By Steve Beseke, Consultant and Doctor of Life Resiliency at Lennick Aberman Group. (Check out my new work/life resiliency e-books at www.resiliencyfirst.com)
Having a resilient plan to determine “What’s Next” in your life and career is doubly important these days as our world continues recovering from the economic recession of the last three years.
But looking at “What’s Next” should not be confined only to our challenging moments as an employee, co-worker, supervisor, parent or friend. More importantly, it should be focused on ourselves.
In good times, it is really easy to say we can adapt to nearly all future situations. We are running on all cylinders as we recently signed the deal with three new worldwide clients. That we are flying high after our spouses received a special surprise gift from us they loved. Or, we look in the mirror on a particular day and simply say to ourselves, “life is truly a blessing and I am making a valued difference in this world.”
In my 30+ year working career and 52-year life, I’ve humbly had countless successes and wonderful times like these. Like you, it’s not hard to hope such moments will keep on coming if we see ourselves as a person of character, and a very terrific and diligent parent or worker…
Then, a few not-so-terrific life issues happen, and our self-confidence becomes shaken. And even more serious ones rear their ugly head. You wonder: Will there be truly good times again and really what is next?
We may not get that deserved raise. Or, we were laid off because our companies are downsizing. Or, possibly, we can’t seem to have a meaningful conversation with our teenagers…join the club.:) Or, most seriously, our health takes a turn for the worse and we don’t know if life will ever be the same again.
I’ve been facing the last one recently with the effects of my physical disability going nuts. Falling nearly 10 times in the last month causing paralysis for a short time, stitches, bruises and a lot of scary “What’s Next” moments has got my attention.
While my self-confidence went into the tank for a short time, I found something inside myself that all of us should take to heart the next time life seemingly gets in the way.
I’m sure you’ve been there in some way…
I gathered myself and seriously asked, “What Do I Truly Want”? How was I going to get through such – for me – mountainous obstacles to get back to as close to “Steve normal” as possible? Then, a light bulb switched on: I started not to worry so much about what was but plans on what could be.
After talking with my doctors, family and friends, I developed/aligned a personal life plan going forward, looked at my personal brand very hard and thought about what Ghandi called “the change we want to make.”
Or, as my partners and good friends at Lennick Aberman Group, more succinctly highlight in the 4 Rs of behavior in life and at work:
► Recognize
► Reflect
► Reframe
► Respond
You can use this model in all your work or life challenges to figure out the best next steps for you. Check on our web site – www.lennickaberman.com – to see more about behavioral advice, emotional intelligence, moral intelligence, resiliency and much more.
Recognize: With my health, I had to recognize the resiliency and adaptability strategies I’ve always used to be very successful and happy in my life and work were not cutting it fully anymore. I had to find ways – more commitment to a cane and electric scooter, listening to doctors about possible surgeries, etc., which will enable me to stay in more control of my “What’s Next.”
Too often, each of us don’t give ourselves the opportunity to recognize what is really going on and our options in different situations. We are just too mad at others, ourselves or the world to recognize the next important steps to successfully move us past the bumps in our personal or professional roads.
Reflect: No matter how serious, reflect on the entire “event” and understand you can’t change the past. For me, it’s how I react to those less-than-perfect moments (like falling) that ultimately will determine my fate and self-confidence.
Reflecting doesn’t necessarily mean thinking that you could have done anything differently to change what’s happened – whether it is a mistake at work or a personal life challenge. My disability, for example, has its own mind. It’s what I do from this moment that will keep me walking well into my elderly years.
Reframe: I don’t look at this fairly serious health setback as only a negative. I have reframed the situation, and learned so much about myself and others as I stay patient with the recovery.
If you have one of those days, weeks or years, I suggest not relying on what others can do or “owe you.” Reframe to ask what you can do for yourself – not matter how challenging.
Responding: There are a lot of typical ways society has taught us on how to respond to good times and not. If something goes well, we of course should be humble and gracious. If something goes awry, we should be seen as “rolling up our sleeves” to overcome the obstacles.
While life and work are rarely that clear cut, I have responded to my health issues as Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ grief model stages – Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
My acceptance, as you should think about the next time life/work grief appears on your doorstop, was about responding in the most productive way to move my health in a very resiliently positive direction That is, find the best solutions to “What’s Next” and never give up no matter the situation.
How will you respond to your next “true” crisis or challenge? I hope you will follow my example and the four Rs of our behavior to overcome and maintain your confidence for the long haul.
As I did with my next steps, you definitely owe it to yourself…and your self-confidence.
Thanks, again, so much for being one of the millions worldwide who have visited my site – www.resiliencyfirst.com since 2009. Please take a look at my new work/life resiliency e-books for additional ways to overcome and be confident.
Photo By: dewittrobinson