Typically, most of us feel we have significant control over most actions/events we are involved in personally and even at work. Our jobs, our significant relationships, and most importantly ourselves…

Then, challenging things happen like company downsizing, a loved one comes down with some type of illness/condition, or you go through one of those inevitable life periods where your confidence is in Timbuktu. 

As I’ve mentioned in previous pieces, there are only three things we are in total control of – our attitude, our values and how we relate to other people.

The best way to summarize this in one sentence is “How are we managing our emotions effectively in good times and not…”

This “E” word can be very tricky to grapple with because it is all about finding the right balance in maintaining your confidence, understanding the most appropriate ways handle all types of situations and realizing that none of us are perfect and we will make mistakes.

I always remember the terrific quote from tennis legend Billie Jean King dealing with emotions. She said: “Champions make the necessary adjustments to overcome.”

Seven very profound resilient words that especially focus on our attitude and how we relate to people or circumstances that do not go exactly as planned. We don’t have to be a professional athlete to see such correlation in our own lives.

Because you see: All of us can typically handle our emotions quite effectively in good times. We are flying high and emotionally see the world with a lot of sunshine.

The rubber hits our emotional road, though, when things go a bit awry. Life takes a bit of a stumble. We can’t quite work through a challenge as fast as we thought.

It can be something momentous as a job downsizing or something more personal as not always believing in yourself. You can, of course, fill in your own unique examples. 

But it all comes back to managing your emotions of the moment. Not letting your attitude, values and how you relate to people suffer because of your reactions.

As I manage my emotions in coming back from serious spine surgery, my emotions and patience have not always been “spot on” in seeing myself in the best light. I sometimes worry too much about the aspects of recovery I can’t control – like the time it takes to get my body back to “Steve normal.”

But, as you should with any challenge, I suggest never worrying about everything you think you can’t control. Focus on those I’ve mentioned you totally can control and make the necessary adjustments to overcome. As I know, it is sometimes easier said than done, but we can use our emotions to overcome

Then, we can all stay “champions” and in control in our own unique way.

 I hope you are having a resilient day! I look forward to talking with you next week.

 Photo By:  by cosmicarcata

As I continue to recover from spine surgery, I’ve asked a few of my dear friends and colleagues to share their very interesting writings on topics that have some resiliency focus.

The first person is Carolien Moors, Organizational trainer/coach/speaker/blogger and psychologist. 

She talks below about the complexities of being a high performer. This subject strikes a very close chord with me as I humbly have always been seen this way in my personal and professional life.

Because of my recent serious surgery, I’ve had to reconfigure a bit what is truly important in life. Being a high performer in my career was my ultimate high. Now, it is understanding that being considered a “rock star” at work is still important to aspire, but there is something much more important in life. That is, being a high performer to yourself. 

Without believing in number #1, none of us can get through personal – or professional – challenges.

 For an additional high performer perspective, here’s Carolien’s article, which can be found along with dozens of other compelling articles at her blog site – www.caromoors.blogspot.com.

Dangers for High Performers

Personal leadership for self-directed high performance is what every organization wishes to see in its employees. If you Google ‘high performance articles’ you get 375,000,000 results.

High performers. They aren’t born as high performers, they don’t always know how they do it, it’s not just willpower, and there is not one formula with golden ingredients.

To achieve a peak performance you don’t have to be a perfectionist nor a control freak, high performers do show weakness, and they can’t make it happen on command. This should take care of some of the myths surrounding high performance, so that we can now focus on some of the dangers lurking for high performers.

I’ll mention five dangers that anyone faces who’s working to achieve high performance, whether we’re talking a business leader, a basketball coach, a gardener, a tennis player, or any person in any role working to secure top performance: 

 1. Fear of failure – This fear is fed by the belief that failure is detrimental to your image and your career, that it’s a sign of weakness, and that it will likely lead to a negative performance review and a bad reputation. Of course, depending on your organizational climate and culture and depending on your personal situation, your mistakes can be viewed as depicted above. But more often than not, risk-taking and charting new territories while learning from mistakes is considered valuable and worth the risk of wrong decisions and actions.

2. Selfishness – The “I might do something for you, if you’ll do something for me” attitude. With this attitude you limit yourself to tasks, connections, and deals in which their immediate benefit is at least as great as the benefits for others. This generally doesn’t work well, not in networking nor in teamwork or any other setting. Instead, if you keep your eyes and ears open to advance other people’s interests, if you genuinely want to benefit others and help make them successful, your relationships will likely be authentic, strong, and reciprocal and you will achieve much more.

3.Tool seduction – You can get so hung up on your tool such as a rigorous work schedule, that weekly meeting, a risk-analysis instrument, or your power point presentations that you easily lose sight of the fact that a tool is just that, a tool.  The bigger purpose that the tool is meant to be supportive off gets lost and the idea of different tools possibly contributing to that one purpose can be foreign to tool-addicts. Keep your eyes on the objective, and on the different possible routes to get to that destination without becoming a blindfolded boxed-in tool addict.

4. Lone heroism – If you believe that you have to achieve everything by and through yourself in order to be perceived as strong and successful you not only face a long, lonesome road but you’ll possibly stall half-way to your destination. If you want to grab that one and only gold medal, if you neglect other people’s contributions and accomplishments, if you neglect to give them credit, and if you act upon that need to constantly prove yourself and be in the spotlight, you will likely find yourself alone, mistrusted, and misunderstood even if you are at times successful in reaching a near peak performance.

5. Cowardice and comfort – Being happy being comfortable and safe, with little interest in stepping out of your comfort zone has to this day taken no one to peak performance. Lacking the courage to stand out from the crowd, to be the lone voice of disagreement, to actively seek dissenting views and minds that think radically differently than you do or lacking the courage to use constructive conflict in meetings and decision making processes is counterproductive to achieving high performance. 

This sixth danger ties into some of the previous ones, such as the importance of teamwork and of a healthy mindset including risk-taking and allowing mistakes to be made. Your comfort zone, that place where you know you won’t fail, is confining you and holding you back, it’s serving you as a jail.

So why would I talk about the dangers rather than about the necessary ingredients for high performance? The answer is straight forward: Awareness. Awareness of yourself and the dangers you face when working hard and hopefully smart towards high performance is key. We’re talking awareness of the effects that your mindset, style, and approach have on yourself and on others. 

We’re talking awareness of what’s going on with others. And we’re talking awareness of what’s going on between you and your environment while striving for high performance. I trust it you can translate these dangers to their productive counterparts.

Thanks Carolien, and I look forward talking with all of you again next week!

Why do we doubt ourselves? Why do we let setbacks overly influence our future actions? Why do we let other people sometimes ruin our day? Why is it sometimes hard to dust ourselves off and get back in the game?

 These questions have taken on additional significance for me as I slowly recover from cervical spine (and neck) surgery.

I already have Cerebral Palsy, which totally compromises the way I walk. Now, the hip surgery – with sometimes excruciating pain recovery – is causing me to doubt that I can get the dust off…

I’m being melodramatic, of course, and the pain will absolutely subside. But the area of doubt is a very powerful emotion that none of us want to visit too often.

Whether your job is going haywire, a significant personal relationship is getting a bit tricky, or you are having a life moment or two where you just don’t believe in yourself anymore, our doubts can slowly creep in and all of a sudden overwhelm us. 

But, more succinctly, all of us have hopes, dreams and expectations for ourselves that are met many times in life but then there are those moments you throw up your hands and wonder why…

More than not, our true resilient success depends on how we react to those few significant wavering moments allowing us to feel good about ourselves even during the most challenging moments.

Examples:

-      You are about to close on this multi-million dollar account cementing your increased status at company XYZ.

-      A friend finished a fantastic job interview that could not have gone any better that day.

-      Another friend just completed a month-long work assignment feeling confident and refreshed. The three of you stop at the local pub and have a cool one to share the moment.

Managing Expectations

 - You meet the next day with the client ready to sign the deal but unexpected complications come up possibly jeopardizing what you’ve worked so hard for.

- Your friend meets with his supervisors but doesn’t get the terrific response he thought about the project he just completed. He comes out of the meeting a bit mystified that a project potentially saving the company a lot of money was treated matter-of-factly.

- Your other friend waits for the company to call for the next interview, which it said for sure would happen in a couple of days. She write a very gracious “thank you” e-mail to the interviewers but nothing happens that day…the next day…or three weeks out even after politely e-mailing them a second time for an update. Then, finally, they called back and said another candidate was a “better fit.” Her world comes crashing down…at least for the moment.

-       

All of us have been in similar situations in life…been there, done that. From personal experience, the key for you, me and your friends is to truly know how to manage your expectations…

It’s been a little over a month now since my operation – which was my first ever. I see progress on all fronts, but my doctors say it will take three months before everything heals and feels “normal” again.

But doubt creeps in as I stumble even with my cane as my hip seizes up unexpectedly. They had to take a small portion of my hip bone to place in my neck to help it heal properly. This is a normal part of the healing process.

In your own circumstances, what could all three of you done differently or better? Absolutely nothing, except to be more patient!!!

Most of us believe that – if we work hard enough – we are ultimately in control of our own fate. Partially, this is, of course, true. Hard work, determination, grit and adaptability will allow all of us to go far in our careers and lives.

But I submit there are only three things you can totally control in your lives. They are your attitude, your values and how you relate to people. That’s it!

This, by no means, should be taken as a downer. Those three encompass the fabric of our lives…

 I will get off my “soap box” but the point is you cannot control the actions of others – or even your body as I have found. You can control how you manage your own thought process and getting too concerned over the semantics of life. Yes, the companies in all circumstances should have responded differently…but they did not. 

The point is to move on and not dwell on the things out of your control.

I could sit, doubt myself and blame the world for hardships as you have had in your own unique circumstances. But I ultimately don’t. Sure, I may get mad that I can’t walk 10 miles anymore, or that my spine is a piece of work. Can I truly and ultimately control such challenges? Absolutely not. Can I dust myself off and continue to play the game of life? You bet!

So, the next time work does not go quite right that day, your significant other bugs you for some reason, or your confidence goes in the tank, please remember: Your attitude, values and how you relate to people are your keys to stop from slipping into the black hole of doubt. 

Please stay strong my friends. Until next time, take care and see your cup as more than half full!

Photo By: Hadìe

The word “determination” means many things to a lot of people. 

Some might define it as being determined to have a fantastic and successful career. Others may be determined to be the best friend, a terrific husband or wife, or person of integrity in all matters. Still others might be determined to overcome life challenges no matter the severity.

I really think all of us have a little of everything that I described above.

What I’ve learned over the last several months is that all of us must be determined to be the best person to ourselves all the time. Sounds rather obvious and simplistic…doesn’t it?

But too often I think we worry about others instead of focusing on ourselves. This really struck home the last six months as I’ve been struggling with my health. 

As I’ve mentioned, I recently had a very serious spine operation that forced me to truly focus on getting better not for others but truly just for myself. 

Like possible you, I’ve (more than not) focused on my family, my friends and others instead of looking inwardly to myself. This is all well and good, until you’re faced with a quite serious situation whether it is your health or something equally as important.

I still have a long road to full recovery as my neck and spine heels. But I have to say this. I am absolutely determined to keep myself in the starting lineup without relegating to being just pinch hitter.

Please never sideline yourself…

As you overcome your challenges moving forward I suggest never discount what’s best for you. Not just always what’s best for others. This will show how your inner resilience can truly and honestly make an absolute difference.

Although I still don’t have the energy yet to write extensively like I have in the past, I suggest you look inside yourself and be determined the next time challenges come up.

 As I deal with the effects of this major operation, I need to stay determined to be good to me not just others.

 I will talk about determination more as I get stronger. I look forward to our continued partnership in resilience and thank you for understanding as I recover. 

Photo By: by Eileen Sandá

It turns out that Dr. Robert Morgan actually saved my life as I know it a couple weeks ago.

I’ll be writing my weekly resiliency columns very soon again.

I hope you have a very resilient weekend!

Photo By Rodrigo_Soldon

No matter which side of the political aisle you reside, we can all agree that the safety of our children trumps everything we hold dear. This is the resilient Holy Grail.

That is why I have made it my resilient mission through writing, speaking and providing anti-bullying curriculums/programming in schools to help kids stand up as I did to bullying throughout my school life because of my lifelong physical disability. I have now joined and am partnering with Lennick Aberman Group, the worldwide leader in behavioral advice, emotional intelligence, moral intelligence and now resiliency, to offer schools my experiences/speeches, programming and coaching worldwide on anti-bullying.

 I don’t want kids to suffer as I did, and parents like you to think there is nothing ultimately that can be done…because there absolutely is! Please call 651-341-9826 or 612-333-8791 if you’d like us to come into your school. Or, e-mail me at sbeseke@lennickaberman.com.

 President Obama opened up a 30-minute documentary on childhood bullying for the Cartoon Network last night, continuing awareness initiatives he set into motion last year.

The minute-long introduction featured the president speaking directly to the camera for the documentary titled “To SPEAK UP Against Bullying,” a 30-minute special broadcast that aired Sunday (March 18) on the Cartoon Network.

“Bullying is not a rite of passage or harmless part of growing up,” Obama said. “It’s wrong. Its destructive and we can all prevent it.”

Obama said that for him the issue is personal. “I care about this issue deeply, not just as the president, but as a dad,” he said referring to his two daughters, Sasha and Malia.

The president mentioned last year’s White House summit on bullying prevention in his opening remarks, adding that partnerships have been made “with schools and parents to raise awareness.”

According to the White House, an estimated 13 million students in the US are bullied each year. 13 MILLION!!! Just imagine worldwide…

As he closed his remarks, Mr. Obama left viewers with a call to action to do more. “Everyone has to take action against bullying,” he said. “Everyone has an obligation to make our schools and our communities safer for all our kids.” 

While bullying will never fully go away, the president is “spot on,” and lets take action together to help our children. Please call or e-mail me about helping your child’s school with anti-bullying measures, so we can make a true difference in our world!

I’m going to be taking some time off to recover from fairly delicate cervical spine surgery I am having this week – my first surgery ever. My internal physical disability bully is acting up now that I am reaching the mid-50s.

Thanks, again, for your continued readership, and I hope you are having a resilient day.

Photo By: englishkid01

Too often, we derail our sense of self-worth, confidence and patience with ourselves – and others – because we worry about things truly out of our control.

While this article is really about offering you life/work resiliency strategies to use every day, I am living and needing to be resilient right now as I prepare this month for a quite serious cervical spine operation. This will help prevent me from unduly being paralyzed if I should fall down literally, but I have never had any type of operation in my life – and my lack of patience with my body creeps into the equation. (Falling happens more than I want especially as I deal with a lifelong physical disability (Cerebral Palsy) moving towards my mid-50s.)

Such unique challenges that all of us experience is when the three Ps – perseverance, persistence and patience – help us overcome the inevitable obstacles we deal with in life. You can fill in your own challenge list…J

Being Knocked Down

Unfortunately, most of us have been knocked down in our personal or professional lives in one way or another. More of my good friends, for example, were just laid off from companies that had never laid off anyone in their history. Naturally, many are very down…not knowing where to turn next to continue with their lives.

Although our nation is recovering at a more accelerated pace these days, it’s a deeply saddening time when the confidence in ourselves is taking the biggest hit.

This is where life resiliency strategies, such as perseverance, persistence and patience, can make all the difference. These are not some pie-in-the-sky words from some lofty lecturer being paid to inspire. They are every day concepts you and I can use and apply to all our lives. That is, if we believe that life is what you make it and not looking to blame others – yes, even political figures on both sides of the aisle.

I have fallen or been knocked down many times before and have always gotten right back up. I am sure you have had your life moments where you’ve fallen and have gotten back up – and are better for it in the long run – whether figuratively or literally.

Should we just lie there and pity ourselves? No, as I have had ample experience especially physically, we need to get up, dust ourselves off and try to stay as independent as all of us want to be.

While I don’t hold myself up as an example, you can also work through your life “knock downs” – great and small – if you remember the three Ps of life – perseverance, persistence and patience.

These three resilient words have helped me through all life and career challenges that have come up great and small, and I know you can use them, too.

Perseverance

Take, for example, losing your job. What can any of us do if we are laid off? In these times, it is usually not because of our performance. The company needs to stay afloat and its labor costs are the single highest money outflow that they can control. So, they lay of good folks like us.

After I went through a lay off from a dream job three years ago, I looked at what was in my control and how I could persevere during these rough times. I knew I had three things I could control – my attitude, my values and the way I relate to people.

While searching for a full-time gig, I also developed a personal business plan, looked hard at my personal brand and truly had a heart-to-heart with myself about what I wanted to do for the rest of my career.

Well, this perseverance led me to resiliency, this worldwide and award-nominated web site – www.resiliencyfirst.com – and establishing a business where I could speak at organizations, develop resiliency materials for those in need and stay healthy in my day-to-day activities. It’s been a true blessing…

Today, I am partnering with Lennick Aberman Group, a worldwide leader in behavioral advice, emotional intelligence, moral intelligence and now work/life resiliency. It/we have so much to offer corporations, individuals and the world in breakthrough leadership excellence programming positively affecting the bottom line.

The lesson I learned – and one you should think about – is don’t pity yourself because you have had a personal and professional loss. Look at yourself hard and decide what you want to do in life. Don’t just settle because then you may be going through the same challenges in future time.

Persevere and understand the fantastic skills and qualities you offer every day!

Persistence

I hope this does not happen to you:  After the 30th rejection letter, or having a company choose someone else after seven separate interviews from the CEO to the janitor on duty, I’ve had friends and colleagues say, “I am just going to give up.” This is when you must persist and learn how to promote yourself in an even better way.

I’m not the best in promoting myself but Lennick Aberman is letting me understand how I can see myself in an even better light.

My dad was a car dealer, and his out-going personality helped convince folks to close the deal most times. I’ve always tried to let my work do the talking for me. Unfortunately, in these times, you need to show folks why there can’t be a better candidate than you – whether you are closing the deal with a client or your next great work adventure.

That’s why I think understanding and believing in your personal brand is absolutely a key to your future resilient success.

When I first re-crafted my “brand,” I thought I’d never come up with something that was truly me. But I persisted and gave myself enough time where I did not feel pressured to write something in five minutes. I persisted and diligently wrote down all my strengths and the types of work I like to do. I also did the same with my weaknesses and the activities I don’t like to do.

As you can do in your own unique circumstances, this gave my a framework where I was able to write down “my future.” It was not easy and it took significant time but I got it done and now I understand what I want to do for the last 15 years of my career. My persistence led to talking about resiliency and opening up about my disability experiences.

Most of all, it gave me the inner confidence to offer my common-sense messages to assist you and other great folks worldwide. Being persistent can be magical…

Patience

You’ve just been laid off and wonder where the money will come from to pay the bills, keep your house and pay for your son’s birthday party coming up soon. In these circumstances, being patient with yourself and others is very hard. I’ve been there and my friends have been there. There’s nothing fun about it and you just want to hurry to find your next resilient moment in life.

For me, I found that I needed to step back for a moment and don’t hurry into something that I may regret. At least for the short term, I stayed patient and tried to understand what my next steps should be

No matter the resilient challenge, what “plan” or next steps are you doing to move forward?

All of us can react wonderfully to favorable times in our lives. Our true grit is shown in how we deal with the professional and personal challenges all of us sometimes face. And the patience on many levels we must have to see past just the low hanging fruit.

I suggest you think of the three Ps the next time you face one of those possible life-changing events in your life or career. Please don’t stay knocked down for long…see your true and fabulous potential. In that way, you can stay in control of your self-worth, confidence and, especially your patience.

I’d love to hear your comments. Until next week…thanks for being an avid reader of my web site!

We, of course, have read recently about the horrific tornados in the American Midwest. The Syrian government’s obliteration of its citizens to stay in power. The threat of the Israeli government blowing up Iran’s nuclear facilities. Whether it is nature or through human hands, it is easy to wonder if our world is such a fantastic and resilient place after all. 

This is when, too often, I suggest all of us worry about events out of our individual control. Personally, this might equate to not believing in ourselves, or allowing the goal of amassing material wealth to get in the way of how we can make a substantial difference in our unique worlds.

As I have overcome my own life and professional challenges through the years, I try to remember what a wonderful world we live in. I know that stresses get in the way and life does not go necessarily as planned. But allowing ourselves to make mistakes, learning from them and being patient/gentle with ourselves can be the great resilient healer as we overcome challenges that inevitable come up in our lives.

Through experience, I have found doing our best to be counted on as a person of character will allow us to appreciate the people and our world in much healthier way. This is not a pulpit statement, but one meant to keep us feeling good about our world despite some of the tragic events/actions we see.

To this end, I think the following song, “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong, reflects some of the principles that I – and you – should strive for every day. I don’t mean to sound Pollyannaish, but sometimes I think we need to step back and be thankful for who we are and the lives we touch.

Please click on this great song rendition by Mr. Armstrong. Every time I listen to it, the words give me goose bumps. And, yes, something to live up to as we resiliently overcome the next obstacles in our lives. Please listen: (The inspiring lyrics are after)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5TwT69i1lU&feature=related

What a Wonderful World

I see trees of green, red roses too

I see them bloom for me and you

And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white

The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night

And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky

Are also on the faces of people going by

I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do

They’re really saying I love you.

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow

They’ll learn much more than I’ll never know

And I think to myself what a wonderful world

Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky

Are also on the faces of people going by

I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do

They’re really saying I love you.

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow

They’ll learn much more than I’ll never know

And I think to myself what a wonderful world

Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I suggest all of us take such lyrics to heart.

Thanks for allowing me to be a part of your lives. Please, again, visit my web site – www.resiliencyfirst.com – to see my e-books and other collateral.

Dealing with bullying – whether it is in school or the workplace – can be a very lonely journey. You or your child don’t always know who can be trusted to talk about it with, and if bringing it out in the open will make you or your child feel more vulnerable and victimized. Minds sometime go through a vicious cycle of fear, sadness, regret, anger and frustration. That is, if you let it… 

Bullying can also provide you or your child the toughness of overcoming obstacles you never thought each of you would have strength to tackle. It also can show a side of adaptability, perseverance, persistence, patience and resilience you or your child don’t consistently tap into and maintain.

 It may be a bully throwing your child up against gym lockers or cornering him/her in a school bathroom. Or, possibly someone saying mean and very hurtful comments for laughs to your kids. Or, maybe workplace bosses trying to use their power to manipulate, harass and bully you so they can feel more in charge. 

Each of us has our unique examples we have experienced, seen or heard about.

I was emotionally bullied relentlessly when I was in elementary school with periodic days of “pain” in junior high and high school.

Although I had the tremendous support of my parents, I was one of the first physically disabled children mainstreamed in the 1960s from a “crippled school for children” to a “normal” school in the suburbs. While most of the children were very good kids, when they saw the walking effects of my lifelong disability (Cerebral Palsy) they did not understand in the third grade.

As nine year olds, they resorted to laughing at me, and saying mean and hurtful things like, “You walk so funny and go back where you came from.” The hurtful comments went on and on…

I cried myself to sleep many nights thinking I just wanted to belong…that’s all. But even at age nine, my resilience began to take shape. While I did not know about the “resiliency” word, I did realize (even that young) kids were going to continue to make me feel intimidated unless I did something to show my strength.

 A Common Ground Moment – Potentially For All Of Us

Finding common ground is part of all our vocabularies. We can decide to act one way with a person or in a particular situation – or do it a different way.

The key for any of us centers entirely about the choices we make. And our success or failure – whether in our personal or professional lives – depends on how we react to situations good and bad.

Having a watershed moment when you are nine means that something significant is happening. As you may have at unique life moments, I wanted to feel I had control of my life. Even then, I felt that my power to control myself was being taken away by the laughs, enduring hurtful comments, ignoring me in social situations, etc., etc.

I could have kept wilting like a spent flower. All of us don’t necessarily handle situations confidently, and I backed off feeling sorry for myself as kids did not allow me to play “reindeer games” with them. If I had continued to sit on the bench watching others play, however, I’d be an entirely different person today.

Instead, I decided to stand up to the bullies. Scary as it was initially, being seen as someone who will just keep taking it will allow the bullies to understand they can do more and more.

While I was have a lot consistent self-worth inside, I mustered my confidence outside to say I was not going to stand up and take this any more. While I received a few pushes and “here is what I am going to do to you if you don’t…” comments at first, they saw I meant it. Sounds easy and it wasn’t. I still was teased horrifically for awhile after that.

But I continued to show my strength by not demonstrating outwardly that the emotional bullying hurt me significantly…and guess what? Most of them eventually decided I was too much work and they were not getting the power and control rush that fed their intimidation. Nearly all left and found someone else who very unfortunately was an easier “victim.”

Why We Continue to Feel Like A Victimized…

As you may have read in my other bullying articles, there is no panacea that can solve every situation. Despite my very successful strategies, I still had to deal with a few school bullies through high school. 

But my “no wilting” strategy truly worked…

I think too often we take a lot of inappropriate stuff from individuals because of being afraid of the very hurtful words, or we may we will get that “punch in the nose” – figuratively or literally In a work setting, many think they can’t stand up to a bullying boss because they’d lose their job. 

I hear a lot of, “If we ignore it, the situation will go away” or “I’m just not ready to confront the situation yet…”

It can be especially hard for our children…

But if I had not taken a proactive approach and “confronted” my fears in elementary school, I would not be talking with you today and known worldwide as the Doctor of Life Resiliency. I’d be probably living with my Mother, not married and have few friends.

Today, I’ve known my able-bodied wife for nearly 34 years, have a wonderful adopted daughter from China, been blessed to travel around the world, and have talked to millions like you globally about work/life resiliency strategies and bullying. 

I am very humbly making a true resilient difference with so many of you in this world. It absolutely would not have been possible without my epiphany in the third grade.

But it does not matter what age you find your common ground moments and courageously lock away those fears and bullies – sometimes inside you. Just that you and your children do…

As I did, please think of ways you can tackle your fears with certain people or situations. Maybe say to yourself – with a slight variation to others – what Peter Finch shouted in the 1976 Academy Award winning movie, “Network.” He said, “I am mad as hell and I am not going to take this anymore.”

You don’t want your kids – or yourself – to feel fear or helplessness in such bullying situations. Like me, overcome and do what is best for you and your children. 

Look forward to our discussion next week. Please let me know if there are other work/life resiliency topics you’d like me to cover. And check out my newest resiliency e-books on www.resiliencyfirst.com.

Photo By: Boom Boom! Revolution