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Newest Resiliency E-Book: How You Can Find Work and Life Happiness Consistently…

November 30, 2011

Check out our eBooks at the eBook Store here!

Trying to increase your work performance and stay happy and fulfilled at the same time. Trying to stay cool as your drama daughter or king leaves the headlights on and the car battery goes dead. Trying to stop from going nuts when your boss says she needs the report tomorrow instead of two weeks from now as originally communicated.

All of us have had those unique moments where maintaining our work/life happiness and sanity seem far away in a distant galaxy. This is when dealing effectively with your resilience and the stresses of life are most needed. Download Steve’s latest resiliency e-book on attaining work/life happiness consistently – AND find that quiet corner to relax…

Using Your Resilient Mindset Allows You To See Beyond Just Hope…

November 27, 2011

 By Steve Beseke, Associate and Doctor of Life Resiliency, Lennick Aberman Group. (Check out my newest resiliency e-books at www.resiliencyfirst.com.)

Seeing ourselves as resilient, or simply spinning and waiting for the next crisis to hit depends on how we see our world. That’s why managing our emotions – whether at work or in our personal lives – are the key determinants to our happiness, confidence and ultimate success in life as we want it defined. Our unique resilient mindsets play an extremely important role in how we handle such emotions in times of crisis or pleasure. 

As I launch my third work and life resiliency e-book called, “Liking Yourself and Being Happy Even When Your Boss or Spouse Gives You That Chilling Stare,” I wanted to share the second part of my “Resilient Mindset” series for work and life. This time I talk about finding common ground, dealing with setbacks and not worrying unnecessarily about worries out of our 100 percent control.

I heard someone recently highlight that a majority of our daily thoughts focus on our challenges and difficulties. Can you just imagine focusing more on making the good points of our lives even better?

No, I am not talking about being Pollyanna-ish about things. Just to keep things in perspective and use your resilience to get you through those challenging work and life moment all of us encounter. No matter if you are a CEO of a Fortune 500 company or a person like me.

No strategy works every time, and I’ve suffered my share of setbacks along the way – as I mention further down in the article. It’s, however, how I’ve successfully dusted myself off that has helped me keep the resilient mindset through my nearly 30-year corporate communications executive role and now as an international speaker/writer on resiliency and anti-bullying executive.

How about you? After reading through this article, I suggest thinking about your approach at work and determine if you should change or enhance your resilient mindset. Thinking through this mindset might save you a lot of unneeded stress and work as you navigate through your career.

I discussed a number of work mindset issues in my first article last week – compromise, adaptability and knowing your strengths. I continue with understanding the need to give a little – on both sides…

Finding Common Ground: Sounds easy, doesn’t it? I mean your work team should have common goals and practices to implement what needs to get done. In my opinion, finding common ground is ultimately the most important aspect of having a successful team and working relationships – whether it is with your boss, colleagues or direct reports.

To me, I define common ground as every team member being – at least generally – the same page with the company’s vision and values. Do your reports know what the goals of a project or company are? Do you? Does your supervisor? Any of these trigger points can break down the sense of accomplishment all of us need to feel to be happy and successful and continue to have the resilient mindset at work.

This sometimes takes a team and even a corporate culture shift where more necessary information is given out to keep folks from jumping to their own conclusions at work. This “jump” can lead to lost productivity, rumors and increased stress levels for you and your team.

A layoff communications plan I developed a number of years ago is a great example. Before I had a chance to even write it, I had to convince superiors to be upfront to employees for the challenging going on at the company. They initially did not want any extra communications fearing employees would get too nervous. I won the “more is better” argument by showing them the failing of other companies that decided to keep information close to the vest.

Going that extra step to communicate just a bit more can ultimately increase team understanding, your specific resiliency and cause you less stress in the long-term. While layoffs happened, the company received very little criticism for not letting employees know what was going on. I found common ground for the employee and company’s benefit.

You probably have much better common ground examples in your work careers. After reading this article, I suggest spending the next few minutes thinking about ways you could further promote common ground in your immediate and extended teams. Try to implement at least one of these strategies in the next week or month at work. You’ll be happier, more productive and resilient. 

As all of you know, our work resiliency is being tested these days. One interesting statistic from a recent national survey:

- More than 50 percent of employees across the country are finding their workload has increased by as much as 75 percent in the last 18 months.

During these stormy economic days, many of us are just trying to keep our heads down and grind through the workday waiting for a better and resilient tomorrow.

I read an article recently about a couple of resilient strategies to ease our job worries. They have worked for me and may help you continue having a resilient mindset. They are:

- The surprising cure for job stress: Schedule one more weekly work meeting and communicate with your supervisor. The current daily avalanche of headlines about layoffs can give even rock-solid employees like you job jitters. 

You can’t change what researchers call the “collective uncertainty about the future,” but you can book a meeting with your supervisor to discuss the company’s goals and define your role in achieving them. Research shows that clearly defined goals make workers happier and healthier.

- Then, begin exercising on a routine basis. You see, those who exercise perform better at work than sedentary people. One study looked at people under extreme stress and time constraints. It was clear those who took the time away from work to exercise regularly  – even just 20 minutes a day – were better at attaining personal satisfaction, and significant improved their work productivity and resilience.

Why does that work? Even though I have a physical disability, I try to exercise at least 20 minutes a day – or about the same amount of time going your local coffee shop and buying a large cappuccino…

I am definitely not a preacher, but studies show physically active people process data faster, and they’re more likely to have less work stress or to handle it better than chair-bound types. Workouts help your mind relax, so it’s a better incubator for new ideas and solutions – at work and in life. As one study subject said, “Running gives me a body that performs better at everything that I must do during the day.”

Even if your job is secure, why pass up the chance to be at the top of your game all day long?

So, in the next week, just try three things for your resilient, emotional and physical health:

1) Schedule a meeting with your supervisor and discuss priorities during these hard times.

2) Exercise at least 20 minutes every-other-day. 

3) Smile as often as you can.

I virtually guarantee you will see very positive resilient mindset results helping your stress levels at work and in all facets of your life.

Setbacks:

No matter how successful or resilient we become in life, all of us must deal with life and career setbacks – great and small. Examples might include losing a job, ending a long-term personal relationship, losing a loved one, or being shut down by your boss after presenting “the next greatest idea” at work.

We cannot get around it: Sooner or later all of us will face an opportunity that tests our personal and professional resiliency. To successfully adapt to such “setback moments,” I have learned we must show some patience and understanding – in ourselves.

I mentioned my life-long physical disability a little earlier. A couple years ago, I woke up in an emergency room. I had fallen and smacked my head on an unforgiving marble floor at a work conference. My head did not like it at all. As I regained my composure and was taken to the hospital, my first thought was to again blame my “setback” of having a physical disability.

Then, my little resiliency inner voice – that all of us have – took over as I was recovering with a couple of my valued work colleagues at my side. It reminded me that my entirely life and career has been about resiliency and adapting to circumstances sometimes out of my control – at work and in life I knew this in the emergency room: I was not going to let my disability stop me from my independence of walking and living life however I saw fit.

After a few tests, the doctors said I was O.K. to go home. I was fortunate that my life and public profile was not affected except for a few short-term bruises. 

I don’t highlight my particular life example to tap into your empathy. I tell you this little life vignette to highlight that we all are dealt certain cards in work and in life. The key I have found to transition me very successfully through such personal and work challenges is my resiliency and adaptability to get past any of these life bumps – no matter how significant.

Whatever you work or life setbacks, I suggest using your resilient mindset to overcome the obstacles that you may think are unachievable.

But right now: If you are going through a work setback right now – large or small – I’d suggest you think about the following grief stages and face what I did. When you shed all the layers away, I found that life is very special and we cannot worry about things out of your control.

Here are Dr. Kubler-Ross’ grief stages that have helped me recover my confidence my confidence and resiliency at certain points in my life and career. 

They are:

- Denial (this isn’t happening to me!) 

- Anger (why is this happening to me?)

- Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)

 - Depression (I don’t care anymore)

 - Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)

As I’ve mentioned before, our work life is full of ups and downs. How we react to work (and life) challenges will determine the scope – and for how long – it will take to recover. Once I realized this and faced up to the grief stages, I recovered faster from my personal physical setback that happened to me at work with the fall.

Now it is your turn. Please use my lesson the next time the door shuts for you – or you have your own work/life setbacks.

Additionally, other resilient important techniques to help stop you from grasping for breathe or waiting for the next crisis to hit is:

Stop worrying about things out of your control… To stay happy, productive and in the present at work, one thing all of us should manage more carefully is our expectations about controlling situations.

Do you have ultimate control over how your supervisor reacts a project you’ve completed. Can you control how your reports manage their time. Do you have control how you react to these two situations. The answer to the first two questions is probably “not ultimate control. But you should be able to answer the third question with an unequivocal “yes.,” if you use your resilient mindset

As I mentioned earlier, all of us as managers/employees want to feel great about our work and have a sense of accomplishment without feeling like you are gasping for breath or waiting for the next crisis to hit. 

But many times we derail our sense of accomplishment because we worry about the events out of our control. For me, there are only three things you can totally control in your work or personal lives. 

That is, our attitude, values and how we relate to people. How am thinking about myself, my work, my life, my family and my friends… As managers/employees, part of our role is to be in control of situations.

But you need to understand that nearly 95 percent of the projects or people you work with are only partially controllable by you. So you need to understand those areas that you can control and don’t get worked up about the things you can’t.

A CEO speech I wrote awhile back is a good example. Well, just a day earlier, he loved the draft and did not want anything changed. But then, as if I were in the Twilight Zone, a few hours later, he wanted a different focus. Could I control his change of opinion…no! But I could control how I reacted to him, and how I re-crafted the speech. If I let the “process” consume me, I could have never wrote what turned out to be an award-nominated speech. In the final analysis, there is not much in our control except your attitude.

The point is: If you let your attitude slip, life and work can really spiral downwards.

For reflection, please take a few moments and write down a recent time where you worried about things at work out of your true control. How did it affect your attitude, your day, and your productivity in the short term? I’d love for you’ll to share an example from a past job on my web site?

How is your attitude affecting you today at work? How is it affecting your colleagues and reports? What is your style in relating to folks at work? Should you be more adaptive, compromising or trying to find more common ground?

I’d also suggest thinking for a couple minutes about how you can take charge of your attitude even with the real control challenges many of us have day-to-day.

For me, not dwelling on the things I can’t control has made a tremendous different in my attitude and how I relate to people. One more short vignette:

Early in my career, a mentor counseled me that your attitude is one of the most important things people remember and can cause you the most stress on an every day basis – if you do not stay in control of it.

I’ve talked a lot about my three Ps of resilience in previous articles and presentations and how they relate to your overall resilient mindset. But the three Ps – perseverance, persistence and patience – will help you stay in control even in highly-stressful situations

Perseverance

What can any of us do to reduce work stress? Your performance is great but your company is asking more of you but offering less resources.

Persevere, again, means understanding what you can control and understanding what you do best…

Now, many of you are employed and thank goodness. I wasn’t so lucky a few years back. After I was laid off from by dream job because of the economy, I looked at what was in my control and use my resilient mindset

This is when, while searching for a full-time gig, I developed a personal business plan I looked hard at my personal brand very hard and truly had a heart-to-heart with myself about what I wanted to do for the rest of my career. 

Well, this perseverance led me to resiliency, an award-nominated web site and establishing a business where I write worldwide, speak at corporations/organizations, develop resiliency materials for those in need and stay healthy in my day-to-day activities. It’s been a true blessing…

The lesson I learned – and one you should think about – is don’t pity yourself because you have had a professional setback at work. Look at yourself hard and determine what makes you happy in your job.

Write those down and look at them once in awhile as you come out of your boss’s office perplexed on the decision that was made.  If those statements still hold true, you are still on the right course. If not, you should look at how your reactions and decisions will allow you to persevere and maintain “work/life happiness” as you see it.

Don’t just settle because then you may be going through the same challenges in future times. Persevere and understand the fantastic skills and qualities you offer everyday!

Persistence

That great idea you’ve had that no one seems to hear or understand. It could have the company thousands of dollars, or make employees understand the company better. But no one seems to listen and your idea floats in oblivion. And you just don’t have enough energy or will to pursue it any longer. Been there, done that. 

But just think about… those innovators throughout history, such as Edison, Ford and Gates. Thomas Edison had more than 20 detailed experiment fails before the light bulb clicked on. Henry Ford failed at a number of businesses until he got married to the Model T. Bill Gates, in an article I read, said high school classmates saw him as the ultimate geek. 

Look at where persistence got them…

That’s why I think understanding and believing in your personal brand is absolutely a key to your future success. When I first re-crafted my “brand,” I thought I’d never come up with something that was truly me. But I persisted and gave myself enough time where I did not feel pressured to write something in five minutes. I persisted and diligently wrote down all my strengths and the types of work I like to do. I also did the same with my weaknesses and the activities I don’t like to do.

This gave my a framework where I was able to write down “my future.” It was not easy and it took significant time but I got it done and now I understand what I want to do for the last 15 years of my career. My persistence led to talking about resiliency and opening up about my disability experiences. Most of all, it gave me the inner confidence to offer my common-sense messages to assist you and other great folks worldwide. 

Being persistent can be magical… 

Patience

You’ve just been laid off and wonder where the money will come from to pay the bills, keep your house and pay for your son’s birthday party coming up soon. In these circumstances, being patient to find your next great job is very hard. I’ve had my tough times and my friends have been there. There’s nothing fun about it and you just want to hurry to find a job that pays for life – - or find a better job that fits with your life.

For me, I found that I needed to step back for a moment and don’t hurry into something that I may regret. I was a senior marketer at Medtronic, had a lot of responsibility and made a lot of money. But I did not like the job.

At least for the short term, I stayed patient and tried to understand what my next step should be. I ultimately moved back into my corporate passion – directing corporate communications – but I used my resilient mindset to stay patient. You can, too, by applying this mindset to your work or life circumstances.

Simply: All of us can react wonderfully to favorable times in our lives. Our true grit is shown in how we deal with the professional and personal challenges all of us sometimes face. I suggest you think of the three Ps the next time you face one of those possible life-changing events in your life. Please don’t stay knocked down for long…see your true and fabulous resilient potential.

What else is a part of your mindset?

Control: What life and career actions are totally within your control? For me, being called a work “rock star” and “essential” gave me some belief that I could ride out the layoff wave in 2008. Yet, I was still laid off. Nearly all of us think we are in control of more things than we are.

My mother has worked at the same company for nearly 65 years. She is a beloved institution at her company and continues to thrive every day.

The rest of us can expect 10 jobs over our career – not because we like to move around or our performance is deficient. The great company you work for today may not be in control of their fate tomorrow. 

So, why worry about things out of your control? A psychologist I had coffee with told me “it’s being human.” Sounds justifiable in the abstract, but that does not pay the mortgage, keep your solid relationships intact, or make you feel a whole lot better.

Next time you have a low-confidence moment, just think about the three life actions totally within your control – your attitude, your values and how you interact with people. Find ways to use these three to see what is important for your life – your family, your friends and yourself. 

In upcoming weeks, I will suggest further ways we can tap into our resilient mindsets. Mindsets that can allow us to enjoy more at work and in life! 

I look forward to our continued conversation next week, and please take a look at my newest resiliency e-books on www.resiliencyfirst.com. 

Photo By: Evil Erin

What Are You Truly Thankful For?

November 21, 2011

By Steve Beseke, Associate and Doctor of Life Resiliency, Lennick Aberman Group. (Check out my new resiliency e-books at www.resiliencyfirst.com.)

As we (in the U.S.) celebrate Thanksgiving this week, how many of you are truly thankful for who you are, what you mean to those you love and, of course, the accomplishments that define you in your work and personal lives?

No. Not just the challenges, difficulties, grind and occasional heartaches. But the good…

This is a simple piece this week. I’d appreciate just thinking about the good in your life, instead of the other way around.

What are you truly thankful for?

I’m moving into a good spot in my life – partnering now with a worldwide behavioral advice firm, a family who loves me, and getting more control of my creaky disability body again.

That said, I still think sometimes too much about my challenges – real and perceived – that come up during the day at work and in life.

A much more intelligent colleague said I am not alone. She said my response is typical in today’s culture because our brains have been trained through the years to endure but not always enjoy.

Scary thought, but not irreversible. I have another great colleague who is one of the most brilliant and positive people I know. He said we could get up in the morning and say that this is going to be a “good day” and be thankful for it. Or, we can think the other way. Sounds too simplistic? Not really…I’ve tried it the last few months. Guess what? It actually works…

Even when challenging things happen, I have altered my attitude (mostly successfully) to say: “OK, it happened and here how I am going to deal with it.” Instead of always rethinking, stewing and spinning…

Still not perfect at it, but I can see a difference – and you can, too. 

This has allowed me to be more thankful for nearly all situations and see the resilient positives, instead making them only into inevitable negatives.

My mind and brain, for example, have now agreed that walking with a cane is just another way to stay independent. I no longer see the cane as a “crutch” I have to live with. My attitude: I am thankful that I am still able to walk and live life with not insurmountable barriers.

There, of course, will always be those life/work moments where things come crashing down no matter your attitude. But they will become fewer if you are thankful for all the good you do or have in life.

I ask again during this holiday season: “What are you truly thankful for?”

Have a wonderful week and holiday season! I will chat with you again next week…

 

 

 

 

Applying Your Resilient Mindset At Work Is Much More Than Just A Brown-Bag Seminar Topic

November 15, 2011

By Steve Beseke, Doctor of Life Resiliency and now a part of the Lennick Aberman team – www.lennickaberman.com. Check out my newest e-books at www.resiliencyfirst.com. Contact me at beseke1@earthlink.net or sbeseke@lennickaberman.com.

 Overarching statements about most anything can, well, be truly overstated. From studies and professional/personal experience, however, understanding why work resilience is one of the most important aspects to your career success is definitely not one of them.

Having a resilient mindset at work separates those who want from those who do. I rarely say something so starkly in my worldwide articles or presentations, but this mindset is absolutely essential for your success. While enjoying the good times in life, it also allows you to overcome those unique work challenges that confront us – yes, sometimes every day.

 I talk about ways to use your mindset in my third resiliency e-book: “Liking Yourself And Being Happy Even When Your Boss Or Your Spouse Gives You That Chilling Stare.” It will be launched on my web site – www.resiliencyfirst.com – most likely next week for your reading enjoyment.

To give you a taste, I have updated one of the book’s many resiliency articles highlighting ways to use such a mindset for your absolute advantage at work – and life. Please enjoy.

This is absolutely not a political article, but early in his 2008 successful presidential campaign, Barack Obama said something very enlightening.

The President mentioned he used a resilient mindset in keeping on track at work, staying focused, understanding how other people see him and staying emotionally healthy during highly stressful days.

Wow! In times of struggle for all of us, the lesson I learned from the President is the need to look hard at your resilient self, your work/career objectives and understand the work needs you want achieved. 

Whether you are looking for work or are employed but maxed out, all of us should adopt or fine-tune our own resilient mindset. This will keep us from going nuts!

The challenges you face can be very daunting in your career: Ever-increasing budget cuts, workload expectations going through the ceiling panels, working more with a lot less and, yes, the notion that layoffs are not over yet to name a few.

As you look at your work resilience, you may want to mull through the following questions many typically face every day at work:

  • Do you deal difficult customers, colleagues or supervisors?
  • Are you involved in chaotic or exhausting work events?
  • Does it seem like you have to solve the challenges and problems of your direct reports even before your first cup of coffee every morning? 
  • Are you asked to solve work issues assigned by your boss that seem overwhelming or unsolvable?
  • Do you find that you are becoming less resilient to taking sometime challenging work events in stride?

If you’ve said “yes” to any of these, don’t feel alone. A national survey of employees found that 78 percent said “yes” to at least one of these questions. More than 50 percent said “yes” to all of them…

Are you surprised? I wasn’t. I have spent nearly 30 years successfully (or mostly successfully) stamping out the work fires that probably keep you up at nights. Some of my “fun” has included:

  • The last second “request” by the CEO to tweak his approved upcoming speech – and do it in the next hour for his plane ride review…
  • The direct report who was to present a white paper at a conference, but accidentally deleted the presentation 15 minutes before his presentation. The IT guys had fun with that one.
  • Staying up all night to meet a project deadline that unknowingly during the day had been pushed back two weeks. My AA was busy planning a luncheon celebration and never gave me the message…

You, of course, can probably fill in unique examples in your career that fit this bill.

There have been more than a few times I have been knocked down trying to navigate through the turbulent currents we call “the office.” But most of my work life has not been on the “dark side” but trying to stay within a healthy resilient mindset. 

As you probably have, I’ve been mostly successful at overcoming the work obstacles many of us face everyday – and ride the resilient wave helping solve a myriad of work issues because of a few strategies I’ve learned along the way.

I use the phrase “resilient mindset,” which I define as dealing effectively with all aspects of your work life, including challenging customers, colleagues, being patient and persistent with your team/boss, or possibly being nervous that this challenging economy might still affect your job. 

Such a mindset also means springing back from adversity to take pleasure in the quiet moments of fun with your spouse, significant person, children, friends or yourself. And even realizing that work/life balance is more than just a concept on a corporation’s blotter.

To keep your work resilience at a healthy level, I have found the art of workplace compromise, adaptability, finding common ground, and understanding strengths and weaknesses are more important than just a feel-good brown bag seminar topic.

They can truly make a career difference for you. A bit of resilient detail for you to noodle over:

Compromise: At least in American culture, the word “compromise” is not always seen in the best of light in the workplace. Typically, many of us are brought up to stick to our beliefs and not give in unless absolutely necessary. Well, in your job and career, this narrowly-defined attitude can spell ultimate failure. There was a study that showed that not being able to compromise was one of the top reasons work relationships fail.

For me, compromise does not mean always giving in to the eccentricities or demands of your co-workers – or even your boss. It is finding ways to give a little on both sides to find a common middle, even when the other side does not realize it.

That approved CEO speech I mentioned earlier is a good example of how I used the art of compromise to my fullest advantage. Could I control how he ultimately reacted to the speech? No. Could I control how I reacted to him. Absolutely yes. After the tweaks, and very humbly speaking, the CEO received a standing ovation after his speech, and I received a company award.

At lunch, a senior manager friend recently struck up a conversation with an hourly worker about the new work/life balance plan of the company he was presenting to the entire company the following week in the afternoon. The worker was interested but asked how will it be communicated to his friends on the “grave yard” shift. The manager said they would have to attend the presentation or call-in to the 2 p.m. meeting when all the company executives would be attending.

The worker said presenting info about work/life balance policies is great for those on the right shifts, but the presentation for others – especially on the grave yard shift -might be a burden with families, sleep, etc.

The light bulb went off and the manager added presentations at the times convenient for the shift workers. It meant a bit more time for him but ultimately was seen as very proactive in getting the message successfully out.

The manager compromised – not because of superiors – but because he listened to a typical employee. He could have stuck to his original schedule but he didn’t for the good of employees. It ultimately caused him less stress because he did not have to go back and “fix” something out-of-whack.

What ways you could “compromise” with a superior, co-worker or direct report that might make your day and week go smoother. Not everything needs to go your way, and the skill of compromising in some situations can be seen as a very positive career enhancer and part of your work resilience.

 The workplace point: Sometimes your co-workers or other colleagues are right on about the implementation of a project. I suggest not letting status and (yes) egos get in the way of a great idea.

Adaptability: We have all learned to adapt in our lives one way or another – whether at work or personally. Personally, I’ve had to adapt to a life-long disability known as Cerebral Palsy, which has at least initially affected perceptions of me at work. 

The old saying, “Never judge a book by its cover” definitely applies in my case and possibly many colleagues you deal with every day – possibly you. Sometimes initial perceptions get in the way, which might affect you or your team’s productivity at work. Such unfounded perceptions can cause you stress and may make you pop a few antacids during the day.

I’m now in my 50, but 30 years ago I was a par golfer. Phil Mickelson I was not – although I was a lefty, too. But I sank my share of putts for birdies in my time. The point…

Don’t worry that a person may be of a different generation, different gender, different belief or – like me – a bit different physically.

I suggest leaving all that at the door and judge folks on their work and how they get along with you/others. Sounds easy, but I know perceptions can become reality if you are not careful. 

Very early in my career, a supervisor was so caught up with my disability, he would go down to the lunch room to get me something to eat, never schedule a meeting if it was not a long distance away from my office, etc., etc. He was under the mistaken impression that I could not do normal activities. He later said he thought I was in pain when I walked.

 Disconnect to the max. He assumed something that he never asked me about and adapted much of his free work time “to help me.” Finally, I sat him down and very gently let him know I never need help unless I ask for it.

He was shocked I walked around the State Fair, and lettered in tennis and golf in high school, etc. When I told him this, he was shocked. But it effectively released him from having to adapt a lot of his day to make my work day better. This, of course, was well before the Americans with Disability Act was enacted in 1988.

 The workplace point: My personal example may be on the extreme side, but a resilient mindset partly means you need to be successfully adaptive in your work style with others. I suggest never assuming someone can’t do something or only has a certain skill set without asking or observing the person first.

 Please think about two adaptability and compromise moments at work that relieved your stress in the past, or ones you would have like to have done differently.

Knowing Your Strengths – and Weaknesses. Now let’s talk about how your resilient mindset plays into strengths and, yes, our weaknesses. All of us have tremendous personal and professional strengths – and, of course, a few weaknesses along the way.

As we talk through this section, please think about ways you use your tremendous strengths to be a great person, employee and/or supervisor.

When doing this, then think about the ways your perceived weaknesses sometimes mask the best that you are. As employees, all of us want to feel great about our work and have a sense of accomplishment without feeling like you are gasping for breath or waiting for the next crisis to hit.

While we need to understand our weaknesses, I contend (for our health, happiness and well-being) we should focus on what we do well in at work, instead of always dwelling on the things we don’t do so wonderfully.

It’s definitely easier said than done. I know I could list work weaknesses easier than writing down the same amount of strengths. Studies show that our strength/weakness thought process is just the way our brains are connected and how societal norms prompt us to view ourselves.

In a job, though, I have found my greatest success when I am totally focused on what I do best. I know we don’t always get accolades on your strengths at work. Rather, some corporate cultures rate you more on your possible missteps. 

I m usually a very laid-back consensus-builder type of guy at work, and I am not at my best when I step out of character – being too inflexible and stubborn. I definitely can exhibit all these sometimes-perceived weaknesses but my strength I strive for is being the compassionate, team guy in most work situations 

What type are you at work?

 Knowing my particular strengths have helped successfully stay on the same resilient page. When I was asked to create a layoff communications plan a number of years back that would affect so many of my work friends – and ultimately me -the first draft was not seen as “hard enough” by the executive team. I’m not good at being too hard.

I took the critique by upper management, and used my strengths of adaptability and patience to craft a more direct yet sensitive communications plan that was implemented.

The workplace point: Unless you lack some core skills, I suggest not worrying as much your weaknesses. Spend at least 80 percent of the time demonstrating your strengths to your work world. You’ll feel happier and a lot better of yourself, while showing what you do best. You were hired for your strengths – showing this part of your resilient mindset every day will keep you healthy.

A study has show that workers can improve their strengths by up to 30 percent. If they use the same amount of time to improve their weaknesses, they can only get less than a 10 percent improvement rate. If we have a glaring weakness, that is a different story but…focus on your strengths, my friends.

In Part II of this article next week, I will talk about finding common ground, dealing with work setbacks and enjoying your time at work – where you may spend more than one-third of your years in life. 

Your comments have been very inspiring…thank you! I appreciate linking to my resiliency site – www.resiliencyfirst.com – and I will talk with you again next week about some amazing news!

Photo By:  alibubba

Withstanding Life’s Body Blows Can Be Helped By Examples Of Those Who Have Overcome…

November 8, 2011

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com. Check out my newest resiliency e-books at www.resiliencyfirst.com)

 Some of you may not have heard of Pat Summitt. She is the fantastic, sometimes cantankerous and all-time winningest men or women’s NCAA college basketball coach in history at the University of Tennessee.

What does she have to do with our work or life resilience? Well, it turns out, quite a lot as a potential inspiration to all of us. 

For such a strong figure, I read that Ms. Summitt was feeling almost helpless during parts of the last college basketball season. Months of erratic behavior had left the Tennessee women’s basketball coach bewildered, scared and asking herself, “What’s wrong with me?”

Summitt then went to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN, in May. She underwent a series of tests and received a stunning answer. The diagnosis was early onset dementia, the Alzheimer’s type.

 As all of us withstand our own unique body blows in today’s unrelenting world, I think we need to sometimes step back and realize what terrific folks we are and the good life we are still living today.  

Ms. Summitt is not taking her diagnosis lying down and recently said, “There’s not going to be any pity party and I’ll make sure of that.” Like her, I also don’t think we should dwell and spin on circumstances outside of our control.

In no way am I minimizing the sacrifices of those of us who have been laid off in the Great Recession, or some of you who have lost your house or relationship as you answer the bell for the 15th round.  In many cases, our confidence, self-esteem and appreciation for ourselves have also taken a severe hit as we weather our personal and professional storms.

Ms. Summitt, while probably very scared inside, will not let her medical situation overcome her present day. That should be truly inspiring to us from such a truly inspiring woman. 

In our own worlds, it can be very difficult worrying about confidence or self-esteem as we look toward our next stages in our work/life, or just hang on through the next round of layoffs. While the economic outlook looks brighter these days, I have talked to many friends who do not always appreciate the special person they still are despite circumstances not always within their control.

I’ve been there and done that. Even when my life is going on all cylinders, I still sometimes have challenges with my confidence. Sure, I’ve done nine out of 10 things very well, but what about the one I did not. I can dwell on that one. Instead of building on my “wins,” I wonder why I could not have had one more success.

That’s why Pat Summitt and so many folks like her (maybe even you) serve as a reminder and inspiration to not let those sometimes heart-wrenching obstacles get in the way. I’ve always admired her as a special person who appreciates how she needs to handle very stressful situations as a coach, and now a potentially devastating diagnosis that might make at least a few of us wilt like a spent flower. 

As you may have experienced in your own unique world, thinking about the “one that got away” can consume your thoughts and make you less confident and efficient moving forward. Then, add potential layoffs, underemployment or other life challenges. They can truly play with your mind…

There is one thing I’ve absolutely learned through my layoff in 2009 and then successfully starting my own resiliency speaking/writing business:

One that Ms. Summitt and so many others may have also realized: I cannot forget to take care of myself emotionally and mentally during whatever life or work challenge I am going through. The key I found is you also need to take care of the most important person in your life – YOU! 

Here what I’ve learned:

A Bit of a Stretch: Most of us understand we need to exercise to keep our body and weight within our control. Because of my adapting successfully to my lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), I’ve also learned that a stretching routine each morning helps stop my creaky body from feeling like a rusty door hinge.

What I have found throughout my career and life is I have to treat my mind in somewhat the same way. I had to develop a “stretching routine” that kept me emotionally ready to withstand any challenges of starting a new business and other life bumps along the way.

I developed the SEAC (pronounced SEEK) method, and it has helped me a great deal. SEAC stands for Self-Esteem, Appreciation and Confidence. Each morning, I spend no more than 20 minutes – the same as my exercise routine – to “exercise” my psyche a bit. I find actions I have taken – most likely from the previous day – that help me appreciate myself and how I can seek to maintain my self-esteem and confidence.

SEACing Resilience: Admittedly, some days are harder than others to find those resilient trigger points for any of us. The day Ms. Summitt learned of her onset of dementia was probably mind numbing for her. 

While definitely not as serious, I look at my whole life – not just my professional life – as my opportunity to overcome life obstacles. While SEAC may be more about work, it could be that you had a resilient conversation with your 16-year-old “drama queen” daughter, which can be one of those amazing and wondering things. (I also have one and dealing successfully and resiliently with teenagers is whole separate article for another time.) Or, it could be I was able to help a colleague or friend through his or her own challenging professional or through a personal moment.

My point is you need to find something in your life that keeps showing the terrific person you are known for every day. Ms. Summitt has mentioned over and over again that she will never quit fighting. We cannot, either.

Your actions also tell a resilient story, and SEAC may help show them – understand yourself just a bit better!

Appreciate, Appreciate, Appreciate: A friend of mine forwarded me a memorable quote once from life solutions expert Mary Manin Morrissey that sums up SEAC very well. I also highlighted this in a 2009 resilience piece. It goes:

“Appreciate yourself. The next time someone pays you a compliment, don’t shrug it off or put yourself down. When we push away acknowledgment of our divine selves, we can’t amplify the good that is trying to move through our lives. We can be humble and still accept praise. Accept that others are seeing the true being within you. Take pleasure that others recognize your true identity. And give the gift of a compliment to someone else.”

Next time you want to stay in bed because of challenging times, your son/daughter has one of those teenage moments, you forgot to say “I Love You” to your spouse, or you don’t see the goodness of you, please do one thing for me – and, most importantly, you:

SEAC ways to remember your resilient spirit, how your special talents make a difference to you and so many others, and how inspiring folks like Pat Summitt can give us a bit more of humility and grace as we seek our very bright resilient future.

Please look for a very big resilient announcement next week on my award-nominated web site – www.resiliencyfirst.com. Stayed tuned, and I have truly appreciated you are one of more than 3 million folks worldwide who have visited my site since 2009! More to come…

Photo By: azo in the flickr

Finding Ways To Overcome Mistakes Requires Not Letting Them Consume Us

November 1, 2011

By Steve Beseke, Doctor of Life Resiliency, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com (Please take a look at my new resiliency e-books at www.resiliencyfirst.com)

As nearly all of us have found in our own unique orbits, life and work mistakes can have profound effects on our family and the fabric of who we are as a person. A gifted colleague of mine pointed out recently that each of us makes 10s of thousands of routine and complex decisions each day. Even if we make mistakes or misjudgments on as little as 1 percent of these thoughts, we can rack up 100s of small or more significant mistakes on a daily basis. 

When I first heard these numbers, I was simply astounded and a bit of intimidated by the volume. As I thought about them further, though, I realized mistakes our inevitable no matter if you are a CEO of one of the top Fortune 500 companies orr someone like you and me.

 You probably crossed the finish line on this before me, but I finally realized: Whether we make mistakes large or small, it is how react to them through our resiliency, adaptability, honesty and integrity that will help us move forward successfully in our lives and/or careers.

Circumstances Should Not Consume Us

While I have a very wonderful 27+-year marriage, we’ve definitely made our share of mistakes along the way. But we’ve worked through them, moved forward and have not allowed any to stop us from enjoying life.

You have probably been in the same type of circumstance in one way or another. Mistakes are inevitable, but it is truly digging deep to use our personal brand and having a heart-to-heart with ourselves that will allow us to minimize any damage in our personal lives – or at work.

Many of us, for example, have gone through layoff challenges in this perfect storm economy – or have been over-burdened at work because of extra duties added with valued colleagues being let go.

Should we feel down at least momentarily? Of course. Should we lose our confidence for the moment because of very challenging circumstances coming to our doors? While I hope not, we are only human.

Mistakes happen to all of us. Too often, though, we misidentify them as our mistakes when we did not have as much control over the situations as originally thought. This happens a lot when there are extraordinary stressful times at work.

 Does this mean you are any less of a person, or your top-notch skills have diminished? Not… 

I made the mistake of blaming myself after my layoff 2+ years ago – even though being told I was one of the top performers at my company. More than 90 percent were ultimately laid off because of the worsening economy…I did not have as much control as I thought despite, humbly, my rock star performance.

Whether it is a layoff, not reaching the profit margin the Board of Directors expect or rarely being able to have a meaningful conversation with your 16-year-old “drama queen” daughter. Sometimes all of us make the mistake of beginning to doubt ourselves and the skills that have made us so successful at work and in life.

I also made a mistake after the lay off of thinking I just had one course of action to try to find the same type corporate communications executive position I’ve always been successful in the past.

My biggest mistake, however, was letting such circumstances consume me without seeing the true skills and potential I had in this “new” economy.  

How are you reacting to your own unique life circumstances? 

You also may have experienced this, but I did a lot of soul-searching after I figured out the types of jobs I was accustomed to were just not there – or at least not readily available – anymore.

I Did Not See My Life Gifts or the Broad Picture…

Do you see your true gifts and talents? Most of us make the mistake of seeing what is “inside the box” and only going for the easier low-hanging fruits of life.

I was there after the lay off. So where was I going to go and what were my next options. To be honest, I just did not know at first. Should I continue down the same employment path as before or should I do something else?

What if I make a mistake?

Well, what I decided is an example that I suggest you consider as you move down your unique career and life journey – whether you are employed or in transition.

I moved outside the box quite dramatically. 

I did not make the mistake to continue rehashing the past. As you should whether employed or not, I looked extremely hard at my personal brand and what I truly loved to do in life. I want to retire some day in Hawaii, but that is not going to happen any time soon. 

So how should I use my many talents in life to continue being reasonably successful in my work – and, most of all, happy?  

How are you doing?

After a lot of reflection, I decided to use my gifts as a writer and speaker to help others (like you) with the shared desire to have a happy life/work and very resilient future. But how could I do this? 

For my health, I started to write this blog to keep my writing talents sharp and my skills in talking with people fine-tuned.  I did not think many would read it, but…

It was a God-send and a true revelation…my common-sense resiliency strategies hit the right cord with individuals and corporations. I used my personal work resiliency moments and life challenges as a person with a lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) to help provide – as so many of you have appreciated worldwide – real life vignettes showing how all of us can stay resilient.

Resilient strategies (like adaptability, perseverance, persistence and patience) that you can use every day to make your world more rewarding and just a bit less stressful…

While I now have more than 3 million viewers worldwide who have visited my much more enhanced web site (www.resiliencyfirst.com) and spoken to more than 100 groups, the point is I needed to re-invent the way I thought about myself leading me to a very resilient mindset.

How do you think about yourself? Low-hanging fruit or something more inspired…

I didn’t make the mistake to only see me for what I was professionally for nearly 30 years, I stretched myself to the point my resiliency business is on the edge of something very humbly big.

This has helped me maintain my confidence, stay persistent and be truly patient as I keep finding ways to spread the resiliency message to (very, very humbly) millions of great folks like you.

If you’d like me to talk with your corporation or group, please contact me at beseke1@earthlink.net 0r 651-341-9826.

Never Limit Yourself 

The additional point: Please never limit yourself or let any mistake make you spin to where you begin to not see your true potential – not only at work but in life. 

If I would have stayed the typical course, I may still be out of work with much reduced confidence and a sense of diminishing hope. Now, I have a resiliency business that is so gratefully taking off. Despite my perceived layoff mistakes a couple years ago, I looked at what I absolutely wanted to do in life and developed a plan to get me there.

So, if you have made life or career mistakes or are facing other significant challenges, I suggest you never give up believing in yourself, your resilient attitude or the rock-solid values you live by everyday.

While I personally went through my “black hole” after the very agonizing layoff, I found the resilient formula to be happy and healthy in my life and career. You can, too.

Understanding your personal brand and confidently going where you want to be. I know you can have even more success than me if you only believe and find ways to move forward from your life or work mistakes. 

I will talk with you next week, and I hope you are staying resilient despite the possible missteps and challenges all of us inevitably face. Again, please take a look at my work and life resiliency e-books at www.resiliencyfirst.com.

Stat resilient, my friends!