By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com
All of us have days when we are on top of the world. We like ourselves, we are providing for our families in substantive ways, and everything we touch in our lives and careers could not be any better.
Think for a moment of one or two examples and please hold on to them with a smile as we traverse in this article how we handle those challenging moments that eventually come up for all of us. You know those times when life was not so kind for you, when you did see an opportunity until it was too late, when you lost just a bit of hope when those dark clouds did not let in a few rays of sunshine.
All of us have these moments and the most important decision is how we react to them. Do we find the right (non-potholed) path to successfully move forward, or do we continue walking down that lonely path of despair and heartache?
While some good folks say it is fate, I truly think it is more within our resilient control.
Early in my life I had those moments when I sometimes cried myself to sleep because of teasing and emotional bullying by good kids who really did not know any better. Later, when everything was going great for me as a communications executive the company I worked for imploded under the weight of a disintegrating economy. And now as my resiliency business becomes successful and I am very humbling viewed as a worldwide expert in career and life resilience, my body is breaking down because of a lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy).
Disappointments, of course. Please think of your unique obstacles that you’ve overcome personally and professionally. How have you maneuvered through those minefields to stay happy, content and successful as you define it?
Among the many unique ways all of us scale those craggy mountains is by a series of resilient strategies most of us use every day. Our list includes such things as adaptability, learning to compromise, knowing your strengths, finding common ground, staying in control and the three Ps of resiliency – perseverance, persistence and patience.
Nothing really revolutionary. But strategies that also should help us overcome most anything life throws in our direction.
Each time, for example, I have fallen figuratively and literally these resilient “friends” have come to my rescue as I’m sure they have for you…
When a classmate in high school told me I should not be dating this beautiful “able-bodied” girl and stick with my own “disabled kind,” finding common ground and knowing my strengths were there to pick me up.
I could not let his prejudice and intolerance force me to think any less positively about myself, Excruciatingly hard to get past this…you better believe it.
How have you used those two strategies to dust yourself off from a disappointment or tragedy? Maybe it was trying to come to grips with your wonderful Mother or other loved one dying of Alzheimer’s. Possibly your child going down the wrong path…
Then, there’s me: A couple years ago, tripping and hitting my head against an unforgiving marble floor at a work conference with many colleagues around. What were they going to think? Pity? My inner resilient voice told me to understand what I could control, persevere through it all and stay patient with myself.
Also, very, very challenging to overcome. That is until colleagues humbly told me how much they admired my will, adaptabity and projecting myself as a person – disabled or not.
What about how you have used those resilient strategies? Please think of a personal or career event that has forced you to truly adapt, absolutely persevere and/or wholeheartedly made you rethink a thing or two about yourself. How has it changed you and how you view the outside world? You possibly endured through a layoff, someone (possibly a friend) took you for a lot of money, your most loving relationship ended for reasons that could have been avoided.
Although it can be very hard to come to grips with sometimes-tearful disappointments, I have found that all of us need to stop pitying or feeling sorry for ourselves. We should realize how such basic resilient strategies can help you turn the page with more confidence. Life does not always have to be extremely complex,,,unless you make it so.
Yes, my worldwide resiliency writing and speaking business is turning a fantastic corner. Yes, arthritis, my joints wearing out and 51-year-old muscles are not reacting as they once did. Patience and being gentle with myself, however, has allowed me to look past those days when walking is more difficult, my balance is like a teeter-totter gyroscope, my confidence goes into the tank because I need to find alternative ways to do something that was so easy just a couple years ago. It’s definitely not a piece of cake some days.
When was the last time you were patient and gentle with yourself or others? You did not yell at your spouse or kids after your boss had one of those ballistic type days at work. Someone cut you off on the freeway and you gave them the finger. You lost patience with yourself because you did not accomplish all 10 “To Do” tasks on a particular day. All of us have been there…
Now I asked you to remember those times when you were at top of the world. Did you expend as much energy feeling good about those times as you did thinking about the disappointments and challenges? Probably not…
A recent study showed that children laughed and smiled more than 200 times a day. Adults do the same less than 10 times a day – even when times are truly going fantastically. Re-learning to smile and laugh more on a consistent basis – possibly loving your very dear pet – will help reduce the stress even on those days when the world seems to be closing in on you.
It’s amazing what a smile can do in the best and most challenging of times. I can smile and move on with some of the challenges highlighted above, you can also make the difference – for yourself!
I truly appreciate all the great resiliency feedback through the social media world. Look forward to talking with you again next week, my friends!