By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com, sbeseke@lennickaberman.com (Please take a look at my new resiliency e-books at www.resiliencyfirst.com)
Our attitudes about ourselves can mean the difference between being resiliently successful or staying in the “spinning mode” after you take a fall literally and figuratively at work/life.
Sounds like something your mother would say. Well, it probably was – and is. My mother, who is in her 80s, thinks and acts like someone in mid-life. And guess what? She is seen and acts like someone 40 years younger. I, then, know someone who is in her late 40s who thinks and acts like a person much older who thinks that there are not too many good days left.
Now, we all have our inevitable challenges and there are some days this 50 something feels like 80 – and sometimes 35. The difference, which is still being drilled into me by my dear mother and lovely wife, is that I should worry less about things out of my total control. My physical disability is a good example of how my resilient attitude can keep me grounded.
So, why do we doubt ourselves? Why do we let setbacks overly influence our future actions? Why do we let other people sometimes ruin our day? Why is it sometimes hard to dust ourselves off and get back in the game?
Well, for one thing, we are definitely not androids. Our confidence in ourselves sometimes wavers no matter if we are the most successful CEO in the world, or someone looking for their next great work adventure.
But, more succinctly, all of us have hopes, dreams and expectations for ourselves that are met many times in life. But then there are those moments you throw up your hands and wonder why…
More than not, our true resilient spirit depends on how we react to those few significant wavering moments allowing us to feel good about ourselves even during the most challenging moments. That is, our how are we “managing” our attitude…
A few examples I have mentioned in my talks and previous articles:
- You are about to close on this multi-million dollar account cementing your increased status at company XYZ. A friend finished a fantastic job interview that could not have gone any better that day. Another friend just completed a month-long work assignment feeling confident and refreshed. The three of you stop at the local pub and have a cool one to share the moment.
- You meet the next day with the client ready to sign the deal but unexpected complications come up possibly jeopardizing what you’ve worked so hard for.
- Your friend meets with his supervisors but doesn’t get the terrific response he thought about the project he just completed. He comes out of the meeting a bit mystified that a project potentially saving the company a lot of money was treated matter-of-factly
- Your other friend waits for the company to call for the next interview, which it said for sure would happen in a couple of days. She write a very gracious “thank you” e-mail to the interviewers but nothing happens that day…the next day…or three weeks out even after politely e-mailing them a second time for an update. Then, finally, they called back and said another candidate was a “better fit.” Her world comes crashing down…at least for the moment.
- Or, more personally for me recently, I had a couple bad falls where I could have let my attitude about myself and future go in the tank. But I kept believing and having a resilient attitude despite being paralyzed for a few minutes after snapping my head back falling into something. I got all my faculties back after a few minutes where my body went into shock. But it was my attitude that has allowed me to dust off and move forward.
At the office, most of us believe that – if we work hard enough – we are ultimately in control of our own fate. Partially, this is, of course, true. Hard work, determination, grit and adaptability will allow all of us to go far in our careers and lives.
It, however, is our attitude and resilience in those “not so great” moments in work and life that separates those who continue finding paths through the avalanche-ridden mountain passes of life.
So, the next time life/work does not treat you quite right, focus on your attitude to get your ship floating again. You’ll find, as I did, that you will stay more in control and be able to better manage your expectations just a bit better.
Sometimes mothers are right.:)
Please stay strong my friends. Until next time, take care!
Photo By: syiqi