By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

Being resilient, healthy and positive about ourselves is imminently doable, but we need to sometimes stop getting in the way…well, of ourselves.

Like me, I’m sure there have been some points in your life where you’ve successfully checked off nine actions on your “to do” list. But you weren’t able to get the 10th one done in your set timeframe.

We worry and sometimes beat ourselves up about: A possible work assignment not  completed before the deadline. That chore around the house you did not  get to today. You’ve filled out 10 job applications instead of 12 for the week. Or, you may feel you could be doing more to promote your family’s happiness in some way.

This is when I think we can at least momentarily hurt our confidence and reduce resilient strengths of adaptability, persistence and patience.

Life can be tricky if we don’t stop getting in the way of ourselves when things are truly and ultimately O.K.

- That work assignment really can be completed tomorrow or even next week before the deadline. Right?

- The extra job application(s) can be completed tomorrow without the world ending. Don’t you think?

- That additional chore can be completed at another time without the world caving in. You bet…

I’m not saying to procrastinate. But worry less what you’ve not done and please cherish your vast accomplishments – from small to large.

I have traveled down the “worry road” more times than I want to admit throughout my life. Worry that my physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) will someday force me from stop walking. That my very humbly successful small business of resiliency consulting/speaking will not ultimately turn out as I hope. Or, my confidence will take a hit  like when I recently fell and smacked my chin against an unforgiving cement floor.

The “whata, coulda, shouldas” help me get in my own way. I am 50 now and have ultimately and successfully adapted to anything my disability throws at me. My business also will continue to be fine if only I keep believing.

The key is continuing to believe in yourself with the many many things you accomplish each and every day.

Just as you may do, I have to continue the battle inside my head – and not let real or  imagined obstacles get in the way to my happiness.

When was the last time you looked at yourself fairly? Are you finding ways to sabotage your career and life happiness because you are trying to be perfect and get in your own way?

As I have had to absolutely realize, the hardest barrier to overcome is to understand that none of us are Supermen or Wonder Women. Although I’d  enjoy being the man of steel for at least a little while, I need to be the best I can be for that particular day, week, month and year. And so do you.

Getting in our own way with possibly unrealistic expectations each day can be just as jarring as a right cross from Mohammed Ali.

The next time you see yourself getting in the way of you, please do a sidestep and  practice the “rope-a-dope” to bounce back even more resiliently. Just remember Ali’s famous phrase “float like a butterfly…”

Life – I hope you agree – is too short to worry unnecessarily and get in your own way to an even more fulfilling life. Find opportunities to feel good about yourself instead of worrying that you did not do this or that. I don’t do this successfully every day, but I give it my all. You should, too!

Just remember there really is another day to accomplish the 10th thing on your “to do” list.

Until next week, I hope you are having a very resilient day!

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

Every so often in life most of us have asked: “Why me?” “Why am I not getting the breaks?” “Why am I not happy with my job?” “Why can’t I find my next great work adventure?” “Why can’t I be just happy in life?”

That’s where most of us reach an important crossroad. Either we can stand up and successfully fight through those inevitable and sometimes painful obstacles, or we can settle and start spiraling downward in confidence, self-esteem and believing in ourselves.

I know it can be very hard to “believe” when you just heard about your upcoming layoff, you’ve been searching for your next great work adventure for the last year, your finances are on the edge of foreclosure, or your personal relationships are not quite where you want them to be.

I, too, was laid off from my dream corporate communications executive job because of this economy many, many months ago. Consequently, I had to do a lot of sole searching for what I wanted to do for the rest of my career. I, in fact, had to look in the mirror and say to myself, “I do believe” – just barely.

At that time, I also was beginning to go through more challenges with my lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy). Because of the way I walk and age, my body was wearing out on the inside. Since then, for the very first time in my life, I’ve had to use a walking cane to help keep me from falling.

I was truly at important crossroads in my career and life. I could have thrown up my hands, blamed the world and succumb to the ever-increasing challenges of life.

I didn’t – although there were some days I wanted to just quit. I know many of you may be going through the same thoughts and turning point moments.

That’s where using our resiliency can help us through potentially dark days at work, looking for work, or dealing the folks in your orbit.

That’s where the resilient strategies that I’ve mentioned in my speeches and articles on the web have made such a changing difference in my life and career. I hope you can look at yourself and use your resilience of adaptability, knowing your strengths, knowing what you can control and not dwelling on the negatives that crop up in our lives once in a while.

Use them to say, “O.K., stuff happens, but here’s how I am going to move successfully forward.” To get your mind to truly believe can be the hardest challenge of all.

I wish I were more like my beautiful wife or very strong mother. If stuff happens to them, they say: “O.K. this has happened but I am not going to let it consume me.” For me, and probably for some of you, I have said, “Why me,” and started spinning a bit not knowing which way to turn.

This could have happened to me last year when my challenges personally and professionally were beginning to peak – and sometimes they did for brief moments. That is, until I looked at myself hard and asked what did I truly want to do for the rest of my life.

I used the three resiliency strategies – which all of us have – that I think are the most important.

Perseverance, Persistence and Patience. What I call the three Ps of resiliency.

How are you doing with your 3 Ps?

Perseverance led to see myself in a more resilient light. I developed a personal business plan, looked at my personal brand very hard, and had a heart-to-heart with myself about what I wanted to passionately do for the rest of my life and career.

Personally, I’ve preserved and adapted to my physical disability all my life. Learning how to find the right balance so I did not have to rely or be a burden on anyone in my life. Now, I have had to convince my mind that a walking aide – a cane – was just going to help me persevere my independence – if in a slightly different way.

I had to have a heart-to-heart with my mind and get past the thought of using something externally to help me walk. Persevering is an on-going process, but the mind hurdles I have achieved since getting the cane have been significant.

How do you need to increase your perseverance if stuff happens beyond your control?

 

Professionally, developing my personal business plan has very humbly led to creating a career and life resiliency web site that has been visited my two million good folks like you. It also has allowed me to start a successful business speaking to corporations and groups locally and nationally on applying resiliency strategies in your life. I feel I am giving a little something back to this world, which has been ultimately kind to me.

Persistence is a tough one. If someone doesn’t get some “bites” or positive news from the job-hunting front, for example, frustration can set in and persistence can ebb a bit because of a loss of hope.

My layoff and physical challenges could have destroyed my confidence and let my mind wander to places not always healthy. But these obstacles did not make me quit. It, in fact, revved me up to understand what I could control in my life.

While I have been very persistent in my world, the best persistence example in can give you happened nearly 125 year ago. Electricity and light bulbs are commonplace now, but back then they were earth-shattering.

Thomas Edison failed at more than 120 experiments before perfecting the light bulb. Wow, 120 failures. He had to be so persistent and believe in himself and his experiments.

How persistent are you even if something does not go your way even a couple times?

 

Like Edison, your persistence will pay off if you stay focused and believe no matter the obstacles.

Patience with yourself and others. I think this P is the toughest P. I always want results right away or in a reasonable amount of time.

After a couple months of not getting any calls from potential employers last year, I decided to retool myself and use my writing and speaking skills in a slightly “out of the box” way. That is how I’ve been humbly a success in my writing and speaking business I spoke about earlier.

If I would not have looked at things a little differently, I’d most likely have lost patience with myself. I probably would have started to feel sorry for myself – and who knows where I would have turned.

How patient are you with yourself if actions don’t go your way in the timeframe expected?

 

Understanding and applying the thee Ps has made a healthy difference in my life – and I hope they will for you. They have helped me avoid too many of the “Why me’s” that can derail my sense of accomplishment, fulfillment and confidence.

While there are always those days, the three Ps have made a resilient difference that you can also apply in your life circumstances.

What about it? I suggest you think of these three Ps of resiliency the next time a life or professional moment does not go your way. If you do, then you’ll probably be start  saying, “Hurray me!” instead of “Why me.”

 

You are so kind to keep reading my resiliency articles. Worldwide, I have heard thousands of comments from six of seven continents. Anyone from Antarctica out there? Thanks so much for your continued support!

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

The natural and man-made disasters this year have been historic. Haiti, the tsunami that nearly made it to Hawaii, and then, of course, the immense tragedy in the Gulf. Now, it’s the Chilean miners who may not get out of their underground “dungeon” until Christmas – yes, Christmas!

While all of us are withstanding the body blows of our own challenging world, these disasters put life into an eerie but somewhat familiar perspective. The folks in the Gulf and Chile are going through horrible circumstances out of their control. On a much more personal scale, many of us have had our own tsunami fighting to keep our confidence, self-esteem and appreciation for ourselves above water in this economic perfect storm.

In starting a new speaking business worldwide, there are some days my confidence wavers a bit. I don’t get things accomplished as fast as I want, or I don’t always see the possibilities in front of my face. But then I think about those good folks in Chile who have life and death issues to worry about. Then, my perceived challenges are not so great after all.

It can be very difficult to worry about confidence or self-esteem as fantastic folks like us try to find their next great work adventure, or hang on through the next round of layoffs. While the economic outlook looks a bit brighter these days, I have talked to many friends who do not always appreciate the special person they are. Sometimes I don’t always appreciate the good person I am.

But then there are so many people in our great world in a much more serious state. To keep everything in perspective for me, I have developed the SEAC (pronounced SEEK) method, and it has helped me a great deal with perspective.

I highlighted this in a previous article earlier this year but thought I’d revisit it with the world and personal/career challenges many of us still face. Because what I’ve learned, and one I hope you will think about, is that if life gets away from you too much, your ability to do anything will be seriously compromised. Whether it is the Gulf, a mining accident, a tsunami, finding your next great work adventure or trying to stay afloat at your current job, SEAC can help all from becoming derailed.

SEAC stands for Self-Esteem, Appreciation and Confidence. Each morning, I spend no more than 20 minutes – the same as my exercise routine – to “exercise” my psyche a bit. I find actions I have taken – most likely from the previous day – that help me appreciate myself and how I can seek to maintain my confidence and esteem.

SEACing Resilience: Admittedly, some days are harder than others to find those resilient trigger points. I, however, look at my whole life – not just my professional existence. While SEAC may be about work, it could be that I had a resilient conversation with my 15-year-old daughter, which can be one of those amazing and wondering things. (Dealing successfully with teenagers is whole separate article for another time.) Or, it could be I was able to help a colleague or friend through his or her own challenging professional or person moment.

Despite the world challenges I’ve mentioned, my point is you need to find something in your life that keeps showing the terrific person you are known for every day. Your actions tell a resilient story, and SEAC may help show them – to yourself!

Appreciate, Appreciate, Appreciate: A friend of mine forwarded me a memorable quote recently from life solutions expert Mary Manin Morrissey that sums up SEAC very well. It goes:

“Appreciate yourself. The next time someone pays you a compliment, don’t shrug it off or put yourself down. When we push away acknowledgment of our divine selves, we can’t amplify the good that is trying to move through our lives. We can be humble and still accept praise. Accept that others are seeing the true being within you. Take pleasure that others recognize your true identity. And give the gift of a compliment to someone else.”

Next time you want to stay in bed because of challenging moments, you get down because of world events, your son/daughter has one of those teenage moments, you forgot to say “I Love You” to your spouse, or you don’t see the goodness of you, please remember: SEAC ways to find how your special talents make a difference to you and so many others in your orbit.

A Confident, Resilient You: Sure, their are world and personal events that we cannot always control – or sometimes understand. One thing you can always control is yourself. Successfully managing your attitude, values and how you relate to people will get you through those moments of despair, indecision or “why has this tragedy happened in our world.”

Just want to say Godspeed to those courageous miners in Chile. Our prayers are with you!

Look forward to talking with you again next week! Please e-mail me if you anything to add, or would like me to cover additional resiliency topics. Again, stay tuned for my new resiliency e-books coming very soon to this web site.

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

While most of us are tremendously resilient, that doesn’t mean we can always avoid disappointments sadly derailing our sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. It’s how we dust ourselves off and get back up that enables us to continue our successful journey.

Take me, for example.

At a hotel work conference awhile back, I fell and smacked my head against an unforgiving marble floor. Unfortunately and fortunately, my lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) has offered me many life moments to fine-tune my resilience.

I was taken to the emergency room with a couple of my valued work colleagues at my side. All I was thinking at the time was – not about my health – but that I just fallen in front of dozens of my colleagues. What were they going to think except to pity me?

Then, my inner resiliency voice – that we all have – said: “Don’t worry about what others may think. You need to focus on yourself, stop feeling disappointed and use the resilient strategies that have helped you succeed in life, These include adaptability, focusing actions you can control, not dwelling on negatives, persevering and staying patient.

I was ultimately O.K. But what my colleagues said afterward, I will never forget. They said: “We did not feel sorry for you, Steve. We were amazed how adaptable and resilient you are in life.”

Wow! Talk about turning a very disappointing and embarrassing work moment into something truly special.

I don’t highlight this personal example to tap into your empathy. It does show how any of us – despite circumstances that may be quite disappointing on the surface – can stay resilient at work and in life.

How are you bouncing back from a disappointing work or life moment? Have you dusted yourself off or are blaming life/others for youe conrinued disappointments.

A professional example: I was flying high at my employer until the current economic crisis hit. I was called “essential” and a “rock star” as a corporate communications executive – which I passionately loved to do. Then, this great company imploded and eventually laid off nearly 90 percent of its valued employees – including me!

I was extremely down, heart-broken and very disappointed. I had done everything right but it ultimately did not matter. I’m sure many of you have gone through similar challenges.

But instead of wallowing in my disappointment, I tried to focus on what I could control. I developed a personal business plan, looked at my personal brand very hard, and had a “heart-to-heart” with what I truly wanted to do for the rest of my career at age 50.

That’s when – instead of blaming life, the government or others – I used my lifelong resiliency to humbly inspire others. I developed a blog/web site and now have written more than 80 career and life resiliency articles  surpassing 2 million hits in a little over a year. I developed a successful business out of writing and speaking to corporations, groups and individuals about why resiliency is so important to all of us.

I’ve also wrote many resiliency e-books and am getting a hard copy resiliency book published very soon. Additionally, this includes leading an international resiliency study with doctors and professionals worldwide. More to come…

My initial disappointment has led me down a new and successful road by using my strengths as a writer and speaker. Are you letting a disappointment or two dramatically affect your life in a negative way? What are you doing about it?

I have definitely been there. But this time I vowed it would be different. And it has…

I truly think many of us spend too much time on what we could have done, or thinking about our perceived personal and professional weaknesses.

That gets in the way and we start spinning not knowing where to turn – whether employed or not. These disappointments get to us.

To stay resilient in these challenging times, all of us need to focus on our strengths as a person, spouse, parent, friend and co-worker. This is especially true for many of us who have been seriously affected by recent layoffs.

Adapting to new challenges always means looking at ways we can be a better person and locking away disappointments to find a more healthy solution. Focusing on the past and any weakness(es) you see in yourself will diminish the fantastic person that you are everyday.

That is why this week I encourage you to lock away your disappointments and think about one strength you see in yourself and how this positively affects your life. In fact, when you wake up in the mornings this week, let’s all try to remember this strength and the good people that we are.

Resiliency and adaptability means sometimes putting disappointments and the past in perspective, and creating a sense of future hope. Identifying your strengths will highlight the terrific assets you bring everyday to yourself, family and friends.

Try thinking of yourself as a closer in baseball. This pitcher is usually asked to get the last three outs of the game. Some days he pitches great and the game is over. Other times, he might give up a grand slam homer and lose the game.

But he is usually asked to get right back on the mound and close the next game despite his previous day’s disappointments. If he let the disappointment get to him, he may never be able to succeed as a close again.

All of us have our share of life disappointments. It’s how we dust ourselves and get back in the game that can make the successful difference.

Highlighting our strengths will allow each of us to tackle the variety of daily issues and disappointments we face – and the uncertainties that inevitably get in our way.

Stop letting disappointments rule, and make a healthy difference for yourself!

I’m so appreciative of your continued support. Very humbly, it has helped me on my resilient journey.

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net

Our lives and careers are very serious business. We go about our days with stout determination that success will definitely stay with us. That is, if we only work that extra hour, finish that project way ahead of schedule, or continually focus on completing task after task until their completed – no matter what…

No matter what, you say…isn’t there something else in life to shoot for?

National studies show having “fun” in your life is extremely important to our health and is sometimes a missing ingredient for many of us. One study suggests that “not finding the time away from the office,” could dramatically hurt our successful career and life path.

The message I suggest you think about and one I haven’t always followed: if you don’t step away from the office awhile, turn off the computer after the 50th job application filled out, forget to kiss your spouse, or love your wonderful kids and pets, you could become burned out and have out-of-control stress.

None of us want that – no matter how focused we are on our careers or other passions in our lives. To stay resilient, happy and fulfilled, we need to enjoy life and find those “sweet spots” that make us happy.

I say this because I need to hear it. In starting my own motivational speaking business, I have spent 60 to 80 hours a week at least thinking about work in some way or another. While each of our circumstances are unique, you also may be thinking about work as you sip a tall cool one. Or, you are at your son’s baseball game physically but mentally thinking about work – or finding your next great work adventure.

Why is that? I’d love to get your comments. From my view, it is at least partially because our world now lives through a 24/7 news cycle. We are nearly always a click away from checking e-mail, or trying to finish that report online, or finding something about anything. All of us are connected through the Internet, smart phones, etc., etc., no matter if we want it or not.

I think this “24/7 lifestyle” we lead helps us always stay too focused on the serious business of life and career – as we forget to take a deep breath or two. We don’t do this intentionally…there’s just a lot of serious stuff on our plate and fun can wait.

Well, it can’t unfortunately.

Another national survey showed that stress levels of those employed or looking for work are off the charts these days. Again, we are in serious times, but when was the last time you went to the lake and skipped rocks across the water’s surface? Had a quiet brew with a friend at a coffee shop with your phone and computer turned off?Set aside time for yourself and maybe finish that jigsaw puzzle that’s been on that card table downstairs for what seems like years?

Or, even more importantly, setting aside time with your significant other to do something fun and spontaneous for just the two of you. Maybe going to an antique shop? Staying for a night at a special bed and breakfast? Or, holding each other’s hands watching the sun set?

A healthy resilience is not just being in “your serious mode” all the time.

Fun can be a very unique experience. I suggest spending the next 15 minutes listing some of the fun you could be having if you weren’t so involved with your career or business. Then – tonight – share it with your significant person and ask the person to jot down a few bits of fun.  Share and find additional ways to stay happy and fulfilled. Come on, do it – for your sake.

For me, my fun is spending time finding antiques with my wife – with my iPhone off. Or, going out for a quiet dinner at a place we’ve never been to before. Or, cuddling with our two dachies or “weiner” dogs and loving them without worrying about my next e-mail message. Or, traveling to some exotic place and walking on a secluded beach where there is no Internet. Can you imagine that?

I’m not an old-fashioned guy, but I think we need to simplify and have a bit of fun for our health’s sake. Right now, I’m going to turn off my computer and phone, and take a ride in my boy toy – otherwise known as my Mustang GT. My “pony” and I are going to park next to a lake and watch the gentle waves as my spirit is refreshed.

I suggest you need to find your own fun and “sweet spots.” And, guess what? By allowing yourself time for such things, you’ll be more energized and successful with the more serious and mundane parts of your world.

It is amazing how your world can change if you incorporate fun back into your life…mine sure did for the absolute better!

Please be looking for new video vignettes and e-books on resilient strategies for you on my web site very soon. I also will be adding an additional national radio interview I did in the last couple weeks.

Thanks, again, for your support and take care.

I have been having Internet access challenges the last couple days since a severe thunderstorm hit a couple nights ago. My ISP provider will be fixing it by late Tuesday.

I will post a new article after that. Sorry for the inconvenience…