By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com

Why do we doubt ourselves? Why do we let setbacks overly influence our future actions? Why do we let other people sometimes ruin our day? Why is it sometimes hard to dust ourselves off and get back in the game?

Well, for one thing, we are human. Our confidence in ourselves sometimes wavers no matter if we are the most successful CEO in the world, or someone looking for their next great work adventure.

But, more succinctly, all of us have hopes, dreams and expectations for ourselves that are met many times in life but then there are those moments you throw up your hands and wonder why…

More than not, our true resilient success depends on how we react to those few significant wavering moments allowing us to feel good about ourselves even during the most challenging moments.

Examples:

You are about to close on this multi-million dollar account cementing your increased status at company XYZ. A friend finished a fantastic job interview that could not have gone any better that day. Another friend just completed a month-long work assignment feeling confident and refreshed. The three of you stop at the local pub and have a cool one to share the moment.

Managing Expectations

- You meet the next day with the client ready to sign the deal but unexpected complications come up possibly jeopardizing what you’ve worked so hard for.

- Your friend meets with his supervisors but doesn’t get the terrific response he thought about the project he just completed. He comes out of the meeting a bit mystified that a project potentially saving the company a lot of money was treated matter-of-factly

- Your other friend waits for the company to call for the next interview, which it said for sure would happen in a couple of days. She write a very gracious “thank you” e-mail to the interviewers but nothing happens that day…the next day…or three weeks out even after politely e-mailing them a second time for an update. Then, finally, they called back and said another candidate was a “better fit.” Her world comes crashing down…at least for the moment.

All of us have been in similar situations in life…been there, done that. From personal experience, the key for you and your friends is to truly know how to manage your expectations…

You and your friends should have received better. What could all three of you done differently or better? Absolutely Nothing!!!

Most of us believe that – if we work hard enough – we are ultimately in control of our own fate. Partially, this is, of course, true. Hard work, determination, grit and adaptability will allow all of us to go far in our careers and lives.

But I submit there are only three things you can totally control in your lives. They are your attitude, your values and how you relate to people. That’s it!

This, by no means, should be taken as a downer. Those three encompass the fabric of our lives…

I will get off my “soap box” but the point is you cannot control the actions of others. You can control how you manage your own thought process and getting too concerned over the semantics of life. Yes, the companies in all circumstances should have responded differently…but they did not.

The point is to move on and not dwell on the things out of your control.

A personal example is how I react to my lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy). I could submit to the challenges of walking and doing the normal things all of us do – especially as I go further into my 50s.

I could sit and do northing and blame the world for hardships as you have had in your own unique circumstances. But I don’t. Sure, I may get mad that I can’t walk 10 miles anymore, or that my back is a piece of work. Can I truly and ultimately control such challenges? Absolutely not. Can I dust myself off and continue to play the game of life? You bet!

So, the next time work does not go quite right that day, your significant other bugs you for some reason, or your confidence goes in the tank, please remember: Your attitude, values and how you relate to people are your keys to stop from slipping into the black hole of despair.

Please stay strong my friends. Until next time, take care!

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com

As I launch my second resiliency e-book, “Join the Likes of Bill Gates and Donald Trump as To Successfully Branding Your Work And Life Talents” very soon, I wanted to give you a sample excerpt. Check out my books at http://resiliencyfirst.com. Thanks for already making my first resiliency book a success.

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Performing a job to make enough money to buy a house that is too big, a car that is too fancy, or just to truly enjoy that much-deserved vacation. All of us make money for different reasons. What many of us also have in common is that making money is sometimes more important than the passion we have for our current job or career. We have all been there.

I’ve always wondered: Why can’t we have a job that we love and make the amount of money we need at the same time? Well, you know what? We can.

All of us have unique talents and capabilities that set us apart from anyone else in the world. Like a fingerprint, these personal brand components identify and define us in all facets of our lives.

It takes the confidence, determination and passion to understand your personal brand and how to use it to your advantage. I am the first one to admit that my life confidence wavers sometimes. As a person who grew up with a physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) I was relentlessly teased by kids because of my differences. Even at age 51, some of those scars can still rear their ugly marks and cause me to periodically lose my confidence in some situations.

No matter my issues, though, I always have to take hold of my life and career confidently or I will not succeed. Whether I am passive or proactive, I do my best to find work that I can be truly passionate.

Sometimes, it is easier said than done. As you assess your personal brand, please think through the following suggestions and try to apply each to your work (or even personal) situation.

Having Confidence To Do You Really Want?

- Personal branding truly means having consistent confidence in you. In my 25+-year work career, I’ve had countless successes and a few challenges along the way. When I’ve had challenges with my physical disability, career and/or life, I have found the most important key is to have trust in myself.

This unyielding confidence to successfully pull through any situation has been important for me – whether I have smacked my head against a granite floor after tripping, or had a huge success with a work situation.

- As I said, maintaining at least a baseline of confidence in good and not so good times is THE most important resiliency/adaptability factor that allows me to continue my work and life everyday.

- Life has had its moments where I’ve wanted to shut the world out because I’ve momentarily lacked the confidence in myself. This may have been because I had just tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and fallen. (My balance is sometimes affected by my physical disability – Cerebral Palsy.) Or, I just had a conversation with my daughter that I knew could have gone better. Or, I had just recently been laid of from a wonderful job I truly loved.

- All of us have such issues – great and small – we face everyday. They can truly affect the confidence in us. To help maintain resilience, I have highlighted below a few of my successful confidence strategies that you may want to apply to your everyday needs.

I’d suggest you think about the following, and try at least one strategy soon to help stay resilient and confident. Because remember: Your most important personal brand asset is you.

- Finding one positive about you each day. O.K., I am not positive about myself all the time. I’d almost have to be robotic and be programmed. But, every day, I try to find at least one thing I did very well the previous day. This may be helping a colleague network to find a better job, knowing I treated my daughter fairly in a conversation about improving her grades, or (simply) that I exercised and liked the way my body reacted. What is one simple or complex action yesterday that you felt confident about in your life?

- Stop sweating the small stuff. I try to avoid sweating the daily small stuff that may lead me to lose a bit of confidence in myself. Whether that may be not worrying I am a couple minutes late for a meeting because I hurt my back getting out of the car, not getting one of my Top Five list of things done I promised myself, or forgetting to pet my wonderful dogs as I leave for work. Developing an effective personal brand also means knowing what you can truly control. Without this understanding, you will not get mission-critical items accomplished and people will see you in a lesser light. What small stuff will you try to avoid to keep your confidence on the right level each day?

- Liking You. I am the first one to admit that I don’t always like myself every minute of every day. I make mistakes I regret, I don’t always see possibilities when they are in front of my face, or I am just having a bad hair day. Maintaining a consistent personal brand does not mean that we need to be perfect.

No matter what happens, though, I always remember what is truly important in my life – loving my beautiful wife, teaching my wonderful daughter the values she will carry throughout her life, or talking with the great friends I have had for so many years. Such examples are keys to being happy with myself and successfully getting past certain times where I don’t always see myself in the best light. Thus, I am building and maintaining the inner workings of my individual resiliency and personal brand.

- What do you like about yourself? I suggest thinking through such questions, and trying to maintain the right amount of confidence in all parts of your life. There will always be days where your confidence wanes and your resiliency disappears. But just remember the love and emotional value of your family and friends, and the good that you do at work and throughout your life. Your personal brand depends on it!

A famous philosopher once said: “Maintaining one’s confidence and finding your true passions are ultimately the gift of liking yourself no matter what external factors get in the way.”

Especially at work, finding your niche or passion may mean staying happy and successful in a job while making enough money to enjoy the important things in life. Knowing this will help you define your “spot on” personal brand that can increase your resiliency in so many positive ways.

So, what is your passion or niche? Your personal brand can help you define your unique niche…

Please, again, take a look at my newest resiliency book at http://resiliencyfirst.com. Thanks for your support and tune in next week when my newest book will most likely be coming out.

Photo By: stefano principato

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com

Like my career and life resiliency articles? Check out my most recent e-book: “A Healthy Blend Of Managing Your Life And Career Despite 66 Things That Get In The Way” on this site – http://resiliencyfirst.com.

Many of us spend far too much time on what we could have done, or thinking about our perceived personal and professional weaknesses.

To stay resilient in these challenging times, all of us need to focus on our strengths as a person, spouse, parent, friend and co-worker. This is especially true for many of us who have had to re-brand ourselves because of the recession since 2009, which hopefully is losing steam just a bit.

Adapting to new challenges always means looking at ways we can be a better person. But focusing on the past and any weakness(es) you see in yourself will diminish the fantastic person that you are everyday.

All of us have tremendous personal and professional strengths – and, of course, a few weaknesses sprinkled in along the way.

As hard working employees and terrific people in life, we want to feel great about our work without waiting for the next crisis to hit.

A study has shown workers can improve their strengths by up to 30 percent. If they use the same amount of time to improve their weaknesses, they can only get less than a 10 percent improvement rate.

I have found my greatest work success in the corporate world when I focus on what I do best. I know that is easier said than done with client expectations.

When I was asked many years ago to create layoff communications plan that would affect my work friends – and ultimately me – the first draft was not seen as not “hard enough.”

I took the critique and used my strengths of adaptability to re-craft a more direct yet sensitive plan that was implemented.

The workplace and life point: Unless you lack some core skills, I suggest not worrying as much your weaknesses. Spend at least 80 percent of the time demonstrating your strengths to your working world.

Finding common ground should also be one of our strengths as a person and co-worker.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it? All of us should be on the same page especially at work. It only makes sense…

Are you and your company truly on the same page? Do you understand what your supervisors expect from you? These trigger points can break down our strengths of accomplishment, happiness and content we need in our jobs – and, more importantly, in life.

On a personal level, I’ve had to be very strong in the common ground department in my life – especially as I was growing up.

Just a little background about me: Through the second grade, I was enrolled in a very nice crippled school for children in southeast Minneapolis. Back in the 60s, that is what they called such schools. It taught me a lot but the school softened many of the blows in life. My parents, however, wanted me to achieve my potential whatever that may be.

So, they mainstreamed me into a “normal” elementary school in the third grade and I went through years of tremendous emotional teasing like, “Why do you walk so funny,” or, “You should go back where you came from” and much worse.

Although I cried myself to sleep many nights and my parents were always there for me, I remember – even at that age – thinking that I was not going to let this emotional bullying destroy my inner-strength as a person. I had to find some common ground in my approach to kids. My solution: I stood up for myself but I never got into fights even though my left side of my body was very, very strong.

I became tougher and used such strengths to overcome life obstacles myself because of it, which helped in high school and my humbly successful career as a corporate communications executive for nearly 30 years. And now as an international speaker and writer on resiliency.

In high school, particularly, I was dating a very pretty able-bodied girl. What she saw in me I was not sure.:~) But I took her to a movie one evening. (I don’t remember the movie because I was focused on her.)

After the movie, I went into the bathroom where an upper classmate cornered me saying, “ You have no right to be dating this girl…you need to stick to your own kind” – meaning someone with a disability. A couple weeks later his friend came up to me and said, “I see you are taking these advanced classes. You don’t need to do that since your kind only does menial work anyway.”

In both these instances, I could have gone ballistic or shrank like a wilted flower. Instead, I found my strength in applying a common ground approach and confidently standing up for myself. I did not receive any more of these comments, which I hope, in part, was because of the way I strongly and skillfully handled these situations.

The workplace and life point: You may not always get along with someone at work or school. But, for your benefit, you need to find common ground to do what is best for you.

That is why this week I encourage you to think about one strength you see in yourself and how this positively affects your life. In fact, when you wake up in the mornings this week, let’s all try to remember this strength and the good people that we are.

Resiliency and adaptability are sometimes putting the past in perspective and creating a sense of future hope. Identifying your strengths will highlight the terrific assets you bring everyday to yourself, family and friends.

I heard someone say once: “You can’t always fix your weaknesses but you can definitely improve on your strengths.” Focusing too much on weaknesses will expend far more needed resilient energy than continually showing the world your true strengths.

Highlighting these strengths allow each of us to tackle the variety of daily issues we face – and the uncertainty all of us may have in this economic perfect storm.

Thanks so much for your support and I hope you are having a resilient day!

Photo By: Bharfot