You are here: Home / 2011 / Archives for August 2011

Our Responsibility And Resiliency Come Together To Form A Healthy Duo

August 29, 2011


By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com

Being responsible and resilient. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, being responsible for yourself and others can hit a significant snag if you are not happy and don’t give yourself credit for your strengths. Been down that road  - and I want to avoid that exit ramp if at all possible.

To effectively deal with my career and life ups and downs, I periodically ask myself this resiliency and responsibility question: What makes me the happiest about myself for that particular moment?

- Is it something great I have accomplished at work?

- Is it that I remembered to kiss my beautiful wife when I got up in the morning?

- Is it that I effectively handled a typical challenge from my teenage daughter?

- Is it that I thought positive things about myself without sweating the small stuff or assigning undue blame?

- And, most importantly in my view, am I being responsible enough for my actions to think beyond what is good for me? I suggest filling in your own examples: What about your kids or significant person in your life? Where do they fit in?

I have found resiliency is more than just dealing with the big things in life – a death of a family member, losing one’s job or dealing with many other family or work situations. It is more about the smaller things we do everyday that make us feel good and responsible about ourselves – and able to adapt successfully when unforeseen events happen.

Are we just looking out for ourselves without the responsibility of considering others who are close in our lives?

This can become an unwanted part of our personal brand, which I talk about in my newest resiliency e-book, “Join The Likes Of Bill Gates And Donald Trump As Someone Successfully Branding Your Talents,” available at my web site – www.resiliencyfirst.com.

My resiliency challenge for you this week is to do one thing that makes you happy and responsible for others, which has been off your radar screen for awhile.

Maybe it is kissing your spouse or actually having a meaningful conversation with one or all of your children. Possibly, it’s helping your parents with a project that has been on he table for many moons.

Or, it may be helping a co-worker with a work project even though you are not assigned to do it. These are actions within your control and are easily doable if only you give a small portion of your time.

Over time, truly understanding such responsibility will help build the resiliency and inner-feeling of good inside you when dealing with things not always within your control.

These may be the unreasonable request from your boss, the 10-item To Do list at home, or your car going nuts as you need to go to an important event.

Many of us spend too much time on what we could have done, or thinking about our perceived personal and professional weaknesses.

To stay responsible and resilient in these challenging times, I suggest all of us need to focus on our strengths as a person, spouse, parent, friend and co-worker. This is especially true for many of us who have been affected by layoffs, which are unfortunately gaining speed in our country today.

The responsibility of adapting to new challenges always means looking at ways we can be a better person – just not for ourselves but others in our sphere. That’s when focusing on the past and any weakness(es) you see in yourself will particularly diminish the fantastic person that you are everyday. And the inherent responsible person you should see in the mirror…

That is why this week I encourage you to think about one strength you see in yourself and how this positively affects the responsibilities you have in life. We, of course, can dwell on our weaknesses – I have 33 and counting. But no…responsibility for me is finding ways to overcome life’s challenges. I’ve done this with my physical disability and other normal life activities. You can, too.

In fact, when you wake up in the mornings this week, let’s all try to remember at least one strength and the good and responsible people that we are.

Resiliency and adaptability is sometimes putting the past in perspective and creating a sense of future hope. Identifying your strengths will highlight the terrific and responsible assets you bring everyday to yourself, family and friends.

I heard my father say: “You can’t always fix your weaknesses but you can definitely improve on your strengths.” He, unfortunately died a decade ago, but he taught me this: Focusing too much on weaknesses will expend far more needed resilient energy than continually showing the world your strengths.

Highlighting these strengths will also allow each of us to tackle the variety of daily issues we face responsibly – and the uncertainty all of us share in one way or another…

I’d enjoy hearing how you chose your particular action. How did it go and did you begin feeling that inner-sense of good and responsibility?

Take care my friends, and please take a look at my two brand new career and life resiliency e-books at my site – www.resiliencyfirst.com.

Photo By Mr.Saxobeat

 

 

Resiliency – the Key to Surviving (almost) any Crisis

August 26, 2011
From radio host, Peter McClellan: Feeling a bit down? Believe that life has given you the short end of the stick and that is it time to roll over and play dead? You won’t feel that way after listening to the wisdom of someone who truly could revel in being a victim – but like a rubber ball keeps bouncing back better than ever – Resilkiecy Doctor Steve Beseke.

The key? RESILIENCY. Learn from this life-long combatant of Cerebral Palsy about the strength to be found in this one word and then unlock the doors of your own potential at work and in life. This respected author, speaker and motivator will reward your listening with real tools for real-world problems.

Down, but not Out Thanks to your 
“Resiliency” factor!

http://bit.ly/q2RHVx – http://pwrnradio.com/blog/2011/07/05/down-but-not-out-americas-revolt-against-being-written-off-21-resiliency-%E2%80%93-the-key-to-surviving-almost-any-crisis/

Steve Beseke has been a corporate communications executive for nearly 30 years with major corporations and NGO’s. His site, http://resiliencyfirst.com has had more than 3 million
viewers in the last 18 Mos. and is one of the top 4 Personal Branding sites in the U.S.

Resiliency First – Your Resiliency for a Lifetime

August 25, 2011

Your Resilience. The concept means more than just thinking positive about yourself. As Steve highlights in this national radio show podcast, resiliency is the whole package of dealing with good times, neutral times and challenging moments in your life and career. Please check out his additional comments by clicking:

http://www.resiliencyfirst.com/MP3/stevebesekepodcast.mp3

The Word “Blame” Can Be Extremely Unhealthy In Our Work And Personal Worlds

August 22, 2011

 

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com

Blame. Most life and work actions we blame ourselves for are not totally within our control. Our resiliency takes a hit because we blame ourselves for this or that. Then, our confidence goes down in relation to that “B” word.

It can be a never-ending cycle if we let it…

Examples:

  • We blame ourselves for not getting our “To Dos” list done over the weekend.
  • Sometimes, we blame ourselves for actions we cannot control at work – relying on someone that does not come through on a project or your boss blowing up over a “t not being crossed or an I not dotted.”
  • Other times, we blame ourselves for settling in the job that we have instead of pursuing the job we want.
  • And, of course, there is blaming ourselves for getting laid off at work in the economic times despite exemplary performance.

It goes up the ladder as well. Senior leaders blame themselves for not getting the profits their shareholders want. Politicians blame the other side of the aisle for nearly anything that goes wrong in our world.

I wish we could wipe out the word “blame” from any language and focus on ways to solve issues together. I read once that 95 percent of everything we do at work and in life is not totally within our control. Your spouse, your boss, your friends, and your teenager(s) – you can fill in your list.

Most of us look at resiliency as a right that we have in this world. In the hallway mirror each day, we see ourselves to varying degrees as adaptable, persistent, patient, persevering and, most of all, having strengths to offer personally and professionally.

Despite circumstances and obstacles that sometimes get in our way, I think it is true: All of us are inherently resilient whether we believe it on a particularly day or not. The challenge becomes getting through those challenging days when our resiliency seems as far off as the planet Pluto and we start using the “B” word.

This is when we have to look at ourselves hard and understand that everyone goes through unique resilient challenges in our lives. Blaming others – or ourselves – does not in my opinion solve anything. It just polarizes our thoughts and actions to successfully get things done. Because it is easy to blame but harder to work with folks – or have patience with yourself – in times of need.

Sure, Bill Gates or Steve Jobs might not have money resiliency obstacles to worry about, but they may have other typical professional or personal issues (as all of us do) to deal with resiliently. Just look at what Steve is going through with his health…

Looking always for someone to blame is not healthy for any of us, our country, or our world.

O.K., my idealist tendencies are coming out a bit. But at such blame moments, I think all of us need to look at our personal brand very hard and have a “heart to heart” on what we want to do for the rest of our careers – and life.

By the way, thank you for your gratifying response to my two new career and life resiliency e-books at www.resiliencyfirst.com. (If you have not had a chance to look, please do!)

I could have easily blamed the company that laid me off from my dream corporate communications executive position because of the bad economy. Or, federal and state governments for inaction or unwise economic policies over the last dozen years or so. Or, society for being so polarized these days and not coming together for the true betterment of America and the world – without focusing on petty differences.

Again, these are not instances where any of us have total control.

I could blame my body for deteriorating because of my physical disability – Cerebral Palsy. I now walk with a cane and need an electric scooter for longer walks. When I was younger – I am 51 now – I used to walk up to 36 golf holes and was nearly a scratch (par) golfer.

I have to put a lot of thought into staying successfully upright and being happy in life. As you know from your unique life and work challenges, it’s not always easy. And sometimes all of us stumble and that’s just fine.

While blame creeps in once in a while, I cannot let it consume me or I’d be doing nothing and sitting at home. Talking successfully worldwide to corporations and great folks like you about career and life resiliency is a result of not playing the “blame game.”

How are you handling your blame moments?

I remember something my father told me a long time ago. He said: “Don’t worry about the things you can’t control in life. Use your strengths to find your passions in life to be happy and seek ways to work with others the right way.”

This sentiment meant a lot to me as someone who happens to have a physical disability and (recently) starting my own humbly successful resiliency business.

All of us have had our share of bumps over the last 18 months or so. The economy is getting better, but it is still hard to consistently measure true economic breakthroughs over the last year – especially with the stock market “yo-yoing” the past few days.

As I suggest you do, I had to look outside the box to stay successful and happy during these challenging times. The word “blame” is rarely part of my vocabulary.

I’ve been so fortunate, but you can find even more success then me if you only believe in yourself. I suggest not blaming the world and find your “sweet spots” where you can see tangible success again personally or professionally.

The “sweet spots” might be: 

  • Trying harder to have a meaningful conversation with your teenager.
  • Clearing away time on a Saturday afternoon to do something your spouse/significant other truly likes to do.
  • Giving your boss a break with the tremendous and on-going pressures at work.
  • Finding a moment to smile about the good person that you are despite the anxieties of trying to find your new great work adventures or the things I mentioned above.

Frankly, as I mentioned, it is easy to blame. Like me, I suggest you give yourself a chance to find those “sweet spots” to make you happy. For me, sometimes, it’s just loving my beautiful able-bodied wife of 27+ years, my 16-year-old “drama queen” daughter, and our two mini-Dachshund dogs and Chinchilla. Blame melts away when I am in this zone…

I challenge you to find that “no-blame zone” while overcoming the inevitable obstacles lying in your paths, including that unhealthy nemesis named “blame.”

Thanks, again, for your gratifying response to my two new career and life resiliency e-books at www.resiliencyfirst.com. I’d be honored if you would take a look at them. Your terrific response to my resiliency articles and speeches also has been so humbling for me.

I truly enjoy our conversations. Until next week…I hope you are having a resilient day!

Photo By: Johan Lange

Diversity And Differences: How Do You Treat People Fairly In Life?

August 14, 2011

By Steve Beseke, Doctor of Life Resiliency, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com

Diversity and dealing with differences are definitely important components in maintaining your personal brand that you should not minimize or overlook. In my articles and books, I rarely focus on highlighting my life story except when there is a specific point I want to get across.

But with so many bullying incidents be reported globally at work, school, etc.), I hope my story below will give y’all inspiration and motivation to think a bit more resiliently and practically.

Over the past several weeks, I’ve highlighted how managing your personal brand in your career and life can be the differentiator between resiliency success and not. I appreciate the many folks that are reading my newest personal branding book, “Join The Likes Of Bill Gates And Donald Trump As Some Successfully Managing Your Brand,” at www.resiliencyfirst.com.

One branding aspect I have not touched on much is how giving folks the benefit of the doubt can also add to your successful brand as a person.

Diversity means many things to all of us. Some may see it as the millions of types of plants in this world…the thousands of types of birds on our planet…or simply the diversity of life and how you relate and treat others.

To me, diversity means successfully adapting to a lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) that makes me walk a bit “funny,” and sometimes fall down literally and figuratively.

No matter how you define it, I think it is important that all of us react with empathy for those who may be a bit different from us. Whether it is age, race, gender or someone like me with a disability. A difference should not always mean that you should treat anyone less than how you’d like to be treated.

When I was born in the 1950s, the way folks dealt with differences were less enlightened than they are today.

My parents had to fight for my individual, basic rights when I was growing up in the 1960s. Back then, people still were able to institutionalize folks like me or put them in a back room of a house with the shutters closed. Society was not always ready to see anything that was not considered “normal.”

Through 2nd grade, I was in – what they called back then – a crippled school for children. The school was a very nice place but it softened every blow or mistake I made. Like your parents, my mother and dad wanted me to achieve my potential wherever that led. I could have stayed in this school but was mainstreamed into a “normal” school in St. Louis Park in the third grade. This began my journey of truly growing up and seeing how kids reacted to my differences.

It was not always a pretty sight and I still have a few emotional scars today.

I’m not going to tell you examples of my life to gain your empathy. I hope my stories help you think just a bit about the way you react to situations different than what you think, or people different than what you are used to. How people see you – your brand – may depend on it.

Whether it is someone with a disability like me, a workmate/classmate who might be overweight, someone whose family might not have as much money as yours, or someone that just does not fit in with your types of friends…

A little bit about me:

I should really be dead. I was born in the late 1950s two months early and less than four pounds. This was very serious back then, and I was in an incubator for quite a long time clinging to life. Then, doctors found that I had Cerebral Palsy caused by a birth trauma. Doctors told my parents, if I lived, I would have little use of my right hand, not walk normally and have many other problems

But the road after that was not easy, scripted or always fun – especially in elementary school. My resilience was born the first day of third grade…

I was 10 years old in 1969 and was escorted to my classroom on the first day of third grade. All the other kids were in the gym listening to the Principal welcoming them to the new school year.

The kids finally came to the classroom and the first one said after seeing me seated at my desk: “Why are you here…are you some sissy who can’t get to the gym?” Well, after a few minutes, the teacher asked me to walk up to the front of the room to introduce myself. Everyone laughed and said, ”Why do you walk so funny?”

That night was the first of many that I cried myself to sleep because I did not understand what was wrong with me and why the kids were being so mean. While my parents were extremely loving and supportive, this brought me to the “Naked Truth.” A reality – a signature moment – that would have a profound affect on my entire life.

Even though I was 10 at the time, I remember thinking that I was not going to let the constant teasing ruin my life.

As a teen, my hormones were raging when I was 16. I liked a lot of girls, and a few actually liked me. I went out with this particularly pretty girl to a movie that I don’t remember – my whole focus was nowhere close to the movie screen:~)

Everything was going great until an older boy came up to me in the bathroom afterwards and said: ”You have no right to be out with this girl, you should only stick with your crippled friends.” She just feels sorry for you…you’ll never have a real girlfriend.”

I also was told by another student that I would never date and marry except “with my own kind.”

Talk about devastating. I didn’t date another girl for more than a year until I got past the hurt until I realized: Yes, you have a difference but there are many wonderful girls that see more than just your challenges.

I now have been married more than 27 years to a beautiful able-bodied woman, and we have a 16-year-old drama queen daughter, two wonderful dachshund dogs and a lovely chinchilla. A terrific life…

This from a guy who was close to not making it out of the incubator because of a series of complications after being born. Resilience is a blessing!

Not many in school thought I could do anything normal like sports-related activities. They laughed again when I said I played golf and tennis. They did not laugh after I lettered in high school tennis and became a scratch (par) golfer when I was a little older.

Another high schooler told me that I should not take any advanced classes because “my kind” only works at menial jobs suited for them. As I have moved on in my career as a corporate communications executive and resiliency speaker/writer, I have been humbly so successful.

The point in these stories is that you should never try to unfairly judge someone because they may not necessarily be like you. It’s not fair to the person but also will not help you in college or the working world where everyone has some type of difference or diversity you may not be familiar with.

A few questions for you…

How have you reacted to someone in at work, school or life with perceived differences?

Did you allow your friends and peers influence you in your reaction…positively or negatively?

What is your first reaction when you see someone on the street that might be different than what you perceive as “normal?”

Now that I am older – I am turning 52 in December – I have to think harder about those with differences from me. I am extremely independent and have only recently required walking aids such as a cane or scooter to get me around. While CP is a birth defect and does not get worse as you age, your body starts to wear out – back, joints, etc. I’m at the point where I may need a cane to walk a longer distance.

I’ve always felt more normal because I did not need such aids. I now need to change my diversity definition and not

think I’ll be less of a person because I can’t walk as independently as I once did.

So, I understand how it can be hard for you – as able-bodied individuals – to compassionately and effectively deal with those different from you. I thought I’d never be like those individuals who need aids. In a sense, I felt more independent and not needing to rely on others. Now, I need to adapt my perspective a bit

If you remember anything from our conversation here, please think about changing your perspective on workmates, classmates or friends that may not necessarily be like you. Please don’t judge a book by its cover and give them a chances no matter differences physically, philosophically, politically or in every day beliefs.

You’ll definitely be happier and gain a healthier perspective as you navigate successfully through your career or school days.

Please, again, take a look at my newest e-book, “Join The Likes Of Bill Gstes and Donald Trump As Someone Successfully Managing Your Brand. Until next week, please have wonderfully resilient day!

Photo By: ansgar

 

Establishing Your Work Brand Means Much More Than Having A Terrific Idea

August 8, 2011

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com

Great ideas at work. Many of us have them every so often. Why do some convince “the boss” to take action, while others of us have seen our ideas spin like a top without anyone grabbing hold of them?

I read a very thought-provoking article recently that posed the questions:

Have you ever seen two people offer a similar idea, and one is heard while the other is not? Have you ever been that person whose idea was passed over? 



Many of us have been there at one time or another in our careers. Why do such things happen? Is one person brighter or just more convincing then the other? Possibly. But I don’t think that is the entire story…

I highlight this further in my newest e-book, “Join The Likes Of Bill Gates and Donald Trump As Someone Successfully Branding Your Talents.” It is available for a nominal cost on my web site – http://resiliencyfirst.com.

I think a lot of it has to do with the sometimes-nebulous ability to “close the deal” and understanding what one writer coined as a “personal leadership brand.”

Sounds like a couple of Twilight Zone topics that are not really part of the package for normal folks like us. Right? Well, not really…especially in the economy we are living in today.

Early in my career, I didn’t always know how to present my ideas in a way that connected deeply with the needs of my audience.

When I worked in local government in the 1980s, I was one of the recycling leads in the Public Works Division. I helped create one of the first successful recycling programs in the Twin Cities area. As time went along, I thought that giving a rebate on your water bill was a way to get more folks to participate across the city in very high numbers. I presented the idea, but it was another colleague that eventually got the proposal through.

How come? I thought. What had made the difference in convincing our superiors? What was getting in the way of my ability to speak so that others—particularly my bosses—would jump on my idea bandwagon?

This is where that connection I spoke about earlier came in.

Laura Lopez, an International Association of Business Communicators contributor, has it spot on.

She writes very adeptly: Communications is an influencing tool. To influence others to take action, you need a personal leadership brand. Developing your personal leadership brand ensures that your communication messages connect with your audience, even if your audience is a boss or other senior leaders. 



Too often we believe that leadership is only for those who have a certain title or the responsibility to lead others who report to them.

What I found out back in the 80s has helped me since. Influencing others when you are in a supporting or advising position is when you require leadership skills the most. 

So what is a personal leadership brand?

A personal leadership brand, according to Laura, requires you to clearly know your core offering and how it benefits your target audience. Effective brands are leaders in the marketplace because they connect emotionally with their audience and offer a benefit that there audience values.

I presented that recycling idea with cold hard facts. It was ultimately going to save the city money, while getting folks to begin recycling more. My colleague presented these facts, but also showed how such a move would be a personal benefit to the bosses in letting them get more sleep at night. They did not have to worry about getting more folks to participate in the fledging recycling program. Saving money talks loudly.

He closed the deal with just not facts but with emotion. This teaching moment back then has helped me throughout my corporate executive career and in my worldwide resiliency business.

His communication was more consistent with the core offering, which, in other words, is what he did better than my brand at the time. He found a way to emotionally and factually connect it to those who want and need this offering.

In response, my resiliency messages today just don’t connect your world in a factual way, but sometimes just as importantly they stir your emotions.

All of us have obstacles and we deal with them in a variety of ways.

As Laura points out, our core offering is based on your strengths, values and overall experience. When developing your personal leadership brand you must learn to connect that core offering with the needs of the boss or senior leader who you are serving or advising.

When trying to influence them with your ideas and perspectives, your messages must consistently provide your target with a benefit that addresses their needs – sometimes emotionally.

I did not do this with my recycling example, thus my suggestions were not as convincing as my colleague. As I said, that was definitely a learning moment that has shaped me as an influencer today.

That’s why I just don’t talk about resiliency in a fact-based way in all my communications today. I interject my real stories to connect with all of you. That’s why some say I am humbly one of the top influencers on career and life resiliency in the world

In upcoming weeks, I will be talking about other key steps to help you navigate successfully toward your personal leadership brand.

Thanks, again, for allowing me to walk down your own unique path to your work and life resiliency. Again, please visit my web site – http://resiliencyfirst.com – to see my newest e-book on personal branding.

I hope you are having a resilient day!

 

Photo By: [Jongky]

 

Resiliency E- Book: Why is Your Brand so Important?

August 5, 2011

In Steve’s newest e-book, he shows ways to identify, manage and cultivate your personal brand, so others don’t define it for you.
What does something personal have to do with your career or branding in your life? Especially today…quite a bit. Are you reliable, are you trustworthy, do you step up to the plate when someone needs your help at work or in life. In a very basic way, this is what your life brand is whether personally or professionally. That’s why the “personal” is used…because it is all about you.

Check out our eBooks at the eBook Store here!