By Steve Beseke, Associate and Doctor of Life Resiliency, Lennick Aberman Group. (Check out my newest resiliency e-books at www.resiliencyfirst.com.)
Seeing ourselves as resilient, or simply spinning and waiting for the next crisis to hit depends on how we see our world. That’s why managing our emotions – whether at work or in our personal lives – are the key determinants to our happiness, confidence and ultimate success in life as we want it defined. Our unique resilient mindsets play an extremely important role in how we handle such emotions in times of crisis or pleasure.
As I launch my third work and life resiliency e-book called, “Liking Yourself and Being Happy Even When Your Boss or Spouse Gives You That Chilling Stare,” I wanted to share the second part of my “Resilient Mindset” series for work and life. This time I talk about finding common ground, dealing with setbacks and not worrying unnecessarily about worries out of our 100 percent control.
I heard someone recently highlight that a majority of our daily thoughts focus on our challenges and difficulties. Can you just imagine focusing more on making the good points of our lives even better?
No, I am not talking about being Pollyanna-ish about things. Just to keep things in perspective and use your resilience to get you through those challenging work and life moment all of us encounter. No matter if you are a CEO of a Fortune 500 company or a person like me.
No strategy works every time, and I’ve suffered my share of setbacks along the way – as I mention further down in the article. It’s, however, how I’ve successfully dusted myself off that has helped me keep the resilient mindset through my nearly 30-year corporate communications executive role and now as an international speaker/writer on resiliency and anti-bullying executive.
How about you? After reading through this article, I suggest thinking about your approach at work and determine if you should change or enhance your resilient mindset. Thinking through this mindset might save you a lot of unneeded stress and work as you navigate through your career.
I discussed a number of work mindset issues in my first article last week – compromise, adaptability and knowing your strengths. I continue with understanding the need to give a little – on both sides…
Finding Common Ground: Sounds easy, doesn’t it? I mean your work team should have common goals and practices to implement what needs to get done. In my opinion, finding common ground is ultimately the most important aspect of having a successful team and working relationships – whether it is with your boss, colleagues or direct reports.
To me, I define common ground as every team member being – at least generally – the same page with the company’s vision and values. Do your reports know what the goals of a project or company are? Do you? Does your supervisor? Any of these trigger points can break down the sense of accomplishment all of us need to feel to be happy and successful and continue to have the resilient mindset at work.
This sometimes takes a team and even a corporate culture shift where more necessary information is given out to keep folks from jumping to their own conclusions at work. This “jump” can lead to lost productivity, rumors and increased stress levels for you and your team.
A layoff communications plan I developed a number of years ago is a great example. Before I had a chance to even write it, I had to convince superiors to be upfront to employees for the challenging going on at the company. They initially did not want any extra communications fearing employees would get too nervous. I won the “more is better” argument by showing them the failing of other companies that decided to keep information close to the vest.
Going that extra step to communicate just a bit more can ultimately increase team understanding, your specific resiliency and cause you less stress in the long-term. While layoffs happened, the company received very little criticism for not letting employees know what was going on. I found common ground for the employee and company’s benefit.
You probably have much better common ground examples in your work careers. After reading this article, I suggest spending the next few minutes thinking about ways you could further promote common ground in your immediate and extended teams. Try to implement at least one of these strategies in the next week or month at work. You’ll be happier, more productive and resilient.
As all of you know, our work resiliency is being tested these days. One interesting statistic from a recent national survey:
- More than 50 percent of employees across the country are finding their workload has increased by as much as 75 percent in the last 18 months.
During these stormy economic days, many of us are just trying to keep our heads down and grind through the workday waiting for a better and resilient tomorrow.
I read an article recently about a couple of resilient strategies to ease our job worries. They have worked for me and may help you continue having a resilient mindset. They are:
- The surprising cure for job stress: Schedule one more weekly work meeting and communicate with your supervisor. The current daily avalanche of headlines about layoffs can give even rock-solid employees like you job jitters.
You can’t change what researchers call the “collective uncertainty about the future,” but you can book a meeting with your supervisor to discuss the company’s goals and define your role in achieving them. Research shows that clearly defined goals make workers happier and healthier.
- Then, begin exercising on a routine basis. You see, those who exercise perform better at work than sedentary people. One study looked at people under extreme stress and time constraints. It was clear those who took the time away from work to exercise regularly – even just 20 minutes a day – were better at attaining personal satisfaction, and significant improved their work productivity and resilience.
Why does that work? Even though I have a physical disability, I try to exercise at least 20 minutes a day – or about the same amount of time going your local coffee shop and buying a large cappuccino…
I am definitely not a preacher, but studies show physically active people process data faster, and they’re more likely to have less work stress or to handle it better than chair-bound types. Workouts help your mind relax, so it’s a better incubator for new ideas and solutions – at work and in life. As one study subject said, “Running gives me a body that performs better at everything that I must do during the day.”
Even if your job is secure, why pass up the chance to be at the top of your game all day long?
So, in the next week, just try three things for your resilient, emotional and physical health:
1) Schedule a meeting with your supervisor and discuss priorities during these hard times.
2) Exercise at least 20 minutes every-other-day.
3) Smile as often as you can.
I virtually guarantee you will see very positive resilient mindset results helping your stress levels at work and in all facets of your life.
Setbacks:
No matter how successful or resilient we become in life, all of us must deal with life and career setbacks – great and small. Examples might include losing a job, ending a long-term personal relationship, losing a loved one, or being shut down by your boss after presenting “the next greatest idea” at work.
We cannot get around it: Sooner or later all of us will face an opportunity that tests our personal and professional resiliency. To successfully adapt to such “setback moments,” I have learned we must show some patience and understanding – in ourselves.
I mentioned my life-long physical disability a little earlier. A couple years ago, I woke up in an emergency room. I had fallen and smacked my head on an unforgiving marble floor at a work conference. My head did not like it at all. As I regained my composure and was taken to the hospital, my first thought was to again blame my “setback” of having a physical disability.
Then, my little resiliency inner voice – that all of us have – took over as I was recovering with a couple of my valued work colleagues at my side. It reminded me that my entirely life and career has been about resiliency and adapting to circumstances sometimes out of my control – at work and in life I knew this in the emergency room: I was not going to let my disability stop me from my independence of walking and living life however I saw fit.
After a few tests, the doctors said I was O.K. to go home. I was fortunate that my life and public profile was not affected except for a few short-term bruises.
I don’t highlight my particular life example to tap into your empathy. I tell you this little life vignette to highlight that we all are dealt certain cards in work and in life. The key I have found to transition me very successfully through such personal and work challenges is my resiliency and adaptability to get past any of these life bumps – no matter how significant.
Whatever you work or life setbacks, I suggest using your resilient mindset to overcome the obstacles that you may think are unachievable.
But right now: If you are going through a work setback right now – large or small – I’d suggest you think about the following grief stages and face what I did. When you shed all the layers away, I found that life is very special and we cannot worry about things out of your control.
Here are Dr. Kubler-Ross’ grief stages that have helped me recover my confidence my confidence and resiliency at certain points in my life and career.
They are:
- Denial (this isn’t happening to me!)
- Anger (why is this happening to me?)
- Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)
- Depression (I don’t care anymore)
- Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)
As I’ve mentioned before, our work life is full of ups and downs. How we react to work (and life) challenges will determine the scope – and for how long – it will take to recover. Once I realized this and faced up to the grief stages, I recovered faster from my personal physical setback that happened to me at work with the fall.
Now it is your turn. Please use my lesson the next time the door shuts for you – or you have your own work/life setbacks.
Additionally, other resilient important techniques to help stop you from grasping for breathe or waiting for the next crisis to hit is:
Stop worrying about things out of your control… To stay happy, productive and in the present at work, one thing all of us should manage more carefully is our expectations about controlling situations.
Do you have ultimate control over how your supervisor reacts a project you’ve completed. Can you control how your reports manage their time. Do you have control how you react to these two situations. The answer to the first two questions is probably “not ultimate control. But you should be able to answer the third question with an unequivocal “yes.,” if you use your resilient mindset
As I mentioned earlier, all of us as managers/employees want to feel great about our work and have a sense of accomplishment without feeling like you are gasping for breath or waiting for the next crisis to hit.
But many times we derail our sense of accomplishment because we worry about the events out of our control. For me, there are only three things you can totally control in your work or personal lives.
That is, our attitude, values and how we relate to people. How am thinking about myself, my work, my life, my family and my friends… As managers/employees, part of our role is to be in control of situations.
But you need to understand that nearly 95 percent of the projects or people you work with are only partially controllable by you. So you need to understand those areas that you can control and don’t get worked up about the things you can’t.
A CEO speech I wrote awhile back is a good example. Well, just a day earlier, he loved the draft and did not want anything changed. But then, as if I were in the Twilight Zone, a few hours later, he wanted a different focus. Could I control his change of opinion…no! But I could control how I reacted to him, and how I re-crafted the speech. If I let the “process” consume me, I could have never wrote what turned out to be an award-nominated speech. In the final analysis, there is not much in our control except your attitude.
The point is: If you let your attitude slip, life and work can really spiral downwards.
For reflection, please take a few moments and write down a recent time where you worried about things at work out of your true control. How did it affect your attitude, your day, and your productivity in the short term? I’d love for you’ll to share an example from a past job on my web site?
How is your attitude affecting you today at work? How is it affecting your colleagues and reports? What is your style in relating to folks at work? Should you be more adaptive, compromising or trying to find more common ground?
I’d also suggest thinking for a couple minutes about how you can take charge of your attitude even with the real control challenges many of us have day-to-day.
For me, not dwelling on the things I can’t control has made a tremendous different in my attitude and how I relate to people. One more short vignette:
Early in my career, a mentor counseled me that your attitude is one of the most important things people remember and can cause you the most stress on an every day basis – if you do not stay in control of it.
I’ve talked a lot about my three Ps of resilience in previous articles and presentations and how they relate to your overall resilient mindset. But the three Ps – perseverance, persistence and patience – will help you stay in control even in highly-stressful situations
Perseverance
What can any of us do to reduce work stress? Your performance is great but your company is asking more of you but offering less resources.
Persevere, again, means understanding what you can control and understanding what you do best…
Now, many of you are employed and thank goodness. I wasn’t so lucky a few years back. After I was laid off from by dream job because of the economy, I looked at what was in my control and use my resilient mindset
This is when, while searching for a full-time gig, I developed a personal business plan I looked hard at my personal brand very hard and truly had a heart-to-heart with myself about what I wanted to do for the rest of my career.
Well, this perseverance led me to resiliency, an award-nominated web site and establishing a business where I write worldwide, speak at corporations/organizations, develop resiliency materials for those in need and stay healthy in my day-to-day activities. It’s been a true blessing…
The lesson I learned – and one you should think about – is don’t pity yourself because you have had a professional setback at work. Look at yourself hard and determine what makes you happy in your job.
Write those down and look at them once in awhile as you come out of your boss’s office perplexed on the decision that was made. If those statements still hold true, you are still on the right course. If not, you should look at how your reactions and decisions will allow you to persevere and maintain “work/life happiness” as you see it.
Don’t just settle because then you may be going through the same challenges in future times. Persevere and understand the fantastic skills and qualities you offer everyday!
Persistence
That great idea you’ve had that no one seems to hear or understand. It could have the company thousands of dollars, or make employees understand the company better. But no one seems to listen and your idea floats in oblivion. And you just don’t have enough energy or will to pursue it any longer. Been there, done that.
But just think about… those innovators throughout history, such as Edison, Ford and Gates. Thomas Edison had more than 20 detailed experiment fails before the light bulb clicked on. Henry Ford failed at a number of businesses until he got married to the Model T. Bill Gates, in an article I read, said high school classmates saw him as the ultimate geek.
Look at where persistence got them…
That’s why I think understanding and believing in your personal brand is absolutely a key to your future success. When I first re-crafted my “brand,” I thought I’d never come up with something that was truly me. But I persisted and gave myself enough time where I did not feel pressured to write something in five minutes. I persisted and diligently wrote down all my strengths and the types of work I like to do. I also did the same with my weaknesses and the activities I don’t like to do.
This gave my a framework where I was able to write down “my future.” It was not easy and it took significant time but I got it done and now I understand what I want to do for the last 15 years of my career. My persistence led to talking about resiliency and opening up about my disability experiences. Most of all, it gave me the inner confidence to offer my common-sense messages to assist you and other great folks worldwide.
Being persistent can be magical…
Patience
You’ve just been laid off and wonder where the money will come from to pay the bills, keep your house and pay for your son’s birthday party coming up soon. In these circumstances, being patient to find your next great job is very hard. I’ve had my tough times and my friends have been there. There’s nothing fun about it and you just want to hurry to find a job that pays for life – - or find a better job that fits with your life.
For me, I found that I needed to step back for a moment and don’t hurry into something that I may regret. I was a senior marketer at Medtronic, had a lot of responsibility and made a lot of money. But I did not like the job.
At least for the short term, I stayed patient and tried to understand what my next step should be. I ultimately moved back into my corporate passion – directing corporate communications – but I used my resilient mindset to stay patient. You can, too, by applying this mindset to your work or life circumstances.
Simply: All of us can react wonderfully to favorable times in our lives. Our true grit is shown in how we deal with the professional and personal challenges all of us sometimes face. I suggest you think of the three Ps the next time you face one of those possible life-changing events in your life. Please don’t stay knocked down for long…see your true and fabulous resilient potential.
What else is a part of your mindset?
Control: What life and career actions are totally within your control? For me, being called a work “rock star” and “essential” gave me some belief that I could ride out the layoff wave in 2008. Yet, I was still laid off. Nearly all of us think we are in control of more things than we are.
My mother has worked at the same company for nearly 65 years. She is a beloved institution at her company and continues to thrive every day.
The rest of us can expect 10 jobs over our career – not because we like to move around or our performance is deficient. The great company you work for today may not be in control of their fate tomorrow.
So, why worry about things out of your control? A psychologist I had coffee with told me “it’s being human.” Sounds justifiable in the abstract, but that does not pay the mortgage, keep your solid relationships intact, or make you feel a whole lot better.
Next time you have a low-confidence moment, just think about the three life actions totally within your control – your attitude, your values and how you interact with people. Find ways to use these three to see what is important for your life – your family, your friends and yourself.
In upcoming weeks, I will suggest further ways we can tap into our resilient mindsets. Mindsets that can allow us to enjoy more at work and in life!
I look forward to our continued conversation next week, and please take a look at my newest resiliency e-books on www.resiliencyfirst.com.
Photo By: Evil Erin