By Steve Beseke, Doctor of Life Resiliency, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com (Check out my new work and life resiliency e-books at www.resiliencyfirst.com)

Early in his successful presidential run, Barack Obama mentioned he used a resilient mindset in keeping on track, staying focused, understanding how other people see him and staying emotionally healthy. Wow! In times of struggle for all of us, the lesson I learned from the President is the need to look hard at your resilient self and understand the needs you want achieved. 

Now, this is not a political article, and I am not going to discuss Democrats or Republicans. Although both could learn a lot from applying my resilient strategies – especially the art of compromise.:)

Sometimes, I think we are our own worst “enemies” when it comes to our own work and life resiliency. Been there and done that…many times!

Yes…the world these days can definitely be a bit daunting if we let it. Whether you are looking for work or are employed but maxed out, all of us should adopt or fine-tune our own resilient mindset that can keep us from going nuts!

Ever-increasing budget cuts, college expenses for your kids, workload expectations going through the ceiling panels, working more with a lot less and, yes, the notion that layoffs are not over yet sometimes stare us in the face.

You may be at a wonderful resilient edge of a new promotion, partnership, new job or personal relationship. But, for some reason, you get unnecessarily nervous. You begin, ever so slightly, to doubt yourself. You lose a bit of confidence not maybe shown to the outside world but inside where you think about it over and over again.

Why? A simple, yet thought-provoking answer is I think all of us want everything to go just perfect in this imperfect world. But we realize that there are some life aspects none of us cannot have ultimate control.

All of us go through those dark side moments – whether we want to admit them or not. You can be a CEO of a top Fortune 100 company, or someone just looking for his/her first job after college. It is not that we want to go there. Those are the shared human experiences in dealing with the emotions of the good and the “warts” of the not as pleasant. Coy as it seems, as one of Frank Sinatra hits is titled, That’s Life.”

It really is how we react, dust ourselves off and get through those sometimes agonizing inner-moments that allow most of us to stay happy, successful and liking ourselves – on most days.:)

As you look at your work and life resilience, you may want to mull through the following questions you may face every day:

• What resilient strategies are you using to get past those potentially black-hole moments in your life and work?
• How do you deal with difficult customers, colleagues, supervisors or even friends/loved ones?
• Are you involved in chaotic or exhausting work or life events that you feel very little control over?
• Does it seem like you have to solve the challenges and problems of your loved ones, colleagues or direct reports even before your first cup of coffee every morning? 
• Are you asked to overcome work or life issues that seem overwhelming or unsolvable?
• Do you find you are becoming less resilient to taking sometime challenging life or work events in stride? 

If you’ve said “yes” to any of these, don’t feel alone.

A survey of employees found that 78 percent said “yes” to at least one of these questions. Ninety percent said “yes” in their personal lives. More than 50 percent said “yes” to all of them…

Are you surprised? I wasn’t. I have spent nearly 30 years successfully (or mostly successfully) stamping out the fires that probably keep you up at nights. Some of my fun – that we may all have gone through has included: 

• The last second “request” by the CEO to totally rewrite his approved upcoming speech – and do it in the next hour for his plane ride review…
• The teenager who just can’t see how his/her sometimes-insensitive actions can hurt others.
• The direct report who was to present a white paper at a conference but accidentally deleted the presentation 15 minutes before his presentation – the IT guys had fun with that one.
• The spouse who goes nuts because he/she cannot control certain family situations.
• Staying up all night to meet a project deadline that unknowingly that day had been pushed back two weeks.

You, of course, can fill in your own additional, unique examples…

The number of times I have been “knocked down” trying to navigate through the turbulent currents that we call “the office” or “life,” has taught a number of emotional and practical realities. The most important is I have used my resilient mindset as a guiding post to get back/or stay on the right path.

I use the phrase “resilient mindset,” which I define as dealing effectively with all aspects of your work and life. These may include sometimes challenging loved ones, customers, colleagues or possibly being nervous that our challenging economy might affect your job/way of life.

This also means springing back from adversity to take pleasure in the quiet moments with your spouse, significant person, children, friends or yourself – and even realizing that work/life balance is more than just a concept on a corporation’s blotter.

To keep your work and life resilience at a healthy level, I have found the art of compromise, adaptability, finding common ground, and understanding my strengths and weaknesses very important.

I have highlighted many examples of these strategies over the last two years in my more than 120 resiliency articles worldwide and nearly 100 talks with corporations and groups. Be looking for additional poignant examples – including those of you who have given me permission to mention a few of yours – in the future.

A consistent act of resilient vigilance is that we should never get ourselves in a position to see ourselves as our own worst enemies as I defined earlier. A colleague of mine says it simply and best: It serves very little purpose and only challenges our own confidence and fuels unnecessary doubts.

Similar to the President and so many others throughout our history, we need to uncover our resilient selves to overcome such inner (and outward) craziness that inevitable gets in our way…

Like in this piece, I receive many resilient article ideas from you. I definitely appreciate your input, support and readership.

Please, again, take a look at my two newest resiliency e-books with another being published shortly. My web site is www.resiliencyfirst.com.

I hope you are having a resilient day!

Photo By: thebadastronomer

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com

Many of us understand we need to overcome obstacles and adapt to change in our personal lives. A loved one may be dying of cancer, your child may be traveling down the wrong path, or you have recently ended a significant relationship. This resilient list can go on and on.

There, however, have been a number of additional folks worldwide who have commented they don’t see how resilience plays an important role in their work lives. While I truly respect their opinions, I typically hear responses like: “I only work here,” “I only do what they tell me to do,” “I don’t have anything invested in the outcome…that’s my boss’ worry,” “I rank low on the depth charts and cannot have much influence.” Or, another one that is a bit concerning: “I don’t have to worry about resilience because my job is going great and I can handle whatever comes up.”

Sound familiar? You’ve probably heard these statements by co-workers – or possibly once or twice by yourself – through the years. Life is not going to end because of it, and I have journeyed down that unhealthy working road before.

What I have found, though, is your resilience is even more important at work. Sound obvious? I think so. But a recent study showed that nearly 90 percent of participants said they were in near total control of their jobs by just following orders or staying out of Harm’s Way. Yes, 90 percent! Unfortunately, many good folks like them have been laid off and are seeing to late what control they have…

(For more info, please check out my latest e-book, Join The Likes Of Bill Gates And Donald Trump As Someone Successfully Managing Your Brand Join The Likes Of Bill Gates And Donald Trump As Someone Successfully Managing Your Brand” at www.resiliencyfirst.com.)

For those of us who want to make our working worlds more rewarding, a bit less stressful and more grounded in fact, there are many resilient strategies to successfully get you through the day. Strategies like adaptability, persistence, perseverance and patience. (I will highlight more about these and other resilient approaches as you read further down.)

Our days may still go nuts once in a while, but our resilience helps take the edge off. It might help our working worlds be more rewarding and just a bit less stressful. 

The reality, of course, is that all of us have work challenges we face nearly every single moment of every day at work and in life. Whether it is dealing with a difficult client, working with a challenging boss or trying to six work assignments done simultaneously. 

The success we have professionally (and personally) depends on how resiliently we overcome the obstacles that inevitably come up in our workplaces. 

As the owner of my own speaking and writing business, my resiliency is definitely at a premium these days. Convincing companies and groups to open up their checkbooks is a challenging in these perfect storm types of days. You, of course, have your own unique obstacles to hurdle to overcome… 

No matter the work obstacle, career (and life) resilient strategies can make a significantly positive difference as you deal with customers, your boss, co-workers or yourself.

Smack-Down Resiliency

At a hotel work conference a couple years ago, for example, I fell and smacked my head against an unforgiving marble floor. I have a life-long physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), which makes my walk a bit strange and fall sometimes suddenly. I was taken to the emergency room with a couple of my valued work colleagues at my side.

 All I was thinking was that I just fell in front of dozens of my colleagues. What were they going to think except to pity me?

Then, my inner resiliency voice said: “Don’t worry about what others may think. You need to focus on yourself and use the resilient strategies that have helped you succeed in life, such as your adaptability, focusing actions you can control, not dwelling on negatives, persevering and staying patient with myself and others.

I was ultimately O.K. But what my colleagues said afterward, I will never forget. They commented: “We did not feel sorry for you, Steve. We were amazed how adaptable and resilient you are in life.”

Wow! Talk about how a very embarrassing work moment that turned into something truly special.

I don’t highlight this personal example to tap into your empathy. It does show how any of us – despite circumstances sometimes out of our control – can stay resilient at work and in life if we especially use our patience.

Resiliency: A 24-hour-a-day proposition

A majority of us are going through a lot of stress and anxiety in these uncertain economic days.

A recent survey showed more than 50 percent of participants were not happy with their jobs. And 50 percent in work transition were feeling a bit helpless in this challenging economy. Companies are also going through unsettling times with forced layoffs and just trying to stay afloat.

 This is where understanding and applying resilient strategies can help you overcome such obstacles at work and in your life.

Resilient workers such as you can offer companies an unparalleled return on investment as the economy gets better. And being resilient at work goes beyond being just a soft skill, but one that leads your company to see what an adaptable and skilled employee you are – which, of course, will benefit you in the short and long term.

Such work resiliency strategies like:

Adaptability

A TV career commercial jokingly said many people that we work or contract with we would not spend six seconds with in our personal lives.

So how do you adapt to clients and colleagues that may have personalities or work styles not necessarily ideal for you?

 The first resilient action I suggest is, “Never judge a book by its cover.”

Don’t worry, for example, that a person may be of a different generation, different gender, different beliefs or – like me – a bit different physically.

A corporate example of mine that may illustrate this best: Very early in my career, a supervisor was caught up a bit with my physical disability. He would go down to the lunch room to get me something to eat, never schedule a meeting unless it was a short distance away from my cube, etc., etc. He later said he thought I was in pain when I walked. 

Unfortunately, he assumed something that he never asked me about and adapted much of his free work time “to help me.” Finally, I sat down to let him know I never need help unless ask for… He was shocked when I told him about walking around the State Fair, lettering in tennis and golf in high school, etc. After this, he was released from adapting his day to make my work experience better.

The workplace point: All of us need to be resiliently adaptive in our work style and personalities with others. I suggest you should never judge someone unless you talk and/or observe them first

The Art of Compromise

Many of us are taught to stick to our beliefs and not compromise unless absolutely necessary. 

In your job and career, however, this narrowly defined concept can spell ultimate failure. There was a study that showed not being able to compromise was one of the top reasons work relationships failed.

 For me, compromise does not mean always giving in to the eccentricities or demands of clients, boss or co-workers. It’s giving a little on both sides to find a common middle.

The workplace point: Sometimes your clients or other colleagues are right on about the implementation of a project or idea. I suggest not letting status and egos get in the way of a great idea.

A senior manager friend of mine once told me of a great compromise example. He received the best work advice from one of the company’s hourly workers at lunch.

The manager discussed a new work/life balance plan  was to be communicated the following week. The worker was interested but asked how will it be communicated to his friends on the “grave yard” shift.

The manager said they would have to attend the presentation or call-in. The worker said work/life balance is great for those on the right shifts, but the presentation timing might be a burden with families, getting sleep, etc.

The light bulb went off and the manager said he added presentations at the times convenient for shift workers. It meant a bit more time, but ultimately was seen as very proactive in communicating the message.

The manager compromised – not because of superiors – but because he listened to a typical employee. It ultimately caused him less stress because he did not have to go back and “fix” something out-of-whack. 

Knowing Your Strengths

All of us have tremendous personal and professional strengths – and, of course, a few weaknesses sprinkled in along the way. 

As leaders, we want to feel great about our work without waiting for the next crisis to hit.

A study has shown workers can improve their strengths by up to 30 percent. If they use the same amount of time to improve their weaknesses, they can only get less than a 10 percent improvement rate.

I have found my greatest work success in the corporate world when I focus on what I do best. I know that is easier said than done with client or corporate expectations, but it can be done successfully more times than you think…

When I was asked a many years ago to create layoff communications plans that would affect my work friends – and ultimately me – the first draft was not seen as not “hard enough.”

I took the critique and used my strengths of adaptability to re-craft a more direct yet sensitive plan that was implemented.

The workplace point: Unless you lack some core skills, I suggest not worrying as much your weaknesses. Spend at least 80 percent of the time demonstrating your strengths to your working world. 

Finding Common Ground

 Sounds easy, doesn’t it? All of us should be on the same page with our clients. It only makes sense…

Are you and your company truly on the same page? Do you understand what they expect from you? These trigger points can break down the sense of accomplishment, happiness and content we need in our jobs.

If I could talk personally for a second to illustrate a work point: I’ve had to find a lot of common ground in my life – especially as I was growing up.

Through the second grade, I was enrolled in a very nice crippled school for children in southeast Minneapolis. Back in the 60s, that is what they called such schools. It taught me a lot but the school softened many of the blows in life. My parents, however, wanted me to achieve my potential whatever that may be.

So, they mainstreamed me into a “normal” elementary school in St. Louis Park and I went through years of tremendous emotional teasing like “Why do you walk so funny,” or “Are you mentally retarded” and much worse.

 Although I cried myself to sleep many nights and my parents were always there for me, I remember – even at that age – thinking that I was not going to let this bullying destroy me. I had to find some common ground in my approach to kids. My solution: I stood up for myself but I never got into fights even though my left side of my body was very, very strong.

I became tougher and able to overcome obstacles myself because of it, which helped in high school and my humbly successful career as a corporate communications executive for nearly 30 years.

In high school, particularly, I was dating a very pretty able-bodied girl. What she saw in me I was not sure.:~) But I took her to a movie one evening. (I don’t remember the movie because I was focused on her. 

After the movie, I went into the bathroom where an upper classmate cornered me saying, “ You have no right to be dating this girl…you need to stick to your own kind” – meaning someone with a disability. A couple weeks later his friend came up to me and said, “I see you are taking these advanced classes. You don’t need to do that since your kind only does menial work anyway.”

In both these instances, I could have gone ballistic or shrank like a wilted flower. Instead, I found common ground and confidently stood up for myself. I did not receive any more of these comments, which I hope, in part, was because of the way I handled the situations.

The workplace point: You may not always get along with someone at work or you may have a particularly challenging call – we’ve all been there. But, for your benefit, you need to find common ground to do what is best for you and your company.

Actions Within Your Control

To also stay productive in your work life, all of us should manage our work expectations better.

Do you have ultimate control over how a customer reacts to you over the phone? Can you truly manage your manager’s expectations? Do you have control of how you react to these two situations?

The answer to the first two questions is probably “not.” But you can control the third question as long as you have the proper mindset.

Many times we derail our sense of accomplishment because we worry about events out of our control.

For me, there are only three things you can totally control in your work or personal lives: Our attitude, values and how we relate to people. All three are work essentials.

Studies show nearly 95 percent of the projects or people you work with are only partially controllable by you.

A CEO speech I wrote once illustrates the point. Just a day before, the CEO thought the original speech was perfect. But the next day, as if I were in the Twilight Zone, he wanted a different focus. Could I control his change of opinion? No! But I could control how I reacted to him, and how I re-crafted the speech. If I let the “process” consume me, I could have never wrote what turned out to be an award-nominated speech.

The workplace point: If you let your attitude and mindset slip, life and work can really spiral downwards.

The Three Ps of Resiliency

To help with “control” in your workplace (and life), I suggest you remember the three Ps – perseverance, persistence and patience – of resiliency.

Perseverance: To me, persevering means understanding what you control and applying what I do best… I suggest applying this to your work experience.

An example: After being laid off a dream job many years ago, I looked at what I could control. I developed a personal business plan, looked hard at my personal brand and truly had a heart-to-heart with myself.

My perseverance led me to developing an award-nominated resiliency web site worldwide attracting more than 3 million hits, publishing many books and establishing a business where I could speak at organizations worldwide. Developing additional resiliency materials for those in need led me to staying healthy. It is very humbling. 

The workplace point: The lesson I learned – and one I suggest you should think about – is don’t pity yourself because you have had a professional setback or are not happy at work. Look at yourself hard and figure out your work passion.

Persistence: That great work solution you’ve presented to your client/boss that he/she does not truly understand. You try to explain it several ways but no luck. Definitely been there, done that… 

But just think about those resilient innovators throughout history, such as Edison, Ford and Gates. Each had their own set of work challenges – including many business failures – but they persisted.

Look at where persistence got them and where it might get you with your own unique resiliency mindset.

My resiliency goal is to help millions of people understand how their resilient strengths can make a difference in their work/life happiness. It’s happening because I believe. Do you believe in yourself. 

Patience: You’ve had five straight meetings that “you had to attend” and an important project is due at day’s end.  With such possible stress, you may not be patient with a co-worker who asks you a work question when getting back to your desk.

I think all of us have had those moments one way or another.

For me, I was at a juncture in my career where I lost patience with myself, which affected how I related to others at work and in life.

I stepped back and never regretted it.

I was a senior marketer at Medtronic a few years ago. It was an interesting, yet unfulfilling, job for me.

I made a significant income and had a lot of responsibility but wanted to move back to my work passion of directing corporate communications.

I did not hurry and was very patient with myself on what I wanted to do. Ultimately, it led me away from Medtronic to another company where I was extremely happy until this economic perfect storm hit.

My patience led me to my work passion instead of just settling…

Managing Your Personal Brand

Understanding and believing in your personal brand at work is absolutely part of your unique resiliency mindset. Since the layoff, I retooled my “brand,” and my resiliency business is very humbly a success.

Adaptable, persistent, perseverance, patience, being seen as easy to work with and a team player…how are you being viewed at work? Your success – and job – may depend on your answer.

Work Resiliency Next Steps

Please take a moment to think of a couple areas you’d like to improve about your workplace resiliency…

Pick one and work on it for a month and assess how things are going after that…you’ll see a resilient difference in yourself.

A Resilient Quote

One last story: Because of my disability, my parents had to fight for my individual rights in the 1960s and early 1970s as I was growing up. They taught me something that can apply everyday in the workplace for you. While they did not use the word resilient, they said:

“Never worry about things you can’t do, cherish your strengths to always be your very best.” 

Also, I have two new resiliency e-book  – “A Healthy Blend of Managing Your Life/Career Despite 66 Things That Get in the Way” and “Join The Likes Of Bill Gates And Donald Trump As Someone Successfully Managing Your Brand” – that I’d appreciate you downloading for a nominal fee at my resiliencyfirst.com web site.

I hope this quote will resonate with your life and career as it has done with mine!

 Thanks for all your support and comments, and I look forward to our connection next week!

 Photo By: Sergio Prado