By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resdiliencyfirst.com

I read an article recently that suggested “we” rarely give ourselves enough credit for anything.

Who are we? Possibly an exasperated Mother who does not think her teenage daughter listens to anything, but then writes a Mother’s Day card saying, “Although we argue a lot, I think you’re great Mom.” Or, an overworked co-worker who seems to always put himself down at work, but then receives a sincere public thank you from a supervisor at a staff meeting for a job well done. Or, even you not able to complete the last To Do item for the weekend, but your spouse giving you a smile and gentle kiss thanking you for your work anyway.

All of us are resilient 24 hours a day. In saying this, there are moments in my life that I’ve just wanted to bury my head on a particular day, cruise off to a south sea island and not worry about the every day craziness of life. Always thinking, “It’s a lovely day not today but surely tomorrow.”

This is when my inner resilience voice has spoken very softly but firmly saying: “Steve, it’s unhealthy to think this way because you may say the same thing tomorrow, the next day, on and on, and never have a lovely day. A resilient life is trying to see nearly every day as lovely instead of picking out the moments that make us think that it has to be tomorrow – for sure.

I think it boils down to the whole resiliency question: Do we really expect a lovely day, or are we satisfied to be in a holding pattern and stuck in the “mud” we build up around us?

This leads the real question all of us must answer to consistently feel happy, resilient and that life is a lovely day. Are you being good, gentle and realistic with ourselves, or are we letting life consume us?

Each of us, of course, has a different and unique answer.

As you think through your life actions, I’m sure you agree that sometimes being good to yourself is the hardest accomplishment.

When I literally trip and fall because my physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) has made my back seize up, this is when I need to use my inner courage to dust myself off, move forward and continue to have that lovely day. When I have not been as patient with someone (including myself) as I should be, I have to remember how lucky I am to have such great friends and colleagues at my side. When I have disappointed myself because I did not properly gauge the best course of action, I have to remember that I am not perfect and my next decisions will determine how I successfully move forward.

As I write to you today, I have received many comments about how you are thinking the same types of things. Are we good people to ourselves and others, will our kids grow up with the societal values that will help them succeed, will we accomplish our dreams to be differentiator at work, etc., etc. Such questions are at the resilient core of what all of us should be focusing in life.

We all live our resiliency every day, but I feel it takes a bit of extra reflection to make sure our resilience in highly stressful times stays at least on an even keel. Finding the “lovely day” is within all of us, but ometimes it is a delicate balance. As I try to do, I suggest you reflect on what goals and values are truly important to you. Is it work? Is it your personal life? Is it both?

Life has been extremely challenging for many of us during this Great Recession. Nerves have become frayed, some dreams have been put on hold, and personal relationships have sometimes taken back seat because of the unabridged stress we have found in these uncertain times.

But challenges like these should not be an excuse, which I have many times in my life.

I am definitely not an idealist, but I have come to realize that 24-hour-day resiliency is not something you can take for granted in any way. A “lovely day” is what we make for ourselves each moment. In a vast majority of times, we can control how we react to a day – seeing the glass half empty or full.

Not many of us will be remembered for our profession in life. Instead, folks will most likely remember us for who we were as individuals. Were we nearly always looking “half empty” and never truly believing that there will not be a truly lovely day today, tomorrow or ever?

I think most of us strive for being more than half full…and giving ourselves deserved credit.

The next time you have one of those unimaginably hard days, please think about all those folks on your side ready to help, comfort and get you through until life’s magical moments roll your way again.

Then you will see, well, that your lovely, resilient day is already here.

Take care, and I will talk with you next week…

Photo By: Chris H#

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com

Earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear meltdowns, wars, political bickering, liking your job, finding a job, valuing yourself. Yes, life is not always a piece of chocolate cake these days.

It is truly hard to stay resilient. This from a guy who thinks, lives and breathes resiliency every second of every day. It’s no wonder that many good folks are just throwing up their hands these days not knowing which way to turn.

On top of this, our life resiliency is being bombarded with negativity on a daily basis with the 24-hour-a-day news cycle.

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely want to know and understand world and local events. I, however, find that my resilience is sometimes compromised by the incessant “breaking news” about the latest comments from Sarah Palin, Nancy Pelosi or anyone in-between the schism we know as polarization.

O.K., I say. So what? Should we forget (or push to the side) the great and unique things in our individual orbits? Absolutely not…we can savor that piece cake we deserve!

I think we need to look past the “blame game,” and rely on ourselves to brush the non-resilient moments off. Blaming government, blaming our bosses and, especially, blaming each of us usually serves little healthy purpose.

We need to overcome such external and internal obstacles and continue striving for our best as individuals and as a healthy member of the world community.  I could lay blame and say: “Hey God gave me a raw deal saddling me with a lifelong disability (Cerebral Palsy).” And being human, well, there are some days where I do ask or yell, “Why!”

Think about your unique life obstacles. How do you overcome them? I am sure just like me through the resilience of adaptability, perseverance, persistence and patience…and a piece of chocolate cake.

My overall life resiliency, however, is challenged when I hear the Democrats blaming former President Bush. Or, the Republicans bashing President Obama for nearly everything wrong in America. Our resiliency as a nation and a world partner also is being knocked down when individuals let a few differences cloud the overall good Democrats and Republicans bring to the table.

Whether you are employed by a corporation or an independent business owner like me, I truly believe our country’s political climate does not bode well for prosperous employment and solving our significant national issues – unless we stay resilient. Such challenges include getting 8+ million employed again, making sure 30 million folks without health insurance stay alive and stopping the acceleration of the foreclosure rate. The list goes on and on…

The next time you blame President Obama for being out-of-touch, Nancy Pelosi for being out on the fringe, Sarah Palin for being a bit wacko or Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachman for just being nutty (I’m from Minnesota by the way), please step back and remember one thing. Whether we are from a different party or country or not, all of us lose a portion of life resiliency where we can only agree to disagree.

I sometimes struggle with my resiliency while worrying about outside events. Like you, I don’t need our nation and world choosing sides and not being able to work together on the basics of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness!

I just want all of us to have a piece of chocolate cake once in a while…

Thanks, again, for reading and commenting on my articles. Until next week…take care.

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com

Staying proud. Staying strong. Staying resilient.

When you are being bullied at work, in life or at school, staying proud, strong and resilient can seem as hard to maintain as cooperation between Democrats and Republicans.

I have received a tremendous response to my recent piece on bullying and this has encouraged me to add other articles periodically on my web site and begin a whathasbullyingtaughtme blog, which I will be introducing on this site in the next couple weeks.

Bullying. It definitely has received a lot of attention over the last year with the tragic deaths of students and many heart-wrenching stories of what others have gone through in the supposed safety of a K-12 or post secondary school environment.

As a person emotionally bullied throughout my school career nearly 40 years ago, I definitely know how it hurt my self-confidence, self-worth, and, most of all, my ability to consistently like myself.

But why should I tell you? All of us have been bullied – emotionally and/or physically – to some degree in school, in the workplace, or in our private lives.

As I mentioned in my previous bullying piece: Being laughed at and called a lot of terrible names in elementary school. Being pelted with spitballs after a basketball game in junior high. Being told by a classmate not to date a particularly beautiful high school girl and stick with your own kind. Being ridiculed by a classmate for taking advanced classes in high school because your kind only does menial work anyway.

Sound quite familiar? While I had to deal with a difference of a physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) that everyone could see, most of you had to adapt to your own unique set of differences that others in school preyed on a bit.

You may not have been the prettiest or most handsome. You may have dressed outside the norm. You may not have fit into the mainstream because of your beliefs or sexual orientation. You may not have been in the right clique. Your weight issues may have been the butt of everyone’s jokes. Or, like me, you might have had some type of physical difference that made you stand out. The parts are interchangeable,,,you can fill the additional blanks.

What’s so sad is our children, or even we as adults, are going through the same type of bullying today.

What can we learn and pass on to our children? Well, of course, the ways we dealt with the sometimes-tearful hurts nearly every day from those comments, looks, snickers or just not being included.

But, more than this, I think there are definitely ways we (and our kids) can see bullying as a resilient positive and launching point – as long as the hurt and abuse don’t go too deep.

Yes, I have emotional scars from my own bullying examples mentioned above. And yes, I would have rather not been bullied at all.

But, through it all, I definitely learned to be more adaptable, able to find common ground, stay persistent and, most of all, be patient with myself and others. Such resilient strategies are ones each of us need in abundance even as adults.

Most of the kids in school were fantastic in my day, but then there were always those few who took advantage of the two essential tenants of bullying – power and control. You might have even had more challenging experiences…I hope not.

Over the next few months in a special blog I mentioned earlier, I will highlight ways to counteract the hurt from personal experiences, and also show how bullying can only make you and your kids stronger in the long run by continuing to believe in yourself.

It definitely can be hard on both counts. But I will show you and your kids a way or two to make it through stronger, and ultimately be successful and resilient.

While I have had my ups and downs in life (mostly ups), how I learned to continue liking myself has allowed me to have a very successful, happy life and career as an executive in the communications industry…

What’s your story?

During this blogging journey, I’d also appreciate if you would tell us your bullying story – whether you were bullied or bullied others. You can also send them to my resiliency business e-mail at steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com. I may include – without names – examples in a book I will be writing soon on resiliency and bullying.

By Undercover Kindness

By Steve Beseke, beseke1@earthlink.net, steve.beseke@resiliencyfirst.com

How are you finding quality time for yourself or others today? Your consistent ability to stay life resilient and overcome those inevitable daily obstacles may depend on your answer. A former basketball great showed a fantastic way to overcome and help someone in a jam…a traffic jam, that is. More about this quality guy and his actions in a second.

Most of us have 26 different daily tasks to accomplish and nearly every waking moment is caught up in getting the next “To Do” done for the day.

It might be having your daily meeting with your boss, making progress on that huge work project due next week, finding your next great work adventure, remembering to pick up the milk and cereal from the grocery store, or having your oil changed in your car.

There’s always something going on and, of course, it needs to be done now. Taking a deep breath and finding at least 10 minutes in the morning, afternoon and night to enrich you is not always in the plan. Simple actions like: Reading a book, watching ducks swim across an idyllic pond, helping somebody in need, or just doing any activity allowing you to enjoy life just a bit more on a particular day.

Studies have shown that if we don’t allow ourselves those few personal minutes each day for others or us, our levels of stress, blood pressure and the ability to think negatively about ourselves could go through the roof.

Again, how are you finding quality time for yourself or others today?

For me, writing and speaking about career and life resiliency is one very small, humbling way to help those of you looking for a little boost, looking to feel a bit better about yourself, looking to say “yes I can.”

I read a recent inspiring article where, Alonzo Mourning, a former basketball great, found a way to energize and enrich his life for a few moments one day. An example I think that shows the true power of giving to someone – and yourself – and how this can make a healthy difference for any of us.

During his NBA playing career, the Miami Heat Hall of Fame center was known for his exquisite play and grace toward others. He gave many thousands to local charities and went out of his way to bring kids to games who could not afford see his team play.

He said at the time that although he was very busy, such actions provided him a chance to find quality time to help others in a small way.

While he retired from the NBA a few years ago, he certainly has not retired from his wonderful grace toward others.

Recently, in downtown Miami, shocked drivers on the city’s busy U.S. 1 road got to see his kindness in action. Mourning dashed out of his truck and into traffic to act as a crossing guard for a pedestrian who needed the assistance.

Mourning’s vehicle had been sitting in traffic when he spotted a disabled person in a motorized wheelchair along the curb. Apparently, the traffic lights were not working properly, and the person could not get on the crosswalk.

He made a split second decision and jumped out of his SUV. Mourning stood in the road and stopped traffic by raising his long arms. The wheelchair-bound pedestrian made it to the median. Then, the seven-time NBA All-Star immediately went to the southbound lanes and raised his arms to command stunned drivers to stop for the person to get the rest of the way. All traffic stopped, and the person safely made it to the other side of the road.

After making sure the person was O.K., Mourning lowered his arms and headed to his SUV to the sound of cheering fans. They recognized the 6-foot-10 temporary crossing guard.

He did not want to comment afterwards except to say it made his day to help someone.

I think this is a great story of a person who probably had many things on his plate that day but took a bit of personal time to help another person – and really himself – have a resilient moment. Even though it was probably a bit scary and risky, he wanted to help someone and make both their days.

I am not sure if I could have done this, and there are days I don’t give myself a minute to find at least one valued, resilient moment for others – or me.

But, as hopefully you do, I’m going to remember Mr. Mourning’s actions. I will try even harder to find some quality personal time daily for me and further help others in some meaningful way.

So, the next time you see a guy walking an elderly individual across the street, expect it to be me.:~)

How, again, are you finding quality time for yourself or others today?