Seeing a child’s smile creates as much pleasure as 2,000 chocolate bars—or $25,000 in cash. That was the finding of a British study by Hewlett Packard, using an electromagnetic brain scan machine and heart rate monitor to measure “the mood-boosting value” of various stimuli. 



The study found seeing a loved one’s smile was worth 600 chocolate treats or about $13,000. The lesson: Show some teeth and you’ll be much happier.:)

My newest resiliency e-books will also bring a smile to your face. Please check them out at my web site – www.resiliencyfirst.com.

Photo By:  by carf.

I’ve been working through some unexpected physical challenges in the last few days and won’t be writing a new column this week. Everything is cool and my life is on the resilient mend.:) 

I will be writing a Happy Holidays piece next week and want to leave you with a quote to ponder:

“It’s not that we can avoid life challenges and mistakes. They sometimes spring up unexpectedly when we least expect. It is how we react and successfully get through them that shows our true spirit, character and grit,” Steve Beseke.

As all of us grind to find those last holiday gifts, please remember the smiling faces when the packages are opened. All your efforts will then be rewarded many times over…

Please, again, check out my newest resiliency e-book, “Liking Yourself and Being Happy Even When Your Boss or Spouse Gives You That Chilling Stare,” at my award-nominated web site – www.resiliencyfirst.com.

Photo By: lisaluvz.

Seeing ourselves as resilient, or simply spinning and waiting for the next crisis to hit depends on how we see our world. That’s why managing our emotions – whether at work or in our personal lives – are the key determinants to our happiness, confidence and ultimate success in life as we want it defined. Our unique resilient mindsets play an extremely important role in how we handle such emotions in times of crisis or pleasure. 

As I launch my third work and life resiliency e-book called, “Liking Yourself and Being Happy Even When Your Boss or Spouse Gives You That Chilling Stare,” I wanted to share the second part of my “Resilient Mindset” series for work and life. This time I talk about finding common ground, dealing with setbacks and not worrying unnecessarily about worries out of our 100 percent control.

I heard someone recently highlight that a majority of our daily thoughts focus on our challenges and difficulties. Can you just imagine focusing more on making the good points of our lives even better?

No, I am not talking about being Pollyanna-ish about things. Just to keep things in perspective and use your resilience to get you through those challenging work and life moment all of us encounter. No matter if you are a CEO of a Fortune 500 company or a person like me.

No strategy works every time, and I’ve suffered my share of setbacks along the way – as I mention further down in the article. It’s, however, how I’ve successfully dusted myself off that has helped me keep the resilient mindset through my nearly 30-year corporate communications executive role and now as an international speaker/writer on resiliency and anti-bullying executive.

How about you? After reading through this article, I suggest thinking about your approach at work and determine if you should change or enhance your resilient mindset. Thinking through this mindset might save you a lot of unneeded stress and work as you navigate through your career.

I discussed a number of work mindset issues in my first article last week – compromise, adaptability and knowing your strengths. I continue with understanding the need to give a little – on both sides…

Finding Common Ground: Sounds easy, doesn’t it? I mean your work team should have common goals and practices to implement what needs to get done. In my opinion, finding common ground is ultimately the most important aspect of having a successful team and working relationships – whether it is with your boss, colleagues or direct reports.

To me, I define common ground as every team member being – at least generally – the same page with the company’s vision and values. Do your reports know what the goals of a project or company are? Do you? Does your supervisor? Any of these trigger points can break down the sense of accomplishment all of us need to feel to be happy and successful and continue to have the resilient mindset at work.

This sometimes takes a team and even a corporate culture shift where more necessary information is given out to keep folks from jumping to their own conclusions at work. This “jump” can lead to lost productivity, rumors and increased stress levels for you and your team.

A layoff communications plan I developed a number of years ago is a great example. Before I had a chance to even write it, I had to convince superiors to be upfront to employees for the challenging going on at the company. They initially did not want any extra communications fearing employees would get too nervous. I won the “more is better” argument by showing them the failing of other companies that decided to keep information close to the vest.

Going that extra step to communicate just a bit more can ultimately increase team understanding, your specific resiliency and cause you less stress in the long-term. While layoffs happened, the company received very little criticism for not letting employees know what was going on. I found common ground for the employee and company’s benefit.

You probably have much better common ground examples in your work careers. After reading this article, I suggest spending the next few minutes thinking about ways you could further promote common ground in your immediate and extended teams. Try to implement at least one of these strategies in the next week or month at work. You’ll be happier, more productive and resilient. 

As all of you know, our work resiliency is being tested these days. One interesting statistic from a recent national survey:

- More than 50 percent of employees across the country are finding their workload has increased by as much as 75 percent in the last 18 months.

During these stormy economic days, many of us are just trying to keep our heads down and grind through the workday waiting for a better and resilient tomorrow.

I read an article recently about a couple of resilient strategies to ease our job worries. They have worked for me and may help you continue having a resilient mindset. They are:

- The surprising cure for job stress: Schedule one more weekly work meeting and communicate with your supervisor. The current daily avalanche of headlines about layoffs can give even rock-solid employees like you job jitters. 

You can’t change what researchers call the “collective uncertainty about the future,” but you can book a meeting with your supervisor to discuss the company’s goals and define your role in achieving them. Research shows that clearly defined goals make workers happier and healthier.

- Then, begin exercising on a routine basis. You see, those who exercise perform better at work than sedentary people. One study looked at people under extreme stress and time constraints. It was clear those who took the time away from work to exercise regularly  – even just 20 minutes a day – were better at attaining personal satisfaction, and significant improved their work productivity and resilience.

Why does that work? Even though I have a physical disability, I try to exercise at least 20 minutes a day – or about the same amount of time going your local coffee shop and buying a large cappuccino…

I am definitely not a preacher, but studies show physically active people process data faster, and they’re more likely to have less work stress or to handle it better than chair-bound types. Workouts help your mind relax, so it’s a better incubator for new ideas and solutions – at work and in life. As one study subject said, “Running gives me a body that performs better at everything that I must do during the day.”

Even if your job is secure, why pass up the chance to be at the top of your game all day long?

So, in the next week, just try three things for your resilient, emotional and physical health:

1) Schedule a meeting with your supervisor and discuss priorities during these hard times.

2) Exercise at least 20 minutes every-other-day. 

3) Smile as often as you can.

I virtually guarantee you will see very positive resilient mindset results helping your stress levels at work and in all facets of your life.

Setbacks:

No matter how successful or resilient we become in life, all of us must deal with life and career setbacks – great and small. Examples might include losing a job, ending a long-term personal relationship, losing a loved one, or being shut down by your boss after presenting “the next greatest idea” at work.

We cannot get around it: Sooner or later all of us will face an opportunity that tests our personal and professional resiliency. To successfully adapt to such “setback moments,” I have learned we must show some patience and understanding – in ourselves.

I mentioned my life-long physical disability a little earlier. A couple years ago, I woke up in an emergency room. I had fallen and smacked my head on an unforgiving marble floor at a work conference. My head did not like it at all. As I regained my composure and was taken to the hospital, my first thought was to again blame my “setback” of having a physical disability.

Then, my little resiliency inner voice – that all of us have – took over as I was recovering with a couple of my valued work colleagues at my side. It reminded me that my entirely life and career has been about resiliency and adapting to circumstances sometimes out of my control – at work and in life I knew this in the emergency room: I was not going to let my disability stop me from my independence of walking and living life however I saw fit.

After a few tests, the doctors said I was O.K. to go home. I was fortunate that my life and public profile was not affected except for a few short-term bruises. 

I don’t highlight my particular life example to tap into your empathy. I tell you this little life vignette to highlight that we all are dealt certain cards in work and in life. The key I have found to transition me very successfully through such personal and work challenges is my resiliency and adaptability to get past any of these life bumps – no matter how significant.

Whatever you work or life setbacks, I suggest using your resilient mindset to overcome the obstacles that you may think are unachievable.

But right now: If you are going through a work setback right now – large or small – I’d suggest you think about the following grief stages and face what I did. When you shed all the layers away, I found that life is very special and we cannot worry about things out of your control.

Here are Dr. Kubler-Ross’ grief stages that have helped me recover my confidence my confidence and resiliency at certain points in my life and career. 

They are:

- Denial (this isn’t happening to me!) 

- Anger (why is this happening to me?)

- Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)

 - Depression (I don’t care anymore)

 - Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)

As I’ve mentioned before, our work life is full of ups and downs. How we react to work (and life) challenges will determine the scope – and for how long – it will take to recover. Once I realized this and faced up to the grief stages, I recovered faster from my personal physical setback that happened to me at work with the fall.

Now it is your turn. Please use my lesson the next time the door shuts for you – or you have your own work/life setbacks.

Additionally, other resilient important techniques to help stop you from grasping for breathe or waiting for the next crisis to hit is:

Stop worrying about things out of your control… To stay happy, productive and in the present at work, one thing all of us should manage more carefully is our expectations about controlling situations.

Do you have ultimate control over how your supervisor reacts a project you’ve completed. Can you control how your reports manage their time. Do you have control how you react to these two situations. The answer to the first two questions is probably “not ultimate control. But you should be able to answer the third question with an unequivocal “yes.,” if you use your resilient mindset

As I mentioned earlier, all of us as managers/employees want to feel great about our work and have a sense of accomplishment without feeling like you are gasping for breath or waiting for the next crisis to hit. 

But many times we derail our sense of accomplishment because we worry about the events out of our control. For me, there are only three things you can totally control in your work or personal lives. 

That is, our attitude, values and how we relate to people. How am thinking about myself, my work, my life, my family and my friends… As managers/employees, part of our role is to be in control of situations.

But you need to understand that nearly 95 percent of the projects or people you work with are only partially controllable by you. So you need to understand those areas that you can control and don’t get worked up about the things you can’t.

A CEO speech I wrote awhile back is a good example. Well, just a day earlier, he loved the draft and did not want anything changed. But then, as if I were in the Twilight Zone, a few hours later, he wanted a different focus. Could I control his change of opinion…no! But I could control how I reacted to him, and how I re-crafted the speech. If I let the “process” consume me, I could have never wrote what turned out to be an award-nominated speech. In the final analysis, there is not much in our control except your attitude.

The point is: If you let your attitude slip, life and work can really spiral downwards.

For reflection, please take a few moments and write down a recent time where you worried about things at work out of your true control. How did it affect your attitude, your day, and your productivity in the short term? I’d love for you’ll to share an example from a past job on my web site?

How is your attitude affecting you today at work? How is it affecting your colleagues and reports? What is your style in relating to folks at work? Should you be more adaptive, compromising or trying to find more common ground?

I’d also suggest thinking for a couple minutes about how you can take charge of your attitude even with the real control challenges many of us have day-to-day.

For me, not dwelling on the things I can’t control has made a tremendous different in my attitude and how I relate to people. One more short vignette:

Early in my career, a mentor counseled me that your attitude is one of the most important things people remember and can cause you the most stress on an every day basis – if you do not stay in control of it.

I’ve talked a lot about my three Ps of resilience in previous articles and presentations and how they relate to your overall resilient mindset. But the three Ps – perseverance, persistence and patience – will help you stay in control even in highly-stressful situations

Perseverance

What can any of us do to reduce work stress? Your performance is great but your company is asking more of you but offering less resources.

Persevere, again, means understanding what you can control and understanding what you do best…

Now, many of you are employed and thank goodness. I wasn’t so lucky a few years back. After I was laid off from by dream job because of the economy, I looked at what was in my control and use my resilient mindset

This is when, while searching for a full-time gig, I developed a personal business plan I looked hard at my personal brand very hard and truly had a heart-to-heart with myself about what I wanted to do for the rest of my career. 

Well, this perseverance led me to resiliency, an award-nominated web site and establishing a business where I write worldwide, speak at corporations/organizations, develop resiliency materials for those in need and stay healthy in my day-to-day activities. It’s been a true blessing…

The lesson I learned – and one you should think about – is don’t pity yourself because you have had a professional setback at work. Look at yourself hard and determine what makes you happy in your job.

Write those down and look at them once in awhile as you come out of your boss’s office perplexed on the decision that was made.  If those statements still hold true, you are still on the right course. If not, you should look at how your reactions and decisions will allow you to persevere and maintain “work/life happiness” as you see it.

Don’t just settle because then you may be going through the same challenges in future times. Persevere and understand the fantastic skills and qualities you offer everyday!

Persistence

That great idea you’ve had that no one seems to hear or understand. It could have the company thousands of dollars, or make employees understand the company better. But no one seems to listen and your idea floats in oblivion. And you just don’t have enough energy or will to pursue it any longer. Been there, done that. 

But just think about… those innovators throughout history, such as Edison, Ford and Gates. Thomas Edison had more than 20 detailed experiment fails before the light bulb clicked on. Henry Ford failed at a number of businesses until he got married to the Model T. Bill Gates, in an article I read, said high school classmates saw him as the ultimate geek. 

Look at where persistence got them…

That’s why I think understanding and believing in your personal brand is absolutely a key to your future success. When I first re-crafted my “brand,” I thought I’d never come up with something that was truly me. But I persisted and gave myself enough time where I did not feel pressured to write something in five minutes. I persisted and diligently wrote down all my strengths and the types of work I like to do. I also did the same with my weaknesses and the activities I don’t like to do.

This gave my a framework where I was able to write down “my future.” It was not easy and it took significant time but I got it done and now I understand what I want to do for the last 15 years of my career. My persistence led to talking about resiliency and opening up about my disability experiences. Most of all, it gave me the inner confidence to offer my common-sense messages to assist you and other great folks worldwide. 

Being persistent can be magical… 

Patience

You’ve just been laid off and wonder where the money will come from to pay the bills, keep your house and pay for your son’s birthday party coming up soon. In these circumstances, being patient to find your next great job is very hard. I’ve had my tough times and my friends have been there. There’s nothing fun about it and you just want to hurry to find a job that pays for life – - or find a better job that fits with your life.

For me, I found that I needed to step back for a moment and don’t hurry into something that I may regret. I was a senior marketer at Medtronic, had a lot of responsibility and made a lot of money. But I did not like the job.

At least for the short term, I stayed patient and tried to understand what my next step should be. I ultimately moved back into my corporate passion – directing corporate communications – but I used my resilient mindset to stay patient. You can, too, by applying this mindset to your work or life circumstances.

Simply: All of us can react wonderfully to favorable times in our lives. Our true grit is shown in how we deal with the professional and personal challenges all of us sometimes face. I suggest you think of the three Ps the next time you face one of those possible life-changing events in your life. Please don’t stay knocked down for long…see your true and fabulous resilient potential.

What else is a part of your mindset?

Control: What life and career actions are totally within your control? For me, being called a work “rock star” and “essential” gave me some belief that I could ride out the layoff wave in 2008. Yet, I was still laid off. Nearly all of us think we are in control of more things than we are.

My mother has worked at the same company for nearly 65 years. She is a beloved institution at her company and continues to thrive every day.

The rest of us can expect 10 jobs over our career – not because we like to move around or our performance is deficient. The great company you work for today may not be in control of their fate tomorrow. 

So, why worry about things out of your control? A psychologist I had coffee with told me “it’s being human.” Sounds justifiable in the abstract, but that does not pay the mortgage, keep your solid relationships intact, or make you feel a whole lot better.

Next time you have a low-confidence moment, just think about the three life actions totally within your control – your attitude, your values and how you interact with people. Find ways to use these three to see what is important for your life – your family, your friends and yourself. 

In upcoming weeks, I will suggest further ways we can tap into our resilient mindsets. Mindsets that can allow us to enjoy more at work and in life! 

I look forward to our continued conversation next week, and please take a look at my newest resiliency e-books on www.resiliencyfirst.com. 

Photo By: Evil Erin

As nearly all of us have found in our own unique orbits, life and work mistakes can have profound effects on our family and the fabric of who we are as a person. A gifted colleague of mine pointed out recently that each of us makes 10s of thousands of routine and complex decisions each day. Even if we make mistakes or misjudgments on as little as 1 percent of these thoughts, we can rack up 100s of small or more significant mistakes on a daily basis. 

When I first heard these numbers, I was simply astounded and a bit of intimidated by the volume. As I thought about them further, though, I realized mistakes our inevitable no matter if you are a CEO of one of the top Fortune 500 companies orr someone like you and me.

 You probably crossed the finish line on this before me, but I finally realized: Whether we make mistakes large or small, it is how react to them through our resiliency, adaptability, honesty and integrity that will help us move forward successfully in our lives and/or careers.

Circumstances Should Not Consume Us

While I have a very wonderful 27+-year marriage, we’ve definitely made our share of mistakes along the way. But we’ve worked through them, moved forward and have not allowed any to stop us from enjoying life.

You have probably been in the same type of circumstance in one way or another. Mistakes are inevitable, but it is truly digging deep to use our personal brand and having a heart-to-heart with ourselves that will allow us to minimize any damage in our personal lives – or at work.

Many of us, for example, have gone through layoff challenges in this perfect storm economy – or have been over-burdened at work because of extra duties added with valued colleagues being let go.

Should we feel down at least momentarily? Of course. Should we lose our confidence for the moment because of very challenging circumstances coming to our doors? While I hope not, we are only human.

Mistakes happen to all of us. Too often, though, we misidentify them as our mistakes when we did not have as much control over the situations as originally thought. This happens a lot when there are extraordinary stressful times at work.

 Does this mean you are any less of a person, or your top-notch skills have diminished? Not… 

I made the mistake of blaming myself after my layoff 2+ years ago – even though being told I was one of the top performers at my company. More than 90 percent were ultimately laid off because of the worsening economy…I did not have as much control as I thought despite, humbly, my rock star performance.

Whether it is a layoff, not reaching the profit margin the Board of Directors expect or rarely being able to have a meaningful conversation with your 16-year-old “drama queen” daughter. Sometimes all of us make the mistake of beginning to doubt ourselves and the skills that have made us so successful at work and in life.

I also made a mistake after the lay off of thinking I just had one course of action to try to find the same type corporate communications executive position I’ve always been successful in the past.

My biggest mistake, however, was letting such circumstances consume me without seeing the true skills and potential I had in this “new” economy.  

How are you reacting to your own unique life circumstances? 

You also may have experienced this, but I did a lot of soul-searching after I figured out the types of jobs I was accustomed to were just not there – or at least not readily available – anymore.

I Did Not See My Life Gifts or the Broad Picture…

Do you see your true gifts and talents? Most of us make the mistake of seeing what is “inside the box” and only going for the easier low-hanging fruits of life.

I was there after the lay off. So where was I going to go and what were my next options. To be honest, I just did not know at first. Should I continue down the same employment path as before or should I do something else?

What if I make a mistake?

Well, what I decided is an example that I suggest you consider as you move down your unique career and life journey – whether you are employed or in transition.

I moved outside the box quite dramatically. 

I did not make the mistake to continue rehashing the past. As you should whether employed or not, I looked extremely hard at my personal brand and what I truly loved to do in life. I want to retire some day in Hawaii, but that is not going to happen any time soon. 

So how should I use my many talents in life to continue being reasonably successful in my work – and, most of all, happy?  

How are you doing?

After a lot of reflection, I decided to use my gifts as a writer and speaker to help others (like you) with the shared desire to have a happy life/work and very resilient future. But how could I do this? 

For my health, I started to write this blog to keep my writing talents sharp and my skills in talking with people fine-tuned.  I did not think many would read it, but…

It was a God-send and a true revelation…my common-sense resiliency strategies hit the right cord with individuals and corporations. I used my personal work resiliency moments and life challenges as a person with a lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) to help provide – as so many of you have appreciated worldwide – real life vignettes showing how all of us can stay resilient.

Resilient strategies (like adaptability, perseverance, persistence and patience) that you can use every day to make your world more rewarding and just a bit less stressful…

While I now have more than 3 million viewers worldwide who have visited my much more enhanced web site (www.resiliencyfirst.com) and spoken to more than 100 groups, the point is I needed to re-invent the way I thought about myself leading me to a very resilient mindset.

How do you think about yourself? Low-hanging fruit or something more inspired…

I didn’t make the mistake to only see me for what I was professionally for nearly 30 years, I stretched myself to the point my resiliency business is on the edge of something very humbly big.

This has helped me maintain my confidence, stay persistent and be truly patient as I keep finding ways to spread the resiliency message to (very, very humbly) millions of great folks like you.

If you’d like me to talk with your corporation or group, please contact me at beseke1@earthlink.net 0r 651-341-9826.

Never Limit Yourself 

The additional point: Please never limit yourself or let any mistake make you spin to where you begin to not see your true potential – not only at work but in life. 

If I would have stayed the typical course, I may still be out of work with much reduced confidence and a sense of diminishing hope. Now, I have a resiliency business that is so gratefully taking off. Despite my perceived layoff mistakes a couple years ago, I looked at what I absolutely wanted to do in life and developed a plan to get me there.

So, if you have made life or career mistakes or are facing other significant challenges, I suggest you never give up believing in yourself, your resilient attitude or the rock-solid values you live by everyday.

While I personally went through my “black hole” after the very agonizing layoff, I found the resilient formula to be happy and healthy in my life and career. You can, too.

Understanding your personal brand and confidently going where you want to be. I know you can have even more success than me if you only believe and find ways to move forward from your life or work mistakes. 

I will talk with you next week, and I hope you are staying resilient despite the possible missteps and challenges all of us inevitably face. Again, please take a look at my work and life resiliency e-books at www.resiliencyfirst.com.

Stat resilient, my friends!

 Being patient and gentle with yourself and others is sometimes one of the hardest actions to accomplish. You, of course, know that having the right amount of patience will ultimately make your life more rewarding and less stressful. But you want to get something done now or change someone’s views this instant – not in two days, two weeks or two years. So what is the right amount? 

We have all been there at some points in our lives and at work. You may have blown up at your supervisor after he/she said you are doing fabulous work, but then only gives you a very small pay increase. It probably would have been better to take a deep breath, sleep on it and schedule a separate meeting to discuss your concerns after that.

If we all had hindsight, life would be perfect and everyone would understand the need for applying their resilience. Like that is gong to fully happen any time soon.:)

I’ve been so fortunate and grateful to be viewed by millions of you worldwide through my web site, You Tube and so many other sources. But I’ve run into one or two that think resiliency is a bunch of hooey and it surely does not affect their lives “no way, no how.” 

This is where I have to use one of my resiliency tools I expound to you. That is, yes, my patience.

As you may have confronted your boss at the wrong time or have tried to have a meaningful conversation with your teenager most any time, applying patience is the hardest of my resilient strategies to use consistently.

The key I hope you remember is realizing what you can control and what you can’t – and staying calm. I don’t always do this patience quotient very well.

An example: A friend of mine told me fairly recently that she doesn’t need to think resiliently and doesn’t have any use for readings or listening to anything dealing with resilience.  Friends can talk bluntly like that. “I have it all together,” she said. “I just don’t think about bad things and they don’t affect me in the least,” she also told me. 

No, this very nice lady does not live on Mars, and she is never in a hallucinatory state. You probably know a few of those who think being resilient (adaptable, perseverant, persistent and patient – to name just a few life strategies) is not really that important as long they continue with their set glide path in life.

 Resiliency is not really important, they say, as long as you stick to the grindstone and stay focused on how to get what you want.

And the sun rises in the west and sets in the north…                                                                                                           

I just got steamed with my friend. Not so much outwardly at her, but really at myself because I did not think I was doing a resiliently good job at my craft. If I could not convince a friend, what about others? Was I starting to lose my resilient touch with good folks like you worldwide? 

I initially tried to change my friend’s opinions on resilience, but my suggestions just kept bouncing back as if there was a Teflon shield surrounding her.

I rarely show my anger to the world, but I was beating myself up inside. Why couldn’t I convince my friend about the importance of her resilience that she – I guess unknowingly to her – uses nearly every single moment of every day?

 Then, one of you helped me through this “crisis of resilient thought.” In talking about a completely different subject, he thanked me for an article I wrote about not worrying too much about things and people who are not totally within our control. 

While I was losing patience big time with my friend, especially internally, I forgot my control emotional-intelligence module. Big words to say there are only three things you totally can control in life or at work: your attitude, your values and how you relate to people. 

I was not relating so well, and my (lack of) patience was driving me nuts with my friend. My lack of patience was clouding what I truly could control.

 This is when being patient and gentle with each of us is probably the hardest – especially when challenges happen or things don’t quite go our way. 

I re-thought the situation, and it helped a lot…

In your life:

 You’ve just been laid off and wonder where the money will come from to pay the bills, keep your house and pay for your son’s birthday party coming up soon. Or, your current job is just driving you bananas and you don’t know where to turn.

In these circumstances, being patient to find your next great job or taking more control of your current position can be very hard.  As it was reaffirmed with my friend, there’s nothing fun about such “uncontrollable” situations, and you just want to hurry to find your “sweet spot” in life.

As I did, please think about this for a moment or two:

We usually react wonderfully to favorable times in our lives. Our true grit, however, is shown in how we deal with the professional and personal challenges all of us sometimes face.

All of us go through our unique career and personal hardships. The key to getting over the “mountain” is to learn most of all how to be patient with yourself.

That’s why I’d suggest remembering my resiliency control module to find ways to worry less about those people or inevitable actions that are not within your total control. There are so many more than you think.

As I have, you can save a few premature gray hairs and wrinkles when you find ways to stay patient and gentle – especially with yourself.

Patience is understanding all of us get knocked down in our personal or professional lives in one way or another. As I found with my friend, I can’t allows change people’s opinions. But I can plant a resilient seed that may eventually sprout in her life.

A step for you: There are probably 10 things on our plates that we may need to be more patient or gentle with. I don’t ask you to try to improve being patient with all of them. I recommend focusing on one life action or person who you may want to be more patient.

Patience, as well as being persistent and perseverant, can make all the difference to your life and work effectiveness/happiness. Give just a bit more and patiently try…

I’d love to hear more of your comments. Your discussions worldwide have helped keep my resiliency articles/conversations not from just one person’s view. Until next week…thanks for being a avid reader of my resiliency articles and buying my e-books!

Photo By:  *Kelso*

The pervasive and very saddening stories worldwide about bullying in schools/workplaces keep receiving very necessary attention in the media and from so many of us who have endured such treatment in our lives.

The “bullies” inside us, though, can sometimes be more challenging for any of us than hurtful words by others or even a punch in the nose. You know the internal demons I am talking about…negative thoughts about yourself that keep appearing every so often throughout your lives. That you are not good enough, not pretty/handsome enough, not skilled enough, not deserving enough or just not “enough” of something.

Don’t get me wrong: External emotional and/or physical bullying by others can have profound effects – especially when you are young. A young person can unfortunately succumb to such outside challenges in heart-wrenching ways.

I’ve written significantly on this topic and have made presentations to help kids and others understand how they can take back the power and control bullies live for. Please contact me at 651-341-9826 if you’d like me to do a webinar, podcast or in-person presentation on my bullying perspectives. 

I cried myself to sleep many times when I was young 40+ years ago after being laughed at by classmates because of my lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) and called a lot of terrible names in elementary school and beyond.

-       Being told to go back where I came from and I don’t belong.

-       Being told I walked so funny the first day I attended a normal elementary school in third grade.

-       Being pelted with spitballs after a basketball game in junior high.

-       Being told by a classmate not to date a particularly beautiful high school girl and stick with your own kind.

-       Being ridiculed by a classmate for taking advanced classes in high school because “your kind” only does menial work     anyway.

This piece is about our internal bullies and demons, but external bullying can hurt – a lot.  All I wanted to do was belong like any other kid. But I sometimes-painfully got through it, became tougher because of it, and used such resilience to be very successful in my career and life. Your children will find a way to overcome, persist and persevere, too. More on that in another article /presentation I will be doing soon.

Fighting your internal bullies/demons of your self-worth, confidence and consistent belief can be just as if not more challenging for nearly every one of us – whether physically disabled like me or not. Each of us has them and your station in life does not matter. You can be the CEO of one of the top Fortune 500 companies or someone humbly like me.

You can fill in your own unique internal bullies, but one of mine right now is sometimes bringing me to my knees – literally. That is my physical disability. I’m moving toward my mid-50s and my body is literally breaking down because of just getting older like anyone and the physical challenges that have always been there but controlled.

My mind and brain have been fighting each other lately. My resiliency/emotional intelligence has been severely tested over the last two years since my walking has deteriorated. My brain knows I need aids (like a cane), but my mind says I just need to adapt like I always have to overcome these more increased challenges. I have never needed physical aides or other help in the past my mind reminds me. 

They have gone through quite a knock down drag out while my physical disability bully just smiles and adds bulging discs, lower back arthritis and sacroiliac joint deterioration to the list of my life obstacles. Both my brain and mind want me to be as independent as possible – with my brain seeing I now need aides but my mind reluctant to think so.

During this battle, I’ve had to deal with loss of confidence and belief because I sometimes allow that internal bully to wrest control of myself…well, away from myself. 

In your own way, you’ve had to wrestle with unique life challenges within yourself, too. Just think for a moment about one or two of them…

When I was young, I truly kept my physical disability at bay because I did not generally allow myself to think I was disabled – despite the teasing. I lettered in high school tennis and became humbly a terrific golfer because I left my disability at the clubhouse.

 So my mind has always believed I just need to better adapt to situations to keep the disability out of my sight for the most part. I travelled worldwide with my able-bodied wife (of now nearly 30 years) to such places as Egypt, China, Greece and other European countries. My disability was rarely a factor… 

But, then, age has come into play. Doctors say I look like an 80 year old in certain inside parts. With my disability gleeful over the last two years, I’ve had to sit myself down for a “heart to heart” with myself.

How could I use my resilient strategies I talk with you about to overcome? Such strategies as adaptability, perseverance, persistent, patience, not dwelling on negatives, finding common ground and using my strengths.

As you may have gone through with your internal struggles, it was/and is not a leisurely walk in the park. To stop me from falling literally and figuratively, my brain and mind finally came to an agreement. My CP did not like this as it remembers me going to the emergency room after a particularly bad fall hitting my head on a marble floor a couple years back.

I’ve had to take being adaptive to an entirely different level internally, and realize that a cane or a motorized scooter for longer walks was a way to stop my disability from controlling my life recently. Sounds like a no-brainer, but just think about your internal bullies and how you may not be dealing effectively with them still. The emotions that come with such life changes can be the key to moving forward or just “spinning.”

I want to stay independent and keep my internal bully at arm’s length for many years to come. My mind and brain are now in unison…

The real question is: How will you be dealing with those internal bullies that keep rearing their ugly head to destroy how you feel about yourself and the painful emotions that come with it? Your ongoing happiness and self-worth may depend on the answer.

I’d suggest having that “heart to heart” with yourself and use your resilience to lock up those bullies into compartments of the brain that offer your best chance to consistently overcome. And see sunshine coming up from the horizon.

While I still have occasional moments, my “plan” is working for me consistently now.

I always enjoy hearing your many comments and look forward to talking worldwide with you again. Thanks for enriching my life with your connections, and making my web site and conversations a true blessing!

Early in his successful presidential run, Barack Obama mentioned he used a resilient mindset in keeping on track, staying focused, understanding how other people see him and staying emotionally healthy. Wow! In times of struggle for all of us, the lesson I learned from the President is the need to look hard at your resilient self and understand the needs you want achieved. 

Now, this is not a political article, and I am not going to discuss Democrats or Republicans. Although both could learn a lot from applying my resilient strategies – especially the art of compromise.:)

Sometimes, I think we are our own worst “enemies” when it comes to our own work and life resiliency. Been there and done that…many times!

Yes…the world these days can definitely be a bit daunting if we let it. Whether you are looking for work or are employed but maxed out, all of us should adopt or fine-tune our own resilient mindset that can keep us from going nuts!

Ever-increasing budget cuts, college expenses for your kids, workload expectations going through the ceiling panels, working more with a lot less and, yes, the notion that layoffs are not over yet sometimes stare us in the face.

You may be at a wonderful resilient edge of a new promotion, partnership, new job or personal relationship. But, for some reason, you get unnecessarily nervous. You begin, ever so slightly, to doubt yourself. You lose a bit of confidence not maybe shown to the outside world but inside where you think about it over and over again.

Why? A simple, yet thought-provoking answer is I think all of us want everything to go just perfect in this imperfect world. But we realize that there are some life aspects none of us cannot have ultimate control.

All of us go through those dark side moments – whether we want to admit them or not. You can be a CEO of a top Fortune 100 company, or someone just looking for his/her first job after college. It is not that we want to go there. Those are the shared human experiences in dealing with the emotions of the good and the “warts” of the not as pleasant. Coy as it seems, as one of Frank Sinatra hits is titled, That’s Life.”

It really is how we react, dust ourselves off and get through those sometimes agonizing inner-moments that allow most of us to stay happy, successful and liking ourselves – on most days.:)

As you look at your work and life resilience, you may want to mull through the following questions you may face every day:

• What resilient strategies are you using to get past those potentially black-hole moments in your life and work?
• How do you deal with difficult customers, colleagues, supervisors or even friends/loved ones?
• Are you involved in chaotic or exhausting work or life events that you feel very little control over?
• Does it seem like you have to solve the challenges and problems of your loved ones, colleagues or direct reports even before your first cup of coffee every morning? 
• Are you asked to overcome work or life issues that seem overwhelming or unsolvable?
• Do you find you are becoming less resilient to taking sometime challenging life or work events in stride? 

If you’ve said “yes” to any of these, don’t feel alone.

A survey of employees found that 78 percent said “yes” to at least one of these questions. Ninety percent said “yes” in their personal lives. More than 50 percent said “yes” to all of them…

Are you surprised? I wasn’t. I have spent nearly 30 years successfully (or mostly successfully) stamping out the fires that probably keep you up at nights. Some of my fun – that we may all have gone through has included: 

• The last second “request” by the CEO to totally rewrite his approved upcoming speech – and do it in the next hour for his plane ride review…
• The teenager who just can’t see how his/her sometimes-insensitive actions can hurt others.
• The direct report who was to present a white paper at a conference but accidentally deleted the presentation 15 minutes before his presentation – the IT guys had fun with that one.
• The spouse who goes nuts because he/she cannot control certain family situations.
• Staying up all night to meet a project deadline that unknowingly that day had been pushed back two weeks.

You, of course, can fill in your own additional, unique examples…

The number of times I have been “knocked down” trying to navigate through the turbulent currents that we call “the office” or “life,” has taught a number of emotional and practical realities. The most important is I have used my resilient mindset as a guiding post to get back/or stay on the right path.

I use the phrase “resilient mindset,” which I define as dealing effectively with all aspects of your work and life. These may include sometimes challenging loved ones, customers, colleagues or possibly being nervous that our challenging economy might affect your job/way of life.

This also means springing back from adversity to take pleasure in the quiet moments with your spouse, significant person, children, friends or yourself – and even realizing that work/life balance is more than just a concept on a corporation’s blotter.

To keep your work and life resilience at a healthy level, I have found the art of compromise, adaptability, finding common ground, and understanding my strengths and weaknesses very important.

I have highlighted many examples of these strategies over the last two years in my more than 120 resiliency articles worldwide and nearly 100 talks with corporations and groups. Be looking for additional poignant examples – including those of you who have given me permission to mention a few of yours – in the future.

A consistent act of resilient vigilance is that we should never get ourselves in a position to see ourselves as our own worst enemies as I defined earlier. A colleague of mine says it simply and best: It serves very little purpose and only challenges our own confidence and fuels unnecessary doubts.

Similar to the President and so many others throughout our history, we need to uncover our resilient selves to overcome such inner (and outward) craziness that inevitable gets in our way…

Like in this piece, I receive many resilient article ideas from you. I definitely appreciate your input, support and readership.

Please, again, take a look at my two newest resiliency e-books with another being published shortly. My web site is www.resiliencyfirst.com.

I hope you are having a resilient day!

Photo By: thebadastronomer

This week, I won’t be writing an article on our resilience as individuals. While I know I am so lucky to have a worldwide audience, this short piece will focus on just a few words to reflect on the tragedies on 9/11 and the resilience of my nation – America. A nation that sometimes unfortunately believes too much of the “huff and puff” that we are so great and noble. A nation that sometimes focuses too much on ourselves without the concern of the world community as a whole. BUT a nation that truly cares about its citizens, its ideals and feels so deeply about the terrible things that happen because of others…

 We reflect solemnly on the 10th anniversary of the horrific attacks of September 11, 2001. We mourn the innocent lives lost, honor the heroic first responders who rushed to the scene, and pay tribute to our troops and military families who have served over the past years to keep us safe and strong. We also honor our resilience as a nation to look back and look forward so the innocent lives will not have been lost in vain.

The worst terrorist attack in American history brought out the best in the American people. The firefighters. The police. Ordinary people doing extraordinary efforts to save lives. And the passengers that sacrificed their lives on the plane headed for the Capitol, which was downed in a Pennsylvania field.

At times, some folks see resilience as this complex subject that is so daunting and unnecessarily serious. The heroic acts of 9/11 show a different side of resiliency. A side of kindness. A side of hope. And a side that life will continue despite the sadness and tremendous grief of the day.

 I was not in New York at the time and know no one associated with this unspeakable calamity. But I just want to thank all who helped and the grieving families that have had to endure this never-ending tragedy. The new memorial on the World Trade Center Center is such a wonderful testament to their resilience and our resiliency as people. God bless and I hope you have a resilient day!

Photo By: happyarm

Many of us understand we need to overcome obstacles and adapt to change in our personal lives. A loved one may be dying of cancer, your child may be traveling down the wrong path, or you have recently ended a significant relationship. This resilient list can go on and on.

There, however, have been a number of additional folks worldwide who have commented they don’t see how resilience plays an important role in their work lives. While I truly respect their opinions, I typically hear responses like: “I only work here,” “I only do what they tell me to do,” “I don’t have anything invested in the outcome…that’s my boss’ worry,” “I rank low on the depth charts and cannot have much influence.” Or, another one that is a bit concerning: “I don’t have to worry about resilience because my job is going great and I can handle whatever comes up.”

Sound familiar? You’ve probably heard these statements by co-workers – or possibly once or twice by yourself – through the years. Life is not going to end because of it, and I have journeyed down that unhealthy working road before.

What I have found, though, is your resilience is even more important at work. Sound obvious? I think so. But a recent study showed that nearly 90 percent of participants said they were in near total control of their jobs by just following orders or staying out of Harm’s Way. Yes, 90 percent! Unfortunately, many good folks like them have been laid off and are seeing to late what control they have…

(For more info, please check out my latest e-book, Join The Likes Of Bill Gates And Donald Trump As Someone Successfully Managing Your Brand Join The Likes Of Bill Gates And Donald Trump As Someone Successfully Managing Your Brand” at www.resiliencyfirst.com.)

For those of us who want to make our working worlds more rewarding, a bit less stressful and more grounded in fact, there are many resilient strategies to successfully get you through the day. Strategies like adaptability, persistence, perseverance and patience. (I will highlight more about these and other resilient approaches as you read further down.)

Our days may still go nuts once in a while, but our resilience helps take the edge off. It might help our working worlds be more rewarding and just a bit less stressful. 

The reality, of course, is that all of us have work challenges we face nearly every single moment of every day at work and in life. Whether it is dealing with a difficult client, working with a challenging boss or trying to six work assignments done simultaneously. 

The success we have professionally (and personally) depends on how resiliently we overcome the obstacles that inevitably come up in our workplaces. 

As the owner of my own speaking and writing business, my resiliency is definitely at a premium these days. Convincing companies and groups to open up their checkbooks is a challenging in these perfect storm types of days. You, of course, have your own unique obstacles to hurdle to overcome… 

No matter the work obstacle, career (and life) resilient strategies can make a significantly positive difference as you deal with customers, your boss, co-workers or yourself.

Smack-Down Resiliency

At a hotel work conference a couple years ago, for example, I fell and smacked my head against an unforgiving marble floor. I have a life-long physical disability (Cerebral Palsy), which makes my walk a bit strange and fall sometimes suddenly. I was taken to the emergency room with a couple of my valued work colleagues at my side.

 All I was thinking was that I just fell in front of dozens of my colleagues. What were they going to think except to pity me?

Then, my inner resiliency voice said: “Don’t worry about what others may think. You need to focus on yourself and use the resilient strategies that have helped you succeed in life, such as your adaptability, focusing actions you can control, not dwelling on negatives, persevering and staying patient with myself and others.

I was ultimately O.K. But what my colleagues said afterward, I will never forget. They commented: “We did not feel sorry for you, Steve. We were amazed how adaptable and resilient you are in life.”

Wow! Talk about how a very embarrassing work moment that turned into something truly special.

I don’t highlight this personal example to tap into your empathy. It does show how any of us – despite circumstances sometimes out of our control – can stay resilient at work and in life if we especially use our patience.

Resiliency: A 24-hour-a-day proposition

A majority of us are going through a lot of stress and anxiety in these uncertain economic days.

A recent survey showed more than 50 percent of participants were not happy with their jobs. And 50 percent in work transition were feeling a bit helpless in this challenging economy. Companies are also going through unsettling times with forced layoffs and just trying to stay afloat.

 This is where understanding and applying resilient strategies can help you overcome such obstacles at work and in your life.

Resilient workers such as you can offer companies an unparalleled return on investment as the economy gets better. And being resilient at work goes beyond being just a soft skill, but one that leads your company to see what an adaptable and skilled employee you are – which, of course, will benefit you in the short and long term.

Such work resiliency strategies like:

Adaptability

A TV career commercial jokingly said many people that we work or contract with we would not spend six seconds with in our personal lives.

So how do you adapt to clients and colleagues that may have personalities or work styles not necessarily ideal for you?

 The first resilient action I suggest is, “Never judge a book by its cover.”

Don’t worry, for example, that a person may be of a different generation, different gender, different beliefs or – like me – a bit different physically.

A corporate example of mine that may illustrate this best: Very early in my career, a supervisor was caught up a bit with my physical disability. He would go down to the lunch room to get me something to eat, never schedule a meeting unless it was a short distance away from my cube, etc., etc. He later said he thought I was in pain when I walked. 

Unfortunately, he assumed something that he never asked me about and adapted much of his free work time “to help me.” Finally, I sat down to let him know I never need help unless ask for… He was shocked when I told him about walking around the State Fair, lettering in tennis and golf in high school, etc. After this, he was released from adapting his day to make my work experience better.

The workplace point: All of us need to be resiliently adaptive in our work style and personalities with others. I suggest you should never judge someone unless you talk and/or observe them first

The Art of Compromise

Many of us are taught to stick to our beliefs and not compromise unless absolutely necessary. 

In your job and career, however, this narrowly defined concept can spell ultimate failure. There was a study that showed not being able to compromise was one of the top reasons work relationships failed.

 For me, compromise does not mean always giving in to the eccentricities or demands of clients, boss or co-workers. It’s giving a little on both sides to find a common middle.

The workplace point: Sometimes your clients or other colleagues are right on about the implementation of a project or idea. I suggest not letting status and egos get in the way of a great idea.

A senior manager friend of mine once told me of a great compromise example. He received the best work advice from one of the company’s hourly workers at lunch.

The manager discussed a new work/life balance plan  was to be communicated the following week. The worker was interested but asked how will it be communicated to his friends on the “grave yard” shift.

The manager said they would have to attend the presentation or call-in. The worker said work/life balance is great for those on the right shifts, but the presentation timing might be a burden with families, getting sleep, etc.

The light bulb went off and the manager said he added presentations at the times convenient for shift workers. It meant a bit more time, but ultimately was seen as very proactive in communicating the message.

The manager compromised – not because of superiors – but because he listened to a typical employee. It ultimately caused him less stress because he did not have to go back and “fix” something out-of-whack. 

Knowing Your Strengths

All of us have tremendous personal and professional strengths – and, of course, a few weaknesses sprinkled in along the way. 

As leaders, we want to feel great about our work without waiting for the next crisis to hit.

A study has shown workers can improve their strengths by up to 30 percent. If they use the same amount of time to improve their weaknesses, they can only get less than a 10 percent improvement rate.

I have found my greatest work success in the corporate world when I focus on what I do best. I know that is easier said than done with client or corporate expectations, but it can be done successfully more times than you think…

When I was asked a many years ago to create layoff communications plans that would affect my work friends – and ultimately me – the first draft was not seen as not “hard enough.”

I took the critique and used my strengths of adaptability to re-craft a more direct yet sensitive plan that was implemented.

The workplace point: Unless you lack some core skills, I suggest not worrying as much your weaknesses. Spend at least 80 percent of the time demonstrating your strengths to your working world. 

Finding Common Ground

 Sounds easy, doesn’t it? All of us should be on the same page with our clients. It only makes sense…

Are you and your company truly on the same page? Do you understand what they expect from you? These trigger points can break down the sense of accomplishment, happiness and content we need in our jobs.

If I could talk personally for a second to illustrate a work point: I’ve had to find a lot of common ground in my life – especially as I was growing up.

Through the second grade, I was enrolled in a very nice crippled school for children in southeast Minneapolis. Back in the 60s, that is what they called such schools. It taught me a lot but the school softened many of the blows in life. My parents, however, wanted me to achieve my potential whatever that may be.

So, they mainstreamed me into a “normal” elementary school in St. Louis Park and I went through years of tremendous emotional teasing like “Why do you walk so funny,” or “Are you mentally retarded” and much worse.

 Although I cried myself to sleep many nights and my parents were always there for me, I remember – even at that age – thinking that I was not going to let this bullying destroy me. I had to find some common ground in my approach to kids. My solution: I stood up for myself but I never got into fights even though my left side of my body was very, very strong.

I became tougher and able to overcome obstacles myself because of it, which helped in high school and my humbly successful career as a corporate communications executive for nearly 30 years.

In high school, particularly, I was dating a very pretty able-bodied girl. What she saw in me I was not sure.:~) But I took her to a movie one evening. (I don’t remember the movie because I was focused on her. 

After the movie, I went into the bathroom where an upper classmate cornered me saying, “ You have no right to be dating this girl…you need to stick to your own kind” – meaning someone with a disability. A couple weeks later his friend came up to me and said, “I see you are taking these advanced classes. You don’t need to do that since your kind only does menial work anyway.”

In both these instances, I could have gone ballistic or shrank like a wilted flower. Instead, I found common ground and confidently stood up for myself. I did not receive any more of these comments, which I hope, in part, was because of the way I handled the situations.

The workplace point: You may not always get along with someone at work or you may have a particularly challenging call – we’ve all been there. But, for your benefit, you need to find common ground to do what is best for you and your company.

Actions Within Your Control

To also stay productive in your work life, all of us should manage our work expectations better.

Do you have ultimate control over how a customer reacts to you over the phone? Can you truly manage your manager’s expectations? Do you have control of how you react to these two situations?

The answer to the first two questions is probably “not.” But you can control the third question as long as you have the proper mindset.

Many times we derail our sense of accomplishment because we worry about events out of our control.

For me, there are only three things you can totally control in your work or personal lives: Our attitude, values and how we relate to people. All three are work essentials.

Studies show nearly 95 percent of the projects or people you work with are only partially controllable by you.

A CEO speech I wrote once illustrates the point. Just a day before, the CEO thought the original speech was perfect. But the next day, as if I were in the Twilight Zone, he wanted a different focus. Could I control his change of opinion? No! But I could control how I reacted to him, and how I re-crafted the speech. If I let the “process” consume me, I could have never wrote what turned out to be an award-nominated speech.

The workplace point: If you let your attitude and mindset slip, life and work can really spiral downwards.

The Three Ps of Resiliency

To help with “control” in your workplace (and life), I suggest you remember the three Ps – perseverance, persistence and patience – of resiliency.

Perseverance: To me, persevering means understanding what you control and applying what I do best… I suggest applying this to your work experience.

An example: After being laid off a dream job many years ago, I looked at what I could control. I developed a personal business plan, looked hard at my personal brand and truly had a heart-to-heart with myself.

My perseverance led me to developing an award-nominated resiliency web site worldwide attracting more than 3 million hits, publishing many books and establishing a business where I could speak at organizations worldwide. Developing additional resiliency materials for those in need led me to staying healthy. It is very humbling. 

The workplace point: The lesson I learned – and one I suggest you should think about – is don’t pity yourself because you have had a professional setback or are not happy at work. Look at yourself hard and figure out your work passion.

Persistence: That great work solution you’ve presented to your client/boss that he/she does not truly understand. You try to explain it several ways but no luck. Definitely been there, done that… 

But just think about those resilient innovators throughout history, such as Edison, Ford and Gates. Each had their own set of work challenges – including many business failures – but they persisted.

Look at where persistence got them and where it might get you with your own unique resiliency mindset.

My resiliency goal is to help millions of people understand how their resilient strengths can make a difference in their work/life happiness. It’s happening because I believe. Do you believe in yourself. 

Patience: You’ve had five straight meetings that “you had to attend” and an important project is due at day’s end.  With such possible stress, you may not be patient with a co-worker who asks you a work question when getting back to your desk.

I think all of us have had those moments one way or another.

For me, I was at a juncture in my career where I lost patience with myself, which affected how I related to others at work and in life.

I stepped back and never regretted it.

I was a senior marketer at Medtronic a few years ago. It was an interesting, yet unfulfilling, job for me.

I made a significant income and had a lot of responsibility but wanted to move back to my work passion of directing corporate communications.

I did not hurry and was very patient with myself on what I wanted to do. Ultimately, it led me away from Medtronic to another company where I was extremely happy until this economic perfect storm hit.

My patience led me to my work passion instead of just settling…

Managing Your Personal Brand

Understanding and believing in your personal brand at work is absolutely part of your unique resiliency mindset. Since the layoff, I retooled my “brand,” and my resiliency business is very humbly a success.

Adaptable, persistent, perseverance, patience, being seen as easy to work with and a team player…how are you being viewed at work? Your success – and job – may depend on your answer.

Work Resiliency Next Steps

Please take a moment to think of a couple areas you’d like to improve about your workplace resiliency…

Pick one and work on it for a month and assess how things are going after that…you’ll see a resilient difference in yourself.

A Resilient Quote

One last story: Because of my disability, my parents had to fight for my individual rights in the 1960s and early 1970s as I was growing up. They taught me something that can apply everyday in the workplace for you. While they did not use the word resilient, they said:

“Never worry about things you can’t do, cherish your strengths to always be your very best.” 

Also, I have two new resiliency e-book  – “A Healthy Blend of Managing Your Life/Career Despite 66 Things That Get in the Way” and “Join The Likes Of Bill Gates And Donald Trump As Someone Successfully Managing Your Brand” – that I’d appreciate you downloading for a nominal fee at my resiliencyfirst.com web site.

I hope this quote will resonate with your life and career as it has done with mine!

 Thanks for all your support and comments, and I look forward to our connection next week!

 Photo By: Sergio Prado

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com

Being responsible and resilient. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, being responsible for yourself and others can hit a significant snag if you are not happy and don’t give yourself credit for your strengths. Been down that road  - and I want to avoid that exit ramp if at all possible.

To effectively deal with my career and life ups and downs, I periodically ask myself this resiliency and responsibility question: What makes me the happiest about myself for that particular moment?

- Is it something great I have accomplished at work?

- Is it that I remembered to kiss my beautiful wife when I got up in the morning?

- Is it that I effectively handled a typical challenge from my teenage daughter?

- Is it that I thought positive things about myself without sweating the small stuff or assigning undue blame?

- And, most importantly in my view, am I being responsible enough for my actions to think beyond what is good for me? I suggest filling in your own examples: What about your kids or significant person in your life? Where do they fit in?

I have found resiliency is more than just dealing with the big things in life – a death of a family member, losing one’s job or dealing with many other family or work situations. It is more about the smaller things we do everyday that make us feel good and responsible about ourselves – and able to adapt successfully when unforeseen events happen.

Are we just looking out for ourselves without the responsibility of considering others who are close in our lives?

This can become an unwanted part of our personal brand, which I talk about in my newest resiliency e-book, “Join The Likes Of Bill Gates And Donald Trump As Someone Successfully Branding Your Talents,” available at my web site – www.resiliencyfirst.com.

My resiliency challenge for you this week is to do one thing that makes you happy and responsible for others, which has been off your radar screen for awhile.

Maybe it is kissing your spouse or actually having a meaningful conversation with one or all of your children. Possibly, it’s helping your parents with a project that has been on he table for many moons.

Or, it may be helping a co-worker with a work project even though you are not assigned to do it. These are actions within your control and are easily doable if only you give a small portion of your time.

Over time, truly understanding such responsibility will help build the resiliency and inner-feeling of good inside you when dealing with things not always within your control.

These may be the unreasonable request from your boss, the 10-item To Do list at home, or your car going nuts as you need to go to an important event.

Many of us spend too much time on what we could have done, or thinking about our perceived personal and professional weaknesses.

To stay responsible and resilient in these challenging times, I suggest all of us need to focus on our strengths as a person, spouse, parent, friend and co-worker. This is especially true for many of us who have been affected by layoffs, which are unfortunately gaining speed in our country today.

The responsibility of adapting to new challenges always means looking at ways we can be a better person – just not for ourselves but others in our sphere. That’s when focusing on the past and any weakness(es) you see in yourself will particularly diminish the fantastic person that you are everyday. And the inherent responsible person you should see in the mirror…

That is why this week I encourage you to think about one strength you see in yourself and how this positively affects the responsibilities you have in life. We, of course, can dwell on our weaknesses – I have 33 and counting. But no…responsibility for me is finding ways to overcome life’s challenges. I’ve done this with my physical disability and other normal life activities. You can, too.

In fact, when you wake up in the mornings this week, let’s all try to remember at least one strength and the good and responsible people that we are.

Resiliency and adaptability is sometimes putting the past in perspective and creating a sense of future hope. Identifying your strengths will highlight the terrific and responsible assets you bring everyday to yourself, family and friends.

I heard my father say: “You can’t always fix your weaknesses but you can definitely improve on your strengths.” He, unfortunately died a decade ago, but he taught me this: Focusing too much on weaknesses will expend far more needed resilient energy than continually showing the world your strengths.

Highlighting these strengths will also allow each of us to tackle the variety of daily issues we face responsibly – and the uncertainty all of us share in one way or another…

I’d enjoy hearing how you chose your particular action. How did it go and did you begin feeling that inner-sense of good and responsibility?

Take care my friends, and please take a look at my two brand new career and life resiliency e-books at my site – www.resiliencyfirst.com.

Photo By Mr.Saxobeat