such as adaptability, using my strengths, perseverance, persistence and patience – to keep me on a successful track. You can do exactly the same.

The next time a work or life challenge hits you across the face, I suggest not going down the rutted road of the blame game – government, your employer or even fate. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and stay in the sometimes complicated game.

I could have easily gone down the pity road and, to be honest, there are still days where I can swerve on that path for whatever reason. Because I have a lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), my increasing creakiness sometimes gets me off the paved road.

But I suggest not letting obstacles get in your way of forgetting about the good person that you are. No one is better in your world. Believing in myself has kept me walking, basically doing whatever I want and being successful in my very rewarding career.

I have not let a few bumps and sink holes stop me from believing I can stay resilient and do wonderful things – for myself and others.

Just keep believing in yourself, and most of the pains in life will eventually go away. And then you can see – as I ultimately have – the belief that you can do most anything in this great world….if only you believe.

I hope your summer is treating you well, and looking forward to talking with you again next week. Please stayed tuned for my e-books release date coming soon. I also will have more info about my soon-to-be published  career and life resiliency book. Take care.

by Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

I think too often we don’t give ourselves enough credit as we try to successfully navigate the currents of our professional and personal lives. We just look at the setbacks and sometimes discount the resilient and positive decisions made everyday.

An example of mine: Because of my physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), I have fallen hundreds of times in my 50 years and struggle to sometimes get back up without too many people noticing. Instead of worrying about image and people seeing me, I should always be very, very thankful I can still walk – whether it is with my cane or independently.

I typically do, and my attitude is to get up and walk for as long as I can. But I sometimes – like any of us – dive into the murky waters of lost confidence and even depression at some points in my life.

What are you thinking about at this point in your life that has you a bit on edge? Yes, come on, all of us deal with such chasms once in a while. Is it your job? Lack of one? Your personal relationships? No matter what they are, I have found that your attitude is absolutely key in helping swim through potentially menacing currents to see clearly what is truly important in life.

How have you swam through the currents in your orbit? I’m sure nine times out of 10 you have made the right decisions and found a successful way to deal with life’s stresses. Unfortunately, we sometimes needlessly worry about the one instance.

I could very easily live off of society’s sympathy and understanding. Instead, I have tried to use my disability as a rallying call for myself to attempt to help others worldwide who are struggling with their own challenging currents. I am humbled that my worldwide web site and speeches have resiliently affected so many from Saudi Arabia to China to South America and the States.

By talking with each of you openly about my life and career resiliency challenges, it has taught me to accept myself for who I am. This same lesson can be applied to you the next time one of those professional or personal “currents” sweep you off the course you expected.

While some of you are doing great in this economy, other good folks have had economic waves tip over their boat – so to speak – with little or no fault of their own. As I have found with age and physical disability, however, some of the currents you can’t control, but you have to navigate and steer your way through the best you can.

That’s why attitude is so important. I would not have thrived without knowing I am not going to give up my walking independence without a monumental fight. I’ve been so lucky to have a very successful career, and a truly wonderful wife and family. I have rarely settled for anything. To this end, I suggest you never settle for situations you know are right or you can have influence. You can have a resilient effect on your attitude every single moment of your life.

I sometimes walk with a cane now, but a friend so beautifully told me recently to never give up the attitude that I may not need the cane in the future. She was absolutely right, and I am now not resigned to adapting to less independence. Some day I will walk without a cane again. My attitude is revved up.

Are you revved up about yourself? Where is your attitude about you these days? Do you believe in yourself? I truly hope so because there is no better person in your life than you!

Take care of yourself, and you’ll be able to navigate those unwanted currents in your life.

Thanks, again, for helping me become a humble voice of resiliency worldwide. Until next week…

by Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

Most of us have gone through inevitable obstacles and sometimes unforeseen challenges in our lives – especially in the last 18 months or so.. This may be because of unimagined layoffs or possibly losing a loved one from Alzheimer’s. How do we get through such tragedies and get up again to walk the next miles of our lives?

It definitely can be hard, sometimes exhausting and a bit frustrating if we don’t stay resilient. Even if you apply the resilient strategies that I have very humbly highlighted worldwide on this site and through my many speeches, there are still days when things just don’t go your way. I have sometimes adapted, used my strengths and have been very persistent, etc., but still I feel I not in control.

But should any of us crawl into a hole and feel like our lives (and careers) are spiraling downward? Absolutely not! Whatever life throws at you, there are ways to keep successfully navigating through those sometimes choppy currents.

I recently have had to overcome an unthinkable change (for me) in my life. I have always been able to adapt to any obstacles that my lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) has thrown in front of me. Whether it has been enduring horrific teasing when I was young by my classmates because of the way I walked, people telling me that I needed to stay with “my kind” and not think about going out with an able-bodied girl (I have now been married to a wonderful able-bodied woman for more than 25 years), or falling much more as I have gotten older (I’m now 50).

Beginning a couple months ago, however, I now have to use a walking aid – a cane – most days to make sure I stay upright and not hurt myself by falling. Sounds like a no-brainer, you say…it is helping me staying walking and mobile. But, as some of you have had to deal with your own set of unexpected challenges, I had always hoped this day would never come. It unfortunately has, despite all my lifelong efforts to stay fully independent.

I have had the cane for a couple months, and my body is adapting to it being there. It’s my mind, unfortunately, that has a ways to go. I have been independent all my life, and it is hard to believe that it is time when I need to be more interdependent with an external aid.

That is why the resilient strategies of adaptability, perseverance, persistence, patience and so many others are especially important for me right now – and you!

by Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

There are still so many great folks in our nation who are still struggling to find work. I have talked to so many who have been out looking for two years or more.

I’d be still out if I had not humbly and successfully started my own resiliency speaking and writing business worldwide. My previous corporate jobs as a communications executive are still far and few between in this economy. That’s why I have a bit of a challenge for those who believe we are “paying people not to work” by providing unemployment benefits. In my view, we are giving them a chance to stay on their feet until they find that next great work adventure.

I’m not one who believes that our government has unlimited resources. But if we don’t continue to help folks, our economy will keep spinning no matter if the Democrats or Republicans our in power.

I rarely get political on this site, and I will stop with these comments now, except to say our neighbors and friends need our small bit of help to keep their sense of resiliency in their lives.

I think an article I wrote quite awhile ago fits well as all of continue to manage our our life and and career resiliency…

As all of us withstand the body blows of today’s challenging world, more than just a job, house or relationship has been possibly lost in successfully lasting through the 15th round.  In many cases, our confidence, self-esteem and appreciation for ourselves have also taken a severe hit as we weather the economic storm.

It can be very difficult to worry about confidence or self-esteem as fantastic folks like us try to find their next great work adventure, or hang on through the next round of layoffs. While the economic outlook looks a bit brighter these days, I have talked to many friends who do not always appreciate the special person they are.

I’ve been there and done that. Even when my life is going on all cylinders, I still sometimes have challenges with my confidence. Sure, I’ve done nine out of 10 things very well, but what about the one I did not. I can dwell on that one. Instead of building on my “wins,” I wonder why I could not have had one more success.

As you may have experienced, thinking about the “one that got away” can consume your thoughts and make you less confident and efficient moving forward. Then, add potential layoffs, underemployment or other life challenges. They can truly play with your mind…

If there is one thing I’ve learned through my layoff and successfully starting my own business this year is I cannot forget to take care of myself emotionally and mentally during the transition. You also need to take care of the most important person in your life – YOU!

Here what I’ve learned:

A Bit of a Stretch: Most of us understand we need to exercise to keep our body and weight within our control. Because of my physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), I’ve also learned that a stretching routine each morning helps stop my creaky body from feeling like a rusty door hinge.

What I found after my layoff is I have to treat my mind in somewhat the same way. I had to develop a “stretching routine” that kept me emotionally ready to withstand any challenges of starting a new business and other bumps along the way.

I developed the SEAC (pronounced SEEK) method, and it has helped me a great deal.SEAC stands for Self-Esteem, Appreciation and Confidence. Each morning, I spend no more than 20 minutes – the same as my exercise routine – to “exercise” my psyche a bit. I find actions I have taken – most likely from the previous day – that help me appreciate myself and how I can seek to maintain my confidence and esteem.

SEACing Resilience: Admittedly, some days are harder than others to find those resilient trigger points. I, however, look at my whole life – not just my professional life. While SEAC may be about work, it could be that I had a resilient conversation with my 14-year-old daughter, which can be one of those amazing and wondering things. (Dealing successfully with teenagers is whole separate article for another time.) Or, it could be I was able to help a colleague or friend through his or her own challenging professional or person moment.

My point is you need to find something in your life that keeps showing the terrific person you are known for every day. Your actions tell a resilient story, and SEAC may help show them – to yourself!

Appreciate, Appreciate, Appreciate: A friend of mine forwarded me a memorable quote recently from life solutions expert Mary Manin Morrissey that sums up SEAC very well. It goes:

Appreciate yourself. The next time someone pays you a compliment, don’t shrug it off or put yourself down. When we push away acknowledgment of our divine selves, we can’t amplify the good that is trying to move through our lives. We can be humble and still accept praise. Accept that others are seeing the true being within you. Take pleasure that others recognize your true identity. And give the gift of a compliment to someone else.”

Next time you want to stay in bed because of challenging moments, your son/daughter has one of those teenage moments, you forgot to say “I Love You” to your spouse, or you don’t see the goodness of you, please remember: SEAC ways to find how your special talents make a difference to you and so many others in your orbit.

Look forward to talking with you again next week! Please e-mail me if you anything to add, or would like me to cover additional resiliency topics.